the monster man

oh to have been a fly on the wall at vfd headquarters when a 10 year old showed up calling herself beatrice baudelaire and looking like kit snicket, around a decade after all the baudelaires and snickets died or went missing

happy to report that there’s still nothing funnier in the known universe than klaus baudelaire failing to hold a martini glass

every friend group has a himbo chef and his scientist sweetheart, a hopeless bisexual who is always hurryuppimg, a pair of car-driving book-reading brothers, a timeless lesbian who makes paper mache, a journalist who is done with this shit, a mysterious and ethereal bisexual with strange eyebrows and a boy who asks all the wrong questions

yeah update she’s dead i love her but u know what will never leave me? goat simulator. fly high grandma u r poggers bad bitches never die except u queen

“ah surely the kanye jeffree starr alleged hookup is the craziest thing I’ll hear today” I say, a full minute before checking twitter to see armed maskless white supremacists have stormed the capitol building and the senate is barricaded in their chamber