hey

what is the point

what is the point

what is the point

what is the point.

of living a life of burden

of following unsanctioned rules i impose

of times filled with only hurtin'

of going on as if there is a satisfying close

there is no guarantee of anything

what is the point

what is the point

what is the point

what is the point

impatience, injustice, and fear

all unfamiliar to me once more

i want to punch the wall

i want to scream myself hoarse

i want to break skin, and to keep breaking it

but i sit, silent and still

in

out

in

out

deeply, slowly

eyes are closed

mind is blank

in

out

in

out

oh no no no no no

fuck

fuck

bad

i feel my heart go

the walls are creeping ever closer

boom

boom

boom

my heart thuds against my chest

my breathe rattles against my rib cage

fuck

fuck

FUCK

i am trapped and there is no one

nothing able to let me out

that voice rings in my ears,

i swallow my stomach

trapped in this feeling by good intentions

you had your chance and now leave

getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetOUT

you don't get to know anything

you don't deserve knowledge

you made your choice now fucking STICK TO IT

you said it was better for you

fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine fine

i've HEALED now stay away

stop picking at my old scars and just

tic, tok, tac, toc, what ever you might say

my eyes will stare as my thoughts drift astray

the minutes pass but aren't very fleeting

the sun is on its way to an early greeting

patience is a virtue i can't possess

my thoughts are a scattered unruly mess

dawn might break in an hour or one day

either way, my thoughts will refuse to stay

so i lay, drifting through the lonely night

i look at you & i know my heart will soar

you laugh at something and i grin

as you go on about your fae lore

your smile is the best prize i could win

i'll swear up and down that you make my heart healthy

it races faster against time around you

i only need your care to be wealthy

i hold my breath, hoping that This is true

there are a billion different ways

to say the thing i need to say

but the thought of saying brings me into a daze

i can't bare the thought of letting you slip away

i’d give anything

it’s been said a thousand times

sometimes i still dream about you

most hurt, but some are beautiful too

when i wake i feel an empty pang

why did we end with such a bang?

i dont know if i still miss you

.

tonight’s dream is one of the worst

you called me That name, and cursed

i, pained, yelled angrily back

but it only made my heart crack

sometimes i don’t miss you

.

but afterwords we were friends again

it wasn’t the same, as way back when

it was still good, made my heart light

until i woke, and i knew my plight

i am just a rat

who will wear a country hat