This is very stupid but it’s genuinely what I think about every time I consider skipping dinner after work

https://archiveofourown.org/works/76406521/chapters/234963401

And by "lean into" I don't mean that I want WWX to be guilt ridden and miserable. WWX is not that type of character. The past is the past, what's done is done, it's water under the bridge. But that's exactly what makes this particular part of his character so damn interesting to me. Because his reaction to being confronted with his past, every time it happens, is to ignore it, to flee the situation, to not confront his feelings and downtalk it. And that is painfully realistic! It's not how most writers write a sympathetic character with this level of guilt, with a past like WWX's, because we feel that it's somehow wrong for a character to not feel tortured and haunted by that past. But it IS in fact a stunnigly realistic description of how some people deal with their mistakes, crimes and the people they've hurt. It's not sanitary, not morally perfect, not what the reader thinks it should be. But it's realistic and painful to witness and just a little bit fucked up. And I wish it stayed like this. I wish it remained a little bit fucked up.

Right up until the second siege, the story actually does play with it. And to me, it's one of the most appealing parts of the narration. Not only is it shown by WWX's actions, but also interwoven with the narration. Certain events not being described in detail or brushed over, like WWX himself would brush over them, there being hints of his true feelings (his reflection looking like he's crying), but these feelings never truly aknowledged neither by the character himself, nor by the narration whenever it follows his perspective. The way he acts around meeting JL and JC the first time in the present timeline, the way he (more or less willingly) stays ignorant about the latter's emotions ... all less shown through inner monologue, but through a descritiption of actions WWX might or might not even be aware of. I could go on and on, but I think it's clear by now what I mean. This is one of the reasons I fell in love with this book and its main character, it's imo one of the most well written parts of it.

But I feel it all goes down the drain after the second siege. WWX is confronted by his victims, then he and the Wens save the other cultivators and it's ... all good now? I wish the narration would aknowledge that WWX just stood eye to eye with people who (rightfully) accused him of murder, people who have been hurt by his actions, people who have lost their loved ones at his hands. And even if one argues that what WWX did at Nevernight was completely justified, HE JUST STOOD EYE TO EYE WITH PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR LOVED ONES AT HIS HANDS! I just think it should do something to him. It should be aknowledged, not by WWX, but at least by aknowledging how WWX doesn't aknowledge it. The narrative should play a little more. But it stops there. It somehow stops focusing on WWX's processing of guilt, like it's all meaningless, now that he saved someone. Like one eliminates the other. His victims are not really a thing anymore either. And yes, part of it is because the whole point is to show how easily the collective mind forgets, how fast the public opinion is swayed. And at least that part is well done. But the general public is not WWX's victims, not the ones who actually suffered. They should not be convinced so easily. And while I don't think it HAS to be something the narration focuses on, I would have liked to at least have a few traces of it remain. It's a bit too "WWX saved people, so everyone is fine with him now and he is fine too" for my taste. It feels too easy.

Floating within your embrace.