Bipolar Sunshine

Until today, I still love you with all my heart. I have to let you go now. I can’t pretend to be “just friends”. I’m sorry if this will hurt you but darling, just know that you left me and this is me doing things for me. I hope you find happiness in the new chapter of your life. Sadly, my time with you was too short. I love you too much I forgot who i once was. Thank you for showing me I deserve better.

I’m tired of doing my best and my best is still not good enough. The urge to hurt something or hurt myself is deeply in my thoughts. I have failed at everything and as much as I love to think that I have myself under control, I don’t. I have failed in school, in work and also in all of my relationships. Maybe it is time for me to close my eyes forever and never wake up. It gets harder to breathe lately with everything going on. I’m trying to piece myself back together but everyday I am just pulling the pieces out again. I cannot take this aching anymore. I want to runaway and never come back. I’m such a worthless person. I have done everything so perfectly in my life that I cannot be imperfect. I wish there was away to see my life after I am gone. I just want to see if living is worth it if it hurts. I feel like I have bruises in my heart so I just keep quiet. Every decision I make is hurting someone. Every mistake I make is hurting someone. I tell myself I can push through and be better. I do not think that will happen anytime soon. I am not getting better. My anxiety pills are almost gone and I have nothing to rely on. I hope the day that I leave earth forever is the day the ones that I loved the most remembers me as someone who is always cheerful, caring and lovable. May everyone find love and closure after I’m gone.

What I've learned;