i was supposed to give this as a talk at a conference on the politics of motherhood but was too ill to present it, so i thought i’d share it
new substack post !! <3 hope it's interesting!!

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@criphd
i was supposed to give this as a talk at a conference on the politics of motherhood but was too ill to present it, so i thought i’d share it
new substack post !! <3 hope it's interesting!!

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pre going on my interruption plans ::
write up apr notes
ask for a locker in library [go get it / sort out keys etc]
fill out the necessary paperwork
sort out travel reciepts for dsa -> have sent the emails !
chill out [lol]
tidy up my desk
make clear where i am so i can pick up again when i come back easily
return some of my lib books?
go thru a girl among the anarchists so i can return it
book a doctors appointment for going on sertraline (& more steroid creams) !
get locker key :)
check in w whether the uni has contacted sfe :(
pre going on my interruption plans ::
write up apr notes
ask for a locker in library [go get it / sort out keys etc]
fill out the necessary paperwork
sort out travel reciepts for dsa -> have sent the emails !
chill out [lol]
just so stressed out atm & i dont even need to be !!!! like .... it's fine!!!! im going to go on my interruption, everyone has agreed i just have to do the paperwork !!!! & that seems, in wild news, really straightforward!!! so chill out u idiot !!!!!
07.15.21. i cleaned my desk for the first time in ages yesterday. i don't have anything glamorous to say. these days it feels so hard to do anything, but i'm trying.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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apr ✅
disability advisor meeting ✅
lying in bed ✅
got emailed back that i wont have to pay for extending my deadline if i do interrupt my studies so i am going to do that !!! i might meet my supervisors before i do, but hoping to do it from june to september so i can try get a proper rest & do some proper recovery & relaxing :) been very very stressed about it all tbh so i am rly glad about this :D
A public photo copying machine at West Garden Grove Library (1973)
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apr ✅
disability advisor meeting ✅
lying in bed ✅
have my apr panel tomorrow & trying to not be freaked out about it... especially bc i also have a meeting afterwards to discuss disability / interruption of studies stuff which i am also kinda freaked out abt.... & then im gonna try & go to shul for erev shavuos bc i rly want to but like... Huge Tiring Day so idk !!!

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u know what else... i think i need to pair it back + just do the necessities again (including conferences).... i guess one reason why stuff was impacted a lot [especially in autumn] was because i did !! do some of that teaching assistant stuff which took up my energy & time & made me quite stressed etc so thats good to remember. i just have been wanting to be as employable as i can be but i also have to like exist as a i am as a disabled person +++ actually do my phd too so like sometimes that obviously means not doing most stuff
had a quick meetin today with my supervisors & just feeling pretty defeated abt my phd rn, spoke with mari who was like yes - ofc the work seems stuck, u have been stuck… which is like soooo true !!! but it’s so frustrating that the work has been so impacted by my lessening functioning & rly bad hard time recently :( that sucks !!!
anyway planning to take an interruption of studies or whatever it’s called for three months or something bc i rly can’t do this i just can not keep up. when i have deadlines im constantly ill on top of my regular illnesses at the end of them & so i dont get any real rest time just ‘recovering’ from being ill which is not the same as actual rest :( had sooo many flair ups recently and its evidently not getting better especially considering my mental health is kinda rough at the moment / for a while / ??!! so rly think its the thing to do and i had hoped to actually basically sort it out at that meeting today but my supervisors didn’t rly want it to be for that… & it was much shorter than i thought it would be anyway & not in person which i always find makes it harder to communicate how i want to + more awkward
anyway feel stupid feel lost feel like i don’t rly know what im doing blah blah ugh ugh ugh it’s just so annoying bc ive been doing so so soooo much work !!!! 😡
Dealing with burnout is sooooooooooooooo easy all you need to do is operate at 40% indefinitely and be kind of mad at yourself the whole time.

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finals desk!! four papers to write, and then i’ll be finished with my first year of the phd 🌟
feeling absolutely crushed by exhaustion & stress about my phd !!!!!!! aaaaaaahhhh
submitted my writing etc just still feeing pretty stressed out about it all & so tired !!!!