Chaotic Scales ⚖️

If I'm being honest with myself I doubt the rest of my life is going to be happy 24/7 realistically maybe one, two at most three happy moments and then the rest of the time I'd be miserable. I've never been good at math, but if I had more sad days than happy days I'd rather just take myself out of the equation. It makes sense to me

As my birthday approaches the few people I call friends are all too busy to spend time with me. While I understand I also feel a pang of sadness because I really enjoy their presence. Not one person noticed when I was dropping hints. I've never had someone plan something for me I've always had to plan it myself so I guess it was foolish of me to assume that because I move mountains for them, they'd do the same. I should probably just stop assuming my value in people's lives.

Being a temporary person in someone's life is absolutely despicable

Well that was short lived. I wonder why I always get the shitty guys. No one I'm attracted to ever treats me the right way but yet I have people I'm not attracted to showing me they'll bring me the moon and the stars if I wanted, but for some reason all I get are emotionally unavailable boys.

I feel ugly and gross so it looks like I'm isolating again hooray

I feel so unloveable. I just want to know what I keep doing wrong. I thought "everybody deserves to be happy." Or am I the only exception?

You ever wanna rip off your skin and roll around in salt because at least that will make you feel something other than worthless? No? Just me? Ok.