Creative Hurts Randomness

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[Part 1]

Adam's excitement was ridiculous. He was awake since early hours, which was anything but his usual style. And it wasn't as if he had anything to do. His flat was tidy from his last sporadic clean-up the Sunday before and his usually sparse time at home during the week granted slim additions in terms of chaos. Especially since now he had Theo to talk to on his way to and from work, sometimes long after even when they went to a pub or to the other's flat. So the few dishes left in the sink had only taken him about twenty minutes and after plaguing himself through an hour of senseless telly he'd started to do some exercises instead to get rid of at least a bit of energy.

It helped only moderately in the sense that he had something to do, however, his mind was still caught with his charming neighbour and the perspective of hearing that angelic voice singing live. Just for him. Ah fuck, he stopped his current push ups in order to press his forehead against the floor, trying to keep his suddenly wildly pumping heart in check. This was just ridiculous, he was acting like a teenage boy with a crush on the prettiest girl in school who was merely coming over to do homework together. Sure, Theo did say he was bi and the fact that this Alex-person apparently assumed they'd slept together and that Theo didn't try to deny it at all speaks against any running relationship so a bit of flirting wasn't prohibited, especially since the other hadn't even said anything against the notion of them sleeping with each other and then there was the whole thing with the sleep cuddling and waking up together that one time and he was sure that on Tuesday Theo had been definitely flirting with him and yesterday he'd even put his head on Adam's shoulder on their way home in the bus because he was sleepy and it had been so cute and-

Adam groaned. This is not exactly what you should be thinking about when you want to calm down, Anderson, he scolded himself, giving a sigh. He should probably take a shower, Theo would surely come over soon and he didn't want to be still lying around on his floor by that time.

So he pushed himself back up and onto his feet, stretching slightly before walking towards his bathroom. He quickly had his trousers and boxershorts off, the lack of a shirt to begin with enabling him to get into his shower right away, turning on the water. He made it quick, just soaping up and washing of the sweat before he stepped out again, towelling himself dry and binding it around his hips. He'd already shaved in the morning, which was fortunate, though the thought of actually growing a beard despite it being ginger crossed his mind again. Maybe after Christmas was over, so his aunt wouldn't criticise it at the family dinner. Shaking his head, he put on some deodorant, combing his hair into the right position and fixing it with a bit of gel. 

The dirty laundry vanished in his laundry basket then and he made his way to his bedroom to get himself new clothes. He quickly exchanged his towel for a new set of boxershorts, putting on socks and black trousers afterwards. He was about to decide whether he should wear the black or white turtleneck with suspenders or waistcoat when his doorbell announced a new visitor to him. Ah damn, Theo was already there. He shoved the decision about the rest of his outfit to the back of his mind in favour of hurrying to the door. He didn't want his guest to wait too long, after all. Opening the door, he was greeted with a heavily wrapped up Theo, who was trying to huddle as much into his scarf and coat as was possible, a small, already melting layer of whiteness covering him. There were snowflakes all over his hair and shoulders, giving a stark contrast to the darkness of both. A few particularly cheeky ones had caught themselves in those long, dark eyelashes, catching his attention as they slowly turned into droplets.

“Ah, uhm, hey, come in”, he finally got out after tearing his gaze off, looking at the heavy blush on the other's cheeks, “you must be cold?”

“I'm freezing. I can't believe I look like this after just crossing the street. And the snow won't even stay.” Theo remarked with a little shudder, stepping past him into the small hallway. He could only imagine; the short time the door had been open had already given him goosebumps. The other had quickly taken off his coat and scarf, now blowing hot air against his fingers, getting Adam's attention with that.

“Need some warmth?” he asked, holding out his own hands in an offer. He first got a surprised look in return, then a heart-meltingly cute smile.

“Thanks.” Theo gave back before holding out his hands, too. He took them and put them against his neck, draping his own on top then so they'd both be warmed from each side. His guest gave a pleased sigh, closing his eyes.

“You're so warm.”

“Glad I can be of use.” he joked with a little grin, hearing a smooth chuckle from Theo.

“Won't you get cold like this, though?” he shrugged at that to buy himself some time to answer since he could hardly reply that the touch of the other's soft fingers was getting him anything but cold. Quite the contrary, actually. Oh fuck, now that he thought about it, was his pulse noticeable?

“Uh, no, don't worry. I'm fresh out of the shower and still warmed up from that, I'm fine.” he managed some reassuring words with a crooked smile. Good save there, Andy.

“So that's what's smelling so nice.” now that was an unexpected compliment, he had to admit, smiling shyly at the words.

“Thanks.” he could only give back, his thoughts immediately lost as Theo smiled at him warmly, making all his butterflies go wild. Oh fuck, now his pulse was definitely going up, wasn't it? It was going up, he realised, as did the other if the sudden frown was anything to go by.

“Are you okay? Are my hands too cold, after all?” Theo asked rather worriedly, already pulling his hands away a bit. Oh fuck great Adam, do something you moron! he thought in a slightly panicked way, not wanting to ruin the intimacy.

“Ah, uhm no-, it's okay, really I just am, err, happy?” he stuttered out helplessly, wanting to smack himself in the face shortly after. Great, couldn't he have thought of something better to say than-

“Oh”, the other interrupted his train of thought, blinking twice, a hue of pink colouring cheeks, rosy lips crinkling into a smile, “me, too.”

Wait.

“What”, he voiced before thinking, now the one to blink in confusion, “you are?” Theo hummed and now his heart really was doing the funniest things. This was not normal. Neither was his urge to grin brightly. He allowed himself a small one, squeezing the hands he still held to provide warmth. The other's smile grew bigger in response.

---

It was a pity Adam had put on a white turtleneck and black suspenders eventually. Well, it still suited him exceptionally well, of course, though the view on his naked upper body had been very, very nice, too. And the other had been so wonderfully warm and oh god, he was so lovely even when he'd been flustered. Honestly, it should be illegal to-

“Alright, the microphone's ready.” Adam interrupted his thoughts and he needed a second to remember what the actual situation around him was. Ah, right, they wanted to try out making some music together for fun and the other had set up his equipment for that while he'd been watching absent-minded. He just hoped he hadn't been staring too much.

“Brilliant. You don't mind if I warm up first, right?" he asked, getting up from the bed corner he'd been sitting on. His host gave him a little 'go ahead' wave with his hand, followed with a pair of headphones given to him. He thanked with a smile and put them on. God, it had been so long ago since he last had this sort of equipment and excitement about singing. He checked again with a glance if the microphone was on before humming into it slightly. The sound of his own voice resonated in his ears clear and crisp, speaking volumes about the equipment's quality. Well, if Adam did soundtracks for a living he definitely needed good technology.

With a thumping heart he closed his eyes and dared to sing a few notes, no distinct melody, though it gave him a good feeling of how the microphone took his voice, how it made him sound eventually. He tried to sing deeper, then higher, starting to form words, remembering lyrics, the nostalgia coming slowly to him in the process, like an old friend he hadn't seen for years yet remembered every detail of its face. It wrapped wholly around his chest and throat, hanging in his voice like a bittersweet aftertaste. He remembered how good it used to feel to sing and write songs, remembered how exciting it was to come up with lyrics and melody, remembered that one time they'd played in front of a tiny crowd in a pub. The small stage had creaked under his steps and it had smelled like alcohol, cigarettes and heavy perfume. There had been four lights and a broken one on them and by the end of the fourth song he'd been sweating so much he'd taken off his shirt. At the fifth song he'd been concerned the stage would break as he'd jumped around joyfully and with a massive grin on his face. But it was alright, there were people trying to sing along to the refrains with him and clapping to the beat. They'd deserved all he could give.

And then remembered the soul-crushing feeling of the day they had given up on the band, the day he'd stopped singing.

As he did a moment later, realising that his feelings became too overwhelming, too much to dig any deeper in what had happened long ago. When he looked over to Adam to get himself back into reality, into the now instead of hanging onto his memories of the past, he found something he hadn't expected at all.

"Adam...?" he asked carefully, softly, the other's attention suddenly snapping back at him, glassy blue focusing on him again.

"Are you alright...?" he inquired further, still minding his own voice as Adam faked a smile.

"What? Yeah, yeah I'm just-, it's fine, I'm fine." the other tried to reassure him quickly but it was hard to believe if at all.

"Adam you're crying, are you sure you're fine?" he pointed out before asking with clear concern. The surprise on Adam's face spoke volumes.

"I'm-? Ah fuck, now that's embarrassing" came back with a half-hearted laugh as the other man wiped away the few tears that had been running down his cheeks unnoticed, "I guess I was just a bit, well, overwhelmed by your singing."

"You were?" he asked rather confused, not really able to believe he could've moved someone like this. But he got a nod nonetheless followed by a shaky intake of air.

"I don't think I've heard this much emotion in anyone's singing for a really, really long time", Adam confessed, looking down onto his hands in an absent-minded fashion, "It's like I could hear your love for music", there was a pause, "and you made it sound so...easy. Like greeting an old friend you haven't seen for years and you just go right back to where you left off." He wanted to ask how the other could know this so well if he wrote soundtracks for a living but he had a feeling Adam wasn't done yet, so he kept silent. He should be right.

"You know, when I was younger and still ambitious to be in a band, I actually put ads in newspapers. I got five responses in total", another pause, this time a longer one, then, hesitantly, "After listening to my tracks they told me my music's not for them and that I'll surely find someone else. I, well, I thought I wasn't good enough then, so I practised more, almost every day. When I was twenty-three I send my songs to a record label hoping they might want me and just give me people to work with", there was a long moment of silence this time in which he could practically see the outcome of this already, "they told me I suck. Nicely, of course but that was about it. I gave up about becoming a member in a band. I nearly gave up on music, too. I only got into soundtracks thanks to what a friend of mine told me." Adam shook his head with a faint smile.

"What did that friend of yours say?"

"When you burn with passion for something then there's something that needs to burn. The fire might one day go out because it rains or runs out of fuel and it will leave nothing but ashes. Make sure these ashes will be the fertiliser for something that was worth burning for." Adam's words hit deep and clear, rendering him unable to respond for several seconds.

Then, a simple thought filled his mind. He'd burned deep and long and painfully and music had brought him nothing but ashes. Until now. And without any hesitation, he spoke.

"Go out with me."

"Go out?", the other asked completely confused, not seeming to understand, "right now?"

"No, tomorrow, if that's fine. On a date. Go out on a date with me." He clarified, his heart racing yet his mind being oddly clear. Adam's expressions were beautiful, going from bemused to realisation to surprise to a genuine, happy smile.

"I-, well I'd love to, really. Just, where is this suddenly coming from?" Theo started to smile.

"I just want to put my ashes to good use."

---

From: Adam To: Paul Picture send

“What do you think?” he asked after he'd put his phone back to his ear so he'd hear the response of his friend. There was a thoughtful pause.

“Doesn't he have that low-cut waistcoat somewhere? You know, the black one.” came probably from right next to Paul, which could only be Lael, followed by an agreeing hum of his actual call-partner.

“He's right, change the suspenders for that waistcoat. The white shirt can stay.”

“Okay, sec.” he just gave back, putting the phone away and quickly getting out the aforementioned waistcoat. It was definitely an appealing choice, he had to admit. After all, it framed his chest quite favourably and he wasn't doing sports without a reason. He put it on quickly and snapped a picture again, sending it once more.

“Better?”

“Molto bene.” Paul approved and the faint whistle he heard in the background was underlining it quite well.

“Am I not a bit too, I don't know, overdressed?” he asked uncertainly, eyeing himself up in the mirror, turning from left to right.

“You're always overdressed, Adam. That's part of who you are. If he's not okay with that you can dump him right away.” Paul gave back in a deadpan voice before he suddenly heard some rustling and some muffled complains.

“Bite-size here's right”, came Lael's voice from the phone rather unexpectedly, explaining the sounds, making him chuckle at the nickname, “I'm pretty sure that Theo-boy won't be thrown off by how gorgeous you look, though. And honestly Adam, you're going on a date, you're expected to dress up.”

He sighed, knowing they were right. “Well yeah, alright.”

“And now go tap that ass!” Paul encouraged him suddenly again at a way too high volume, causing him to hold his phone away from his ear several inches.

“What the fuck man! I told you already I will not-”

“Yeah sure, have fun tiger and don't forget the condoms and lube, bye.” and with that, the monotonous beeping sound on the other end greeted him before he could say another word, getting him to pinch the bridge of his nose with thumb and index finger.

“One day I'll kill him for sure.” and not even Lael could stop him then. For now, he had better things to do, though, quickly getting ready with the few preparations left he still had to do. After his hair was neatly in place and the perfume applied, he checked his teeth again in the mirror, practising some smiles afterwards. He still couldn't quite believe Theo had actually asked him on a date and he was getting nervous again just thinking about it. With a deep breath he fixed the hair on his forehead once more, fiddling with his collar, straightening his waistcoat, checking his teeth again-

Jesus, he groaned. Calm down Anderson. You're not fifteen anymore. Your teeth are fine, your hair won't go out of shape unless you decide to shower under a waterfall and your shirt is perfectly ironed as is your waistcoat. There really was no need to get nervous over his appearance. Maybe he should check if his boots were properly polished, though? He tried to walk calmly into his hallway so he would waste as much time as possible before picking up the shoes he wanted to wear. An annoyed sigh escaped his lips. Of course, they were pretty much showing him a perfect reflection of himself, what else? He'd never thought having a habit of polishing one's shoes regularly could be such a disadvantage. But alas he was left with being nervous again, checking his watch if he would be left alone with that for much longer.

Huh?

It was already five past six. Hadn't they agreed on six? Theo had always seemed like a rather punctual person so the sudden lateness came as a surprise. What if the other had forgotten about it? No, that was ridiculous. What if he'd changed his mind and didn't want to go out with him anymore? Get a grip. He probably just can't find his keys or something. Yeah, that must be it.

He decided to sit on his couch for the time it would take Theo to find his keys or whatever and just scroll a bit through Instagram while waiting. There wasn't much to see to his demise, mostly just Christmas things like lights or trees or markets and the occasional selfie. It was only mildly distracting. That was, when he suddenly felt a hot shiver running down his spine. Wait. Should he give a present to Theo for Christmas? Or would that be too much given they barely knew each other properly for what, a week? But then again shouldn't he have a gift for someone he'll go out on a date with? But what if he had one and Theo won't? Wouldn't that be rather awkward? Though now that he thinks of it he would like to give Theo a present. But then they'd have to meet some time before or shortly after Christmas again, would that be alright with the other? And if Theo agrees, what would he get him?

He sighed, leaning his head back against his couch and closing his eyes. Great. Stopping to worry about one thing, immediately starting to worry about another one. His mind was awfully kind to him again today. Shouldn't he be saved from this some time soon? He glanced at his watch. 20 minutes past. Could it really take that long to find a pair of keys? He scratched at his nose, starting up at the ceiling. Theo had definitely said tomorrow yesterday, so today, right? He wasn't mixing things up or anything for sure, was he? Maybe it had been a dream? Alright no, that was getting ridiculous again.

"Jesus fucking Christ." he groaned at himself, running his hands over his face before grimacing at the ceiling. Stupid thoughts.

The sudden ring of his doorbell made him nearly jump out of his skin. He got up hurriedly, his heart beating very quickly as he grabbed for his phone, almost running to the door. When he was about to grab the handle he stopped himself, taking a deep breath, putting on a smile and opening the door.

The elderly lady from above was standing in front of him with a gentle smile, a parcel in her hand. His shoulders fell with the disappointment.

"Adam dear, this came for you on Friday when you weren't there." she said softly, her voice as small as her appearance while she held out the package. He took it with a slightly forced smile.

"Thank you for taking it Mrs. Fletcher. That was very kind of you." his smile got more genuine as his sentence progressed and the old lady gave him a bobbing nod.

"Of course my dear. Say, you're so dressed up, are you going out tonight?" she asked, adjusting her thick glasses to look at him a bit better, her eyes the only big thing about her. He scratched at his jaw with an awkward laugh.

"Is it that obvious?"

"You're positively radiant my dear. Have a lovely evening." she wished him with another gentle smile, the pat on his arm just as light.

"Thank you, I wish you a nice one, too." he replied genuinely, watching her go a few small steps towards the elevator before he closed the door again. A look at the parcel revealed nothing interesting so he just put it away onto his sideboard, deciding to open it later. A glance at his watch suggested a good 30 minutes later than agreed. Maybe he should call and ask if something was wrong? Or was that too nagging and impatient? Ugh, he was terrible at being patient when he was nervous.

His doorbell rang a second time, startling him greatly. Still wondering if it would be too soon to call, he opened his door again, unexpectedly confronted with a flustered Theo. Well, at least the question whether or not to call was superfluous now.

"I'm so incredibly sorry I'm late", the other blurted out immediately, "it's just that when I ironed my shirt I accidentally burnt my hand and then I couldn't find anything for the burn and after I finally found something I cut myself on the scissors and then bled everywhere and after that I couldn't find my phone and then my keys fell under the wardrobe and god I'm so sorry." Theo babbled hastily, taking a deep breath after he was finished. The rather adventurous story made him frown with concern, grabbing after the other's hands carefully to see which one was the assaulted one. Turned out both were, the left one had apparently taken the burn while the right was spotting a band aid on its index finger.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, rubbing absent minded circles over Theo's skin with his thumbs. When he got no answer, he looked up into the other's face, a hue of pink colouring it brightly.

"Wha-? Ah, n-no", was the stuttered reply, followed by throat clearing, "aren't you mad though? That I'm so late?" He shook his head with a small smile.

"No, why should I? I'm just glad you came at all and didn't kill yourself." he joked, grinning now.

"Ha ha." Theo replied in a deadpan voice, not quite able to hide his own grin though.

"Well then, shall we go?" he suggested, letting go of the other's hands to get his coat and keys. Theo chuckled.

"I'm just waiting for you."

---

He wanted to die. No seriously, right now Theo would be perfectly fine with the giant Santa sleigh on top of the mulled wine booth to fall onto him and just blow out his lights for good. Or at least bury him deep enough in the ground that he wasn't visible anymore. The sooner the better because he was sure he won't be able to look Adam in the eyes for the rest of the evening. Why, god why was he so clumsy? Wasn't it enough that he'd already been late? No, first thing coming to the Christmas market was spilling mulled wine over his date. Hot mulled wine.

“If you find my outfit so awful you could've just told me, I would've changed.” the other informed him seriously while trying to soak up some of the spilled beverage with a napkin. He already breathed in to apologise again, when he saw the grin splitting those rosy lips. He held his breath, frowning before the actual humour hit him and he couldn't quite choose between looking offended at the joke or grinning.

“C'mon, it's okay, really.” he was reassured once again and he sighed, giving a loop-sided smile.

“Okay. Though to clarify things here, I really like your outfit. The waistcoat suits you especially.”

“Thank you. I can only give that compliment back. Big fan of the gloves.” he felt his already slightly coldness struck cheeks reddening more at this, a grin gracing his features.

“Thanks. I'm not a fan of cold fingers so they are rather mandatory for me.”

“I usually have quite warm hands.”

He looked really intently at Adam. The other looked quite intently back at him, rising both his eyebrows slightly either in question or suggestion. A few seconds went past them without a hurry.

“You know what”, he finally started to speak again, “I think those gloves aren't working the way they are supposed to. My fingers are still cold.”

Adam's eyes crinkled as he grinned.

---

He looked admittedly annoyed at this Jessica-person Theo was talking to. The random encounter had only happened about ten minutes after the mulled wine incident and it was already going on for about half an hour. He had quickly registered her as the other man's ex-girlfriend after about five minutes and she seemed to know he was on something else than a casual stroll over the market with Theo, given the way she'd been skilfully ignoring him while simultaneously flirting her head off at her former boyfriend. He was rather relieved to see that Theo was trying his hardest to get rid of her politely, not paying attention to the obvious show of boobs or the way she 'accidentally' stumbled closer to him because clearly, someone who willingly put on heels that high to walk over a Christmas market casually suddenly couldn't go straight in them anymore.

Needless to say he was not amused.

---

“This must be a fucking joke.” Theo groaned in frustration, the 'closed' sign of the restaurant dangling mockingly in front of him behind dark windows.

“I booked a table, how can it be closed?” he asked rather himself than Adam, desperately looking for something that indicated what a huge fucking joke this must be. But the only other thing he saw was the smaller paper underneath the 'closed' with a short explanation that due to personal issues with the staff, the restaurant had been closed for the rest of the weekend.

“Well, it looks like a really nice restaurant, I appreciate the gesture.” the other tried to reassure him and he let out an irritated puff of air, concentrating on relaxing again and calming down. He didn't want to ruin this any more with his mood than the mulled wine-spilling, meeting of his ex and the unexpected restaurant-closing already had.

“Sorry” he eventually turned towards Adam, shoulders slumped rather defeated, “wanna go somewhere else?”

“No need to apologise, it's not your fault. And sure, anything in mind?”

“I think there's an Italian restaurant down that street, let's try there.”

---

Theo looked absolutely miserable with the way he was slumped in the corner of the cab, staring out of the window. Adam was rather concerned for the other, though he could understand the mood. On their journey to find another restaurant they've had to take a different way due to a construction site and promptly lost their way until it had only been reasonable to walk to the next big street and take a cab home. By then, all liveliness had left Theo, resulting in the poor lump of sighs and silence next to him. The problem was, he didn't exactly know what to say or do to cheer the other man up and turn this evening around again because it really had been an incredibly bad one. Especially because any attempt to make it any better had resulted in only making it worse.

Ah fuck, now he was starting to feel rather hopeless, too.

The sudden stop of the cab announced their arrival in their street, so they paid the man and left the car. Theo still didn't seem to have much attention for anything anymore, eyes not even meeting Adam's. Instead, his date just cleared his throat, walking an awkward step towards him and in the direction of his apartment.

“I guess the least I can do is drop you off properly.” Theo declared, voice as slumped as his shoulders. He fumbled with the hem of his coat at that, biting his lip. Was this really how their evening had to end? Just a devastated after-taste.

“Thanks.” was all he got out, his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth. It was almost like talking to the other for the first time again; not knowing a single thing about what to say nor do. It was awful. Just like the couple of seconds they needed to walk towards the door of the apartment-building.

“So, uhm, sorry today was such a failure. But, thanks for sticking with me until now.” Theo thanked him with a small if genuine smile, their eyes finally meeting again. Now was the perfect time to say something comforting, something uplifting but nothing came to his mind. So he could only lift the corner of his mouth meekly in response, getting out a few simple words.

“It's, uh, it's okay. Good night, I guess?” the other nodded at this, the smile falling again with a sigh.

“Yeah, good night. And sleep well.”

“You, too.” and with this, they parted ways, Adam unlocking the door to the building to get inside and walk up the stairs with a churning feeling in his stomach. It felt so undeniably wrong to leave the evening as it was but what else was there to do? The date had been an absolute disaster and honestly, he didn't know what could possibly be done to help that. With a deep sigh, he stepped into his apartment, closing the door and undressing from his coat and shoes before going right into the kitchen.

God, he needed a beer now. Luckily, he had a six-pack still in the fridge, which he promptly took with him to the living room. There, he slumped onto the couch, his glance drifting out of the window and to Theo's apartment. Said one was lying on his sofa in the living room, too, though face first, as far as he could see and the picture really did nothing good. This was a disaster. Because as much as he had been happy that the other had asked him out, right now he wished it hadn't been him, so he could just console the other about it like a good friend would do without it being immensely awkward and embarrassing.

That was, when an idea hit him and a wide grin spread over his entire face.

---

Theo groaned into the pillows of his couch. Horrible, horrible, horrible. It had been absolutely horrible. How could a date go this wrong? How could he ever even interact normally with Adam again after this? He wanted to die in shame in a hole in the ground, preferably right now. God. How could all of this just go so wrong? One or even two of those things would've been okay, he could've handled that but all of them at once? He couldn't even remember a single good thing about the whole day that had lasted longer than maybe 10 minutes. Fucking hell, he'd planned the whole thing so maybe he could get a kiss at the end of it but now he hadn't even managed a pat to the back. He should just get drunk and forget about it all.

A sudden ring at his door made him groan again in annoyance. He was in the middle of self-loathing right now, couldn't people see he was busy? Who would even come and bother him this late? He contemplated to pretend he wasn't home but the second ringing got him to sigh heavily before getting up from his position and scuffle to the door. He was about to bark out a rather unhappy “What?” at whoever was standing on the other side if it hadn't been for the one person he hadn't expected at all.

“Adam?”

“You won't believe the day I had”, the other exclaimed a bit theatrically, leaning against his door frame, “worst date ever.”

“W-what?” he asked rather confused, not quite getting what was just going on. Adam seemed rather unfazed, just humming in response before suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around.

“Yeah, honestly, so terrible, I gotta tell you all about it. So put on your shoes.”

“My sho-what?” the confusion only rose as the other pushed a pair of shoes into his hands, already turning away to apparently fetch a scarf and jacket, too. He didn't really get an answer, though.

“Adam what are you”, he started to put on one shoe while Adam seemed to look for something,” or... or we, what are we doing?” he tried to ask again, other shoe in place as well now. The other man had apparently found what he'd been looking for, namely his keys as it seemed, before turning back to him with a smile.

“As I said already, I have to tell you about my day. So, got your shoes on? Good, follow me.” his hand was grabbed at that and he was pulled out of his flat. Adam turned off the lights in his apartment afterwards and closed the door, giving him absolutely no clue whatsoever what on earth was going on. The jacket and scarf placed in his arms was not really helpful either.

“What is happening?”

“You might want to put those on.” he was only informed, before the other was walking towards the stairs again and he hurriedly put on his scarf, following while slipping into his jacket.

“I don't get anything what on earth is-” he started again, not understanding a thing but this time, he was interrupted.

“So, about today, as I said, I had this really awful date with this cute guy-”

“Wha-cute?” Adam thought he was cute?

“Yeah and he's really good-looking, too but oh god, I tell you the things that happened can't even be made up with a smile that bright.”

“Smi- okay what are you talking about Adam?” the confusion was slowly turning into downright denial of the whole situation because what was going on? Where were they going? They've just entered the other's apartment building but were they just going to his place? Why? And why would he need a jacket and scarf for a jog across the street? What the fuck is happening?

“Just follow me.” came back a bit less, well, like a soccer mum in her 30's talking to her friend Brenda over the phone about how Susan had flirted with the hot singe dad from 119 even though she had clearly already made a much more obvious move on him.

The much more pressuring question was, though, why they weren't actually stopping at Adam's flat. He tried to get a look at the other's face to see if there was any indication on what was happening but since he was walking behind Adam it was rather difficult. Wait. Were the other's ears red? Was he-?

“I hope you're up for a beer?” he was asked suddenly while Adam opened a door and he was about to answer when he looked past the other and onto the rooftop presenting itself to him. The words stayed stuck in his throat as he walked past his guide, eyes widening in wonder. He looked back at Adam for a moment, seeing some actual embarrassment overlaying his cheeks with a soft shade of red. Looking in front of him again, his smile came naturally.

Several blankets, sprawled out like a nest, were lying on the ground, invitingly provided with a couple of pillows. A warm, orange glow was cast over it by the fairy lights carefully put in a circle around it, the promised beer in a reachable distance to their designated seating. He shook his head in grinning disbelief, walking towards the whole construction, carefully kneeling down onto one of the blankets. He felt the softness of them underneath his fingertips and despite it being rather cold, there was nothing but warmth tingling under his skin. Taking off his shoes, he crawled further on top, sitting onto one of the provided pillows and wrapping one of the blankets around him. Looking up again, he gave Adam the brightest smile he could.

“Thank you.”

“Ah uhm, well, it's nothing, really”, the man started stuttering slightly, following him eventually onto the blanket nest, “I told you my day was terrible, so I thought hanging out and drinking some beer while we talk would be, uh, good.” He couldn't help laughing at this, eyes crinkling as he watched Adam snuggling under a blanket as well next to him.

“Hanging out, I see. Do you put up blankets and pillows and fairy lights on your roof top for all your friends when you hang out with them, too?” he asked in an amused voice, fondly watching the blush on the other's face getting more prominent.

“Just for the special ones.” came back quietly and he was almost tempted to ask for a repetition but he figured that he shouldn't be such a tease, considering the fact that Adam had done all of this for him. So instead he just scooted closer, placing his head on the other's shoulder.

“Thank you, Adam. Really.” he said softly instead, feeling how an arm was wrapped around him after a moment of hesitation.

Adam just smiled down at Theo despite knowing that the other couldn't see it, instead giving him a soft squeeze as answer. He then proceeded to take two cans with his free hand from the six-pack he'd brought up with him, offering one to the man in his arm. It was taken and opened, after which they both drank a sip in silence, looking over the nightly, yet illuminated city in front of them, the star-splashed sky above.

“So, you wanted to complain about that terrible date you had today?” Theo asked him after a while, sounding rather amused again. He sighed slightly at that, you should've known this would happen if you use it as excuse, putting his beer down.

“Oh yeah, it was the absolute worst. First I was panicking about what to wear over the phone to Paul and then my date was late. And that was just the beginning.” he started casually, trying to ignore his pumping heart.

“You panicked about what to wear?” the other's voice was surprised and he felt his heart even more now, trying not to notice his own embarrassment. Instead he just hummed, taking a gulp from his can. Theo chuckled.

“I bet you could've worn a potato sack and you would've still looked gorgeous. Or, you know, nothing.” he choked on his drink at that, starting to cough at which the other rose from his shoulder to look at him rather concerned, patting his back.

“Oh god sorry, was that-”

“Uh no, no”, he croaked out, coughing again, “it, uh, it wasn't, uhm, it's all good.” he reassured, smiling at Theo before coughing again. He pulled a rather unpleased face afterwards, though.

“I think I got some in my nose.”

“Sorry.” the other repeated rather meekly and he looked at Theo, using his can to smack him lightly against the forehead.

“Stop it, I said it's fine. In fact, I'd agree, I look magnificent without a shirt.” he joked, grinning at the other who snorted before smirking back.

“I can fully confirm that.”

“Wouldn't have expected anything else.” he declared rather play-confident, pulling Theo closer again to which the other obliged, snuggling into his side and putting his head back on Adam's shoulder.

“What happened after your date was late?” he was asked then and after another sip of beer, he looked up at the stars.

“He baptised me with mulled wine.”

“Baptised?” there was confusion. He chuckled.

“Yeah, to the name 'Ohfucksorry'.” at this, a whole-hearted laugh shook his companion's body and he grinned rather pleased with himself. The laugher ebbed away into smaller giggles eventually.

“I bet he was just too stunned by the way you looked to pay attention to his own feet.” he frowned at that.

“The way I looked?”

“The way the corner of your mouth curls and your eyes crinkle when you look around the Christmas marked, smiling softly to yourself.” Theo elaborated fondly-voiced to which he felt his pulse respond almost immediately, going up rapidly. He pressed his lips atop each other, fighting the stupid grin that wanted to sprawl all over his face.

“Theo?” he asked, playing with the opening-bit of his can.

“Hm?”

“Do you already have plans for Christmas Eve?”

“Not yet, why?” the other asked, shifting slightly in his embrace as he out his beer away.

“Wanna hang out?” he offered, another laugher, clear as the sky, giving him chills in return.

“Just hanging out?” he was asked then and he chuckled slightly.

“Well, I'd call it a date but you saw how well that-uff” he started to answer only to be hit in the stomach by a pouting Theo.

“Don't be mean or I'll tickle you.” he rose his eyebrow amusedly at that, grinning slightly.

“Is that a threat?” he wanted to reassure himself, shifting slightly to place his can elsewhere, too.

“You bet it is.” came back the definite answer and his grin got broader.

“Well good thing I'm not ticklish then.” he declared before tackling the other to the side into a bunch of pillows, starting to do exactly what he'd been threatened with. As expected, Theo started gasping and giggling immediately, a rather high-pitched squeaking interrupting whenever he seemed to hit a particularly ticklish spot at his left side.

“Oh go-aha-d s-st-o-p-ah stop A-ada-aha-m.” his victim squealed breathlessly, fighting against his hands relentlessly with his own. Well, given his periodic work-out, he clearly had an upper-hand when it came to strength, though, as well as the very fortunate trait that he wasn't, well, ticklish.

“P-plea-ahaha-se please sto-ha-op I ca-ahaha-n't b-brea-ah-ath.” the other began to beg him, tears already visible in the corners of his eyes. He decided to show some mercy, taking his hands off an inch to allow Theo to breathe. He didn't expect the mischievous grin that confronted him nor to be overpowered in the blink of an eye, now the one finding himself on his back while the other sat half on his stomach, half on his hip, pinning Adam's wrists in place while breathing heavily.

“That was”, Theo inhaled deeply, “very mean.” He gave back an impish grin, watching how the other tried to get a few lose strands of hair out of his face without letting go of his wrists.

“You threatened me first.” he clarified innocently, getting a risen eyebrow back.

“You insulted me first.”

“I just stated facts.” he pointed out to which Theo stuck out his tongue.

“Fuck you.”

“Wrong personal pronoun.” he offered with a wink. The other frowned at that, apparently needing a second to get his innuendo before a scandalised expression broke those handsome features up. He just grinned broader at that, wiggling his eyebrows as best as he could, to which Theo eventually started laughing again, shaking his head. The motion only caused to loosen more hair, though, which finally seemed annoying enough so the other let go of his right wrist to put it back in place. Or at least this had apparently been the plan, however, Theo lost his balance before achieving his goal, putting his hand only back on the ground soon enough so he wouldn't headbutt Adam in the face.

However, like this the other was also much, much closer than before, maybe two, three inches between them as their breath met. He barely dared to blink as he looked up, a blue glow of distant suns in an endless dark sky like a halo around Theo's beautiful face. He could see every eyelash, every minuscule change of shadow on the other's honey skin, every little move it took to breathe, every reflection in those dark, whisky-coloured eyes. And a distant longing took hold of his senses all at once.

In a night full of stars, Theo was the brightest and it felt almost too selfish to wish that he would fall for Adam.

And yet, he stretched out his hand to push the unruly strands of hair aside and back into place, watching in attention and wonder. He'd thought the other's pomaded hair would be sticky and stiff, not soft the way it was, yet eagerly following his touch. But he didn't retreat his hand afterwards, instead drawing a careful line down the side of Theo's face, over his temple and cheekbones and jaw before daring to cup it tenderly, stroking a thumb softly over the rose-colouring skin. Three brushes, then his hand slipped further under the other's ear, the golden earring cold to his touch as he gave a shy, yet affectionate smile. Theo's eyes danced to his lips and back up, gaze locking as the other slowly lowered himself. Adam inhaled deeply, the scent of beer and cologne filling his lungs, along with the faint hint of apple and cinnamon shampoo. They both tilted their heads so their noses wouldn't bump, only closing their eyes as their lips touched in a chaste, gentle kiss.

It was a tentative education, mouths brushing over and again to work out a rhythm and a pattern, a way of comfortable tenderness between them. Theo finally relaxed his body onto him in the process, a comfortable weight on his chest as perfect hands fondled his hair and cheeks and neck. Adam, in return to finally having his other wrist no longer pinned down either, wrapped his arm around the other's frame, running fingers up and down Theo's spine. There was no hurry in their movements, nothing as important as this. They were in their own little world again, warm, fuzzy feelings that had once been only interrupted by an arriving bus, now reigning free, running through them like blood when they eventually entwined exploring hands.

They both retreated slightly, reassured from the physical connection still between them, neither opening their eyes, instead bathing in the surreal glow of it all. Adam was the first to take a shaky breath and Theo responded at once, the other running the tip of his nose along the side of his, almost nuzzling into it. The intimacy was overwhelming both of them, Adam's free hand finding Theo's neck to pull him down again, kissing him more passionately this time, mouthing at his lips while the other gave a soft whimper in return, shifting against him. They pecked and nibbled in a breathless play, withdrawing only to come back together again more eagerly. Air came in heavy, moist puffs between them from condensing in mid-air, dampening their lips as Adam grazed his over Theo's, taking the other's bottom one between his teeth to pull slightly. The quiet sound he elicited from Theo's delicious mouth went through him like electricity and he needed to swallow once before attending to the mildly abused spot with loving pecks.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity and then some, their kisses ceased slowly, leaving them with shuddering breaths. With their foreheads touching and eyes still closed, Theo nuzzled his nose against Adam's contently, squeezing their still entwined hands with a soft smile.

“To think all of this came from a simple 'good morning'”, the other suddenly mused, inhaling their shared scent easily, “life is a funny thing, isn't it?”

He hummed, kissing Adam's nose before cushioning his head next to the other's, shifting so he was now lying next to him, admiring Adam's perfect profile for a moment. Said one adjusted his own position soon enough though, pulling a blanket over them before moving onto his side as well, looking back unashamedly.

“You know”, Adam continued, eyes softening unexpectedly, “I always disliked mornings”, it was a slow gaze, not glued to one spot but rather drifting over Theo's face and drinking in every detail as if this was the only thing that mattered in the world, “but meeting you at the bus, hearing your voice each day and see your smile”, as if Theo was the only person Adam ever wanted to look at, “it became my favourite part of the day.”

He couldn't breathe quite right, dazzled by the undivided attention, the way Adam's eyes were just so taken with him, the way those words were spoken to him so tenderly. For the first time since he'd taken notice of Adam, sitting on his kitchen's small windowsill, watching and listening to this handsome guy playing guitar on his balcony, he realised he wasn't the only one looking at the other but that Adam looked right back at him just the same.

“It's my favourite part, too.” he finally replied quietly, smiling softly at the man across from him who did the same. And just as they went quiet with this, absorbed in one another, did a small snowflake fall silently towards the earth. It took a bit until it reached them, carried by the wind to give a cold kiss to Theo's cheek, making him look up to the sky. The starry night had gotten cloudy without them noticing, the city's lights shining up to them, illuminating everything in a hue of gold and auburn, contrasting against the thousands of snowflakes falling to still grace the ground.

“I guess that's a sign we should move inside, huh?” he asked, looking back to Adam who looked back at him as well, smiling.

“Seems like it.”

“Well then let's grab the stuff and get going. Don't think I'm done hanging out with you yet.”

Adam laughed.

---

Adam was not a morning person. Not even close. Not even just a bit. He had a routine that involved only the most necessary things so he could stay in bed as long as possible. Getting up and getting ready really wasn't his favourite part of the day.

________________

Adam was not a morning person. Not even close. Not even just a bit. He had a routine that involved only the most necessary things so he could stay in bed as long as possible. Getting up and getting ready really wasn't his favourite part of the day. That part came, when he left his apartment and walked towards the bus station a few minutes away from it. It was crisp outside and his cheeks and nose got a hue of pink almost immediately from the coldness biting gently at his skin. To fight that off, he'd put on a scarf to bury most of his facial features in. But that only worked partially, since he couldn't do it for too long without dampening it with his breath. The scarf problem, however, was forgotten soon enough when he saw the bus stop from afar, along with an all too familiar silhouette standing out against the rest of the people.

It was a handsome young man, slightly taller than he himself was with dark, slicked back hair and whiskey coloured eyes. He was always dressed smartly, so Adam guessed him to probably work in an office or alike. What he liked most, though, was, that the other had the brightest smile and the warmest, most pleasant voice he'd ever heard. And both these things greeted him every morning on his way to work.

"Good morning." he was greeted again without fail when he was close enough, the soft smile lighting up the otherwise pretty dull world. With a warm prickling in his stomach he gave his best smile back.

"Good morning to you, too." he answered, the man's smile getting a tad lovelier even. They never continued to talk after this point, then again, they didn't go back to minding their own business either. Instead, they continued smiling at each other one way or another, admittedly rather shyly almost, until the bus's arrival would break them out of their own world and they would sit in different parts.

---

Theo sighed like a love sick teenager; his whole posture, head in both hands, wasn't too far from it either as he stared off into the distance.

"And that smile." he sighed again, remembering the way it softened those gorgeous indigo blue eyes.

"If you fancy him so much, maybe something else than just a 'good morning' would be appropriate. For example, actually talking to him, you know." Alex suggested a tad sarcastically, picking at his lunch rather disinterested. Not that it was much worth eating anyway, this cafeteria surely wasn't the best one.

"I'm trying but every time something finally comes to my mind the bus is already there and we don't sit next to each other." came back the defeated response and his friend's shoulders slumped a bit.

"How about asking for his name?", he offered, trying to tame what was supposed to be spaghetti carbonara but resembled a greying glomp of insult to his nose and taste buds much more, "I mean, you had no problem talking to me the first time."

"But talking to you is different, Alex", Theo whined a bit, finally picking up a fork to pretend doing something with his cooling lunch as well, "I mean, he's just so...", there was that sigh again.

"You wanna tell me something, Hutchcraft?" he asked with a playfully offended tone, giving the daydreaming man a light kick under the table. That actually brought the other back to reality with a laugh.

"You'd rather I'd find you attractive?" Theo asked with a grin, wriggling suggestively with his eyebrows.

"Excuse you, I am attractive."

"Ah yes, I forgot your boyfriend tells you that like what? Every day?" he teased, watching the smugness on Alex's face being replaced with a light blush.

"Miles is not my boyfriend." his friend insisted, getting him to laugh again.

"Not yet, you mean."

"Oh, shut up."

---

"I'll talk to him today." Adam said with a determined voice, getting Paul to sigh heavily.

"You said that last week, too. And the week before that. And the one before."

"And the one before that, too." Lael chipped in, casually picking at his fingernails.

"What an overwhelming support. If you don't stop I might get sentimental and cry." came from the mocked man in a deadpan voice. Paul gave him a little nudge for that with his elbow.

"C'mon, don't be a wuss. You know we don't mean it like that."

"Speak for yourself, Walsham. I think Romeo here needs a kick in the butt so he'll finally talk to our charming stranger." Lael pointed out, quite literally, his finger directed at Adam's face.

"I mean seriously, how long do you already fancy him? Two months? Three? And you don't even know his name. If you don't talk to him you will never find out if you actually like him or if it's just a little crush." the accusing finger swayed a bit from side to side at each point before vanishing again. The accused one, however, merely let out a sigh.

"I know that, too. It's just-", he bit his lip, staring at his hands for a moment, meeting neither of his friend's eyes, "I know what I want to say or could talk about and I can play it over in my head a thousand times but as soon as I see him my brain just feels empty and I can't even remember my own name. I just can't get myself to say anything, then." he tried to explain, his shoulders slouching hopelessly. He could feel the sympathetic look on him until Paul suddenly jerked up with what seemed to be an idea.

"Adam, give me the key to your flat."

"What? Why?"

"Don't ask question, do what I'm telling you to do." He gave his friend a slightly suspicious look while fumbling the demanded object from his pocket, handing it over.

"Great, thank you. You'll get these back after you've talked to him."

"Wait, what?! Paul, are you insane? How am I supposed to get into my flat? Who says I'll even meet him on my way home?" he asked, trying to get his keys back that were promptly thrown to Lael who caught them easily.

"As if you aren't going home with the same bus he takes everyday, don't try fooling me, Andy. And my flat is just a few bus stations before yours, you can get it then. When you get his number, I might even drive you back with my car."

"You are fucking insane, Paul."

---

Fuck my life. Why today of all days? Fuck, fuck, fuck he cursed internally, running towards the bus station. Not only did his boss give him extra work which meant he'd had to stay longer and missed that bus, no, when he wouldn't hurry he would miss this one, the last one, too. So he clutched his bag, scarf and jacket tighter since he hadn't had the time to put any of it on, speeding up some more.

With nothing but a good portion of luck and aching lungs, he got into his chosen ride eventually, wheezing heavily. At least he'd managed. Thank god. He slumped down onto a free seat, still trying to catch his breath. He really needed to work more on his stamina again. There suddenly was a slightly stronger curve and an unexpected weight on his shoulder right after, distracting his thoughts from his fitness and instead redirecting them to the stranger leaning against him heavily. Ah well, probably asleep. He should wake them, so they wouldn't miss their stop.

He'd already lifted his free hand to do so when he caught a glimpse of the stranger's face in the window's reflection. He immediately froze in his action, recognising those handsome features everywhere. W-what? His intelligent thoughts bid him goodbye at once and his hand dropped aimlessly. Instead he could feel his cheeks warming up and his mouth getting dry. He tried to swallow against it without much success, his heart pounding quickly in his chest.

Suddenly, the man moved and for a second it seemed that the other would wake up. Or so he thought. Instead, he had an arm wrapped around his middle and a cold nose buried against his neck. Wait, cold? He swallowed again, trying to calm his nerves as he carefully touched the stranger's hand. It, too, was cold. He must be freezing, then. No wonder with these clothes in this weather. Didn't he have another jacket in the morning? he wondered, his gaze shifting to his own one that he still held onto. Well. It surely wouldn't do any harm now, would it? With a bit of careful shifting, he draped the piece of clothing over the sleeping man, making sure to cover him as best as possible.

---

It was nice and warm when Theo woke up, leaning against something comfy and soft. And it had a very pleasant scent, not to mention the almost soothing breathing pattern. Wait. What? he jerked awake at the sudden realisation, straightening his sitting position immediately. Something fell from his shoulders at that, a jacket? But that's not mine?, before he looked into the startled face of the stranger that had been so kind to let him sleep on his shoulder. When he realised who it was, the already inevitable embarrassment that had been coming at him hit with a force even greater than expected, turning his head into a glowing, red traffic light.

"Oh fuck, I'm so sorry!" he blurted out, wishing he could just sink into the ground and vanish. Fuck, why me?

"It's okay." he was reassured quickly, though shortly. Oh god, he hates me. Somebody needed to kill him. Was it okay to wish for an accident? He could no longer look at the man next to him and so his eyes fell onto the jacket that was resting in his lap. Only now did he realise the extend of the stranger's kindness.

"Oh, this is yours, right? Thank you for covering me with it", he thanked the other, taking the clothing article to hand it over, "And uhm, thanks for letting me sleep in general. I hope I didn't cause you any trouble or discomfort?"

"I-it was nice-, I mean, fine. It was fine. Totally fine." the man replied in a slightly confusing manner, taking his jacket back. He wasn't sure if the other hated him now or was as embarrassed about the whole situation as he was. There was a prolonged silence between them for several moments after this in which neither of them seemed to know what to say. Luckily, it was interrupted with their bus stop being announced.

"What? Oh fuck no." the man next to him suddenly cursed, seemingly distressed to Theo's confusion.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned about the troubled expression of the other.

"I totally forgot that I needed to get out earlier. I, uh, lost my keys today and a friend of mine offered me that I could, err, sleep at his place. But I missed the station and there's no bus back anymore." came back the explanation and if he hadn't felt terrible before, now he was certainly hoping someone would just shoot him, please and thank you.

"Fuck, I shouldn't have fallen asleep,  I'm so sorry, really." he apologised, already wrecking his brain with something he could do.

"Oh no, no, it's fine, it wasn't your fault. I've been not paying attention. It's okay, I guess I'll just walk the way." the kind stranger reassured him but he could hardly cause so much trouble after he'd been treated so nicely.

"No way. You know what? You lent me your shoulder to sleep on and your jacket to warm me, let me lend you my couch, okay?" he offered quickly before he could think it through, seeing the surprised look on the man's handsome features.

"You would-? Ah but I don't want to cause you trouble, it's fine, I can walk, honestly. I mean, you don't even know my name."

"Well then", he held out a hand, "I'm Theo." the look of confusion he received was adorable before his offered hand was taken with a warm and firm grip.

"I'm Adam." he finally got to know the other's name and he couldn't help the grin spreading on his face as they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you, Adam. So, wanna get out and follow me, then?" he asked with a softer smile now, gesturing at the outside as the bus slowly came to a stop.

---

From: Adam To: Paul Picture send

From: Paul To: Adam What the hell Anderson, whose flat is that? Did you really go as far as sleeping at someone else's place?

From: Adam To: Paul It's Theo's flat

From: Paul To: Adam Who the hell is Theo?

From: Adam To: Paul Guess

From: Paul To: Adam NO WAY ARE YOU KIDDING ME

From: Adam To: Paul Nope

From: Paul To: Adam BRO I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. YOU GO TAP THAT ASS YOU SPLENDID FUCKER

From: Adam To: Paul Wtf Paul he just offered me his couch since I don't have a key to my flat because of SOMEONE

From: Paul To: Adam HAVE FUN MATE AND TELL ME ALL THE DIRTY DETAILS TOMORROW. I GOTTA GO TELL LAEL NOW, BYE.

From: Adam To: Paul WHAT THE FUCK PAUL THERE WON'T BE ANY DIRTY DETAILS GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER MAN I'M JUST SLEEPING ON HIS COUCH. HIS /COUCH/. ALONE. GOT IT? A L O N E

From: Adam To: Paul Yeah sure ;)

With a defeated groan he closed the messages and put his phone away. Idiot. As if I would-, he didn't finish the thought, a blush creeping up his neck. Shaking his head, he tried to forget about it as quickly a possible, instead distracting his mind with looking around. Theo really had a nice flat, even though it was rather small. Still can't believe he lived across from me the entire time and I didn't even notice he mused, getting up from the sofa to look out of the window. Apparently this room and the kitchen were facing his flat's way with a perfect view into his bedroom and living room with his balcony. He couldn't help another wave of redness, as his memory reminded him very kindly of the fact that he had a habit of running around topless for quite a bit sometimes when he worked out or after showering. Surely, he was a lot more confident in his body now since the training had shown some effect but the thought that the other could have seen him was just-

"Adam?" he didn't finish the thought but instead turned around at the calling of his name. How was it possible that it sounded so much better when his newly made acquaintance said it?

"Tea?" he was offered then with one of those brilliant smiles that got his heart into some serious trouble. He nodded shortly.

"Sure. Thanks." was all he managed to get out upon which Theo vanished again from the door frame he'd stood in. Way to go Anderson. At least try to give longer answers. He will think you're a total looser if you don't step up your conversational skills a bit. He sighed, deciding to show some good manners instead of pondering any further and walking into the kitchen to offer his help.

"Hey, you need a hand?" he asked as he saw the other holding two cups in one hand, a pack of tea bags and two spoons in the other and a package of biscuits with his teeth.

"Yeff pleafe." came back the muffled answer and he couldn't help the chuckle as he took the biscuits from Theo's mouth. How was it possible to look this cute with a food package between one's teeth anyway?

"Thank you."

"No problem." they both looked at each other with a smile, not unlike those they shared in the morning. Only this time no bus would come to interrupt them. And so it was almost too easy to get lost in the golden hue of light over whiskey brown depths, the curve of soft, thin lips, the well defined collarbones visible under a slightly opened shirt-

He finally managed to snap out of this-, whatever it was they were doing, swallowing rather soundly in an attempt to work against the dryness in his throat. That seemed to eventually snap Theo out of it, too, if the sudden throat clearing was any indication. The warm silence around them was gone and had turned into an awkward one almost instantly.

"Uhm, tea?" he asked in an attempt to flee the uncomfortable situation, getting an almost hasty response.

"Oh, tea. Yes, yes of course." and with that his host quickly got to making said beverage, leaving Adam a tad lost with what to do. So he just inspected the biscuits, trying to come up with something to say. However, his brain was as empty as always when he was trying to talk to the other and he could kick himself for this inability. Instead, he just pressed his lips together into a thin line, skimming over the ingredients for the fifth time now without reading a single word.

"Don't you like those?" he was suddenly asked and his head snapped up in confusion.

"Sorry, what?"

"The biscuits. Don't you like them? You stare at them as if they've personally offended you. I also have other stuff to nibble on with the tea if you want?" Theo offered, already about to open a cupboard to look for said other stuff apparently.

"Oh no, no. Biscuits are perfectly fine." he interrupted the action hastily, feeling even more stupid now for his non-existent skills to talk with the man.

"Really? I mean it wouldn't make any trouble at all, I also have more hearty things or salty if you like or-"

"It's okay I just, uhm", he blushed slightly, "Ijustdidn'tknowwhattosaythatsall." he rambled down quickly, trying not to look too awkward as he avoided Theo's eyes. The sudden, easy laugh he could hear however caused him to look at the other again with a jumping heart.

"I'm sorry, it's just-" the man started, calming down into a light chuckle, "it's kind of relieving to know I'm not the only one." Theo confessed and he couldn't help a grin either now.

"Guess you're right. Shared awkwardness isn't so bad." and there it was again, that capturing smile that got his brain to zone out on everything else, his own mouth mirroring the action as his insides bubbled with warmth.

"Say, do you like Prince?" his new acquaintance suddenly asked him out of the blue and his mind needed a moment to progress that question.

"Of course, who doesn't? Prince is brilliant." he gave back, watching how Theo fumbled out his phone from his pocket.

"Here", the device was held out to him, "I got some songs of him on my phone. There are speakers in the living room. I'll follow in a moment when the tea is ready."

"Do you trust every person with your phone that easily?" he asked while talking the mobile, getting a grin in return.

"Nah, only the kind ones.

"And what if I take it now and run away?" he asked jokingly, trying to contain his delight over being one of 'the kind ones'. The other seemed to enjoy his humour, giving an echoing laugh.

"You wouldn't. I know where you live, mate."

---

His couch definitely wasn't made for two grown men to sit comfortably across from each other, at least not, without their outstretched legs meeting in the middle. In this particular case it was rather favourable however, since they could share a blanket like this until the turned on heater would warm the room up enough. Otherwise it was pretty cosy though, both of them with a cup of hot tea in their hands, some Prince songs paying in the background and Adam currently nibbling on a biscuit.

"And what happened to your jacket that you wore this morning?" said one asked him, gesturing vaguely to his upper body.

"I was over at a friend's place after work because he doesn't live far from it and then I accidentally forgot it there when I rushed to get the last bus." he explained, making a mental note that he needed to get it tomorrow. Good thing it was Saturday then, so he didn't need to hurry up with anything.

"Explains a lot. I was already wondering where it was when you were sleeping. You've seemed pretty cold." the memory of this incident brought the redness back onto his cheeks and he tried to hide it a bit behind a gulp of tea. He nearly burned his tongue with it but endured the stinging pain bravely with an indifferent face.

"Yeah well, thanks again for lending me your jacket then. And uhm, sorry for snuggling up on you that much." he apologised meekly, trying not to get too embarrassed over that fact. It had been incredible nice, though, to wake up this way. Adam sure had an intoxicating scent to him and an undeniable warmth.

"No problem, really. I, uhm, didn't mind at all." came back with a shy smile and he couldn't help to muse about how good a smile, no matter what kind, looked on the other's face.

"Okay. Though are you really fine with being here instead of with your friend?" he wanted to know. Being with a friend was surely much nicer than being with a stranger, after all.

"Perfectly fine." was the immediate answer and he really hasn't expected the honesty of it.

"Ah, err, I mean, his boyfriend is over at his place over the weekend. And they are both great pals of mine but I can totally do without being the third wheel." was added then with a little shrug and he had to chuckle at the explanation. The image this produced in his mind was surely entertaining.

"I can so understand you. My friend at whose place I've been earlier, Alex, has this massive crush on one of our customers, Miles and oh god when they start flirting I swear I could leave them and come back twenty minutes later and they were still at it, not even noticing that I've been gone!" he told his own little story, waving one hand that didn't hold his tea around with emphasis. Adam gave him a little laugh for that, which immediately made his heart do a happy flip. Oh fuck, that was a sound he wanted to hear again.

"Oh god yes, you're not the only one with that problem as it seems. That's why I insist on at least one other person when we go for drinks. Thankfully our friend Pete usually comes with us so it's okay."

"Oh that's a good tactic. Third-wheeling with someone else is surely less, well..." he trailed off, not exactly sure what word to use.

"Awkward?" his guest offered in an attempt to help and he chuckled again.

"Shared awkwardness really isn't too bad, huh?" he asked rather rhetorically, getting a grin in return.

"Well, if you ever need someone to share it with, I'm just across the street."

"Careful or I'll take you up on that offer." he threatened playfully with a wink and Adam laughed. It suits him so well he thought as his fingers curled tighter around his cup in excitement.

"Well, I certainly hope so." was added in between and he grinned along. God, he sure could get used to this.

"Say, do your mates also do the smiling and staring thing?" he asked then, watching how the man's features evened out into a more thoughtful expression.

"You mean when they just grin at each other like the two love-sick morons they are, heart eyes and all and not saying a word?"

"Yes, yes, exactly that!"

"You bet they do", Adam nodded while gesturing with a biscuit for emphasis, "You can basically see the little hearts between them."

"Same here. I'm always so close to just tell them to get a room or something." he agreed, remembering the other day when it had been a whole thirty seconds of solid silence. How did Alex and Miles even do that without feeling awkward?

"Believe me, telling them only makes it worse." the other warned him with a sigh before holding up the biscuit package.

"Don't you want any by the way?" he was asked and now that it was mentioned, he sure felt a bit of appetite for the sweets.

"Sure, why not? Just throw one." he instructed casually, pointing at his mouth. Adam gave him two risen eyebrows for that instead of a biscuit.

"Are you sure? I can just hand them to you, you know?"

"It's more fun this way. Trust me, I'm good at catching things with my mouth." he insisted with a grin and the other complied to his will, taking a biscuit out of the package, aiming shortly and then throwing. It was surprisingly easy to catch, he barely had to move at all and the sweet landed safe and sound in his mouth.

"See? Worked perfectly." he smirked while chewing, taking a sip of tea afterwards.

"Well, a lot of people can do that from like a three feet distance. That's hardly impressive." Adam teased with a chuckle and this time Theo was the one to rise an eyebrow.

"Oh, you wanna see something impressive? You should have told me that right away." he answered easily, wriggling himself out from under the blanket and putting his tea onto the small coffee table in front of the couch. The before smug expression on the other man's face had turned into a curious one now.

"What are you doing?"

"Showing you something impressive, obviously." he teased, looking around the living room shortly before deciding on the furthest corner from where his guest was sitting.

"Would this be more impressive?" he asked with a grin after positioning himself.

"Only if you actually catch it."

"Convince yourself, then." he offered nonchalantly, waiting for another throw. He didn't need to wait too long for the short "Ready?" to which he only gave a nod before the biscuit was already coming his way. And proudly caught between his teeth promptly.

"Impressive enough?" he asked with a pleased expression, going back to the couch to sit down again. Unexpectedly, though, instead of an answer, he suddenly heard clapping, which actually got him a bit flustered. He did a small bow eventually before getting back under the blanket. It wasn't exceptionally necessary anymore, to be honest, since his heater had turned the room rather toasty over the time. However, if he had an excuse like this to be a bit closer to Adam then he surely wouldn't waste it.

"I hope you don't expect me to do something impressive now, too." he gasped theatrically at that, trying to look as over-the-top taken aback as he possibly could.

"You won't?" he added to his act with a scandalised voice, barely able to hold back the grin that threatened to destroy his Oscar-worthy performance.

"Unless you have a football lying around here somewhere I guess I must disappoint you. I would've done a thousand kick ups otherwise." the other explained with an impressively straight face that got him to doubt for a second whether or not the man was actually telling the truth or thoroughly bullshitting him. But the absurd number eventually got him out of his pretence, making him laugh again.

"Didn't know you were so talented in football that you could do a thousand kick ups. Very impressive indeed." he teased, getting a grin in return.

"I'm a man of many talents." Adam joked, wriggling his eyebrows before emptying his cup of tea. He snorted at the ridiculous expression, already about to comment on the implication of 'other talents' in return when the words got stuck in his throat as he suddenly heard his own singing voice coming from his stereo. Oh fuck no, I totally forgot I still had that recording! He cursed himself internally, trying to quickly grab his phone and turn the embarrassing audio off.

"Hey, that's good, is that you?" the other asked him just when he had his phone in hand and his thumb hovering over the pause button. Instead of pressing it now, however, surprise plastered itself all over his face at the unexpected words.

"Uh, yeah. You think it's good?" he asked in disbelieve.

"Totally." he felt his cheeks getting warmer at the compliment, a soft smile stealing itself on his features at the earnest answer.

"Thanks. I always thought I kinda suck, to be honest."

"What? You must be kidding me." Adam seemed genuinely disbelieving now. Theo shrugged slightly.

"Nah, I really do suck. Or am mediocre at best. You probably just overestimate my voice, I was lucky with that record." he tried to brush it off casually, finally stopping the singing his recorded self had still been doing.

"Alright, let me rephrase that: are you sure your ears are okay?" Adam asked him with a frown, sitting up straighter from his rather laid back position.

"My ears", he emphasised with a hint of bitterness in his voice, trying to ignore the decreased distance between them, "are fine."

"Then how can you say you're mediocre at best?" the other still seemed pretty disbelieving over his statement. He couldn't really blame him for not getting what Theo was talking about, though, since it wasn't possible for his guest to know, after all. He chewed his bottom lip slightly while staring into his cup of tea, recalling rather painful memories.

"I had a band with a few of my friends a couple of years ago. I was singing then, too. You know in front of how many people we played? Five. When we were lucky. And that usually already included the cleaning lady and the bartender. When we couldn't take it anymore we disbanded. Haven't talked to any of them since." he explained with a sigh, not really fond of remembering anything that had to do with his failed attempt.

"That still doesn't mean your voice is no good. It just means that it wasn't presented well enough." Adam told him calmly, though distinct. He'd never received an answer like that before and it threw him off enough to leave him in silence. Since they'd abandoned the band he'd always felt like it was sort of his fault. If he'd only sung better, surely people would've like them. It had never occurred to him to search for other sources for their failure. His expression turned bitter.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore anyway. It's not like I could still do anything about it." he gave back then, knowing very well that even though those words might soothe his conscience a bit, it wouldn't change the past. Nor would it bring back his failed dream.

"I could", Adam suddenly interrupted his depressing thoughts, "I write music." the other explained. He blinked, looking up at that.

"I'm writing soundtracks for a living. For small games and stuff. Though to be fair, I've always wanted to make pop songs. I'm just not really good with lyrics and I can't sing either." Adam told him with a crooked smile while scratching at his neck. He tried not to get too hopeful as he heard those words but it was really, really hard not to when his heart was basically beating like mad.

"I almost always wrote the lyrics in my old band. I just need ages to come up with any half decent music that isn't part of the melody." What kind of coincidence is this? Or can I call this fate? he wondered truly. There was a prolonged silence between them in which they just looked at each other, both slowly beginning to grin.

"Please tell me you think the same thing." he asked and Adam's grin got wider still.

"Well, I got a few audio files on my phone, so I guess I should show them to you first and then you tell me if we think the same."

---

He was warm and cosy, a great scent lingering in his nose as he was hugging something firm against his chest. The unfamiliar sensation of whatever he was lying on slowly got him to realise that this wasn't his bed, though and hazy memories of the evening before leisurely crawled into his only half awakened consciousness. Theo had offered him his couch to sleep on, so that would explain what he was lying on. I think we've also been talking about all kinds of things, he remembered eventually, like friends and third-wheeling and music and...and...? He frowned slightly. What did they do after this? He couldn't remember anything after he'd shown the other a few of his audio files from his phone and then they've been talking about how they should work together for fun, at least and about a few other things. He must've gotten tired at some point, apparently. Maybe he accidentally fell asleep during their conversation? It would explain why I can't remember how the rest of the night went he reasoned, not yet awake enough to worry whether that could've been rude or not.

A sudden movement in his arms captured his attention instead before it could actually go into any over-thinking and he cracked one of his eyes open slightly to examine what exactly he was even hugging in the first place. When all he could see was a tuft of hair, his brain finally jumped to the conclusion while his heart missed a beat. Oh. Oh god. There wasn't much room to whom was snuggling firmly against him while he held that person close. Unless there had been a lot of alcohol involved and a sudden urge to go out and party, there was precisely only one actual option. And he wasn't exactly sure what to do. A very large part of him just wanted to stay like this because fucking hell he smells so good and he fits really well in my arms but then again he also realised that this position would turn into a very, very awkward scenario once Theo was awake, too.

Which seemed to be happening earlier than he would like it to, if the reoccurring movement was anything to go by. With a hint of panic, he closed his eyes again and tried to even out his breathing, pretending to be asleep for a lack of any other ideas. As if he'd fall for that, his brain promptly reminded him very friendly however, his head is right next to your chest and your heart is pounding like mad.

"A' leas' share the aw'wardness properry with me", Theo suddenly mumbled with such a sleep-rough voice that it sent shivers down his spine, "I mean, I fell a-shleep, too, af'er all."

"Are you sure you're not still sleeping?" he asked, dropping his pretence since it didn't seem to get him anywhere anyway. And well, if the other already offered to share the awkwardness then he surely wouldn't say no to that.

"Point." Theo chuckled slightly, shifting again to, at least Adam assumed it from the position, not that he could actually see much, rub his eyes.

"You drink coffee?" the other asked then with a yawn and if he was honest with himself it was impressive how it didn't seem embarrassing to his host at all that they've woken up together on the couch, cuddling.

"Not really." was all he managed, getting a hum in return as Theo slowly sat up.

"Then I'll make you tea again." he was informed, though almost not noticing the words at first, his attention focused on the way too adorable appearance right in front of him. Tousled hair that hung in the other's face, a crumpled shirt, still half-closed eyes. He caught himself thinking that this was something he could get used to, his cheeks immediately heating up as he realised the implication.

"How can you be so unfazed?" he couldn't help but ask the still sleepy man, who only chuckled again at that.

"Wait until I had my coffee." Theo promised, patting his leg through the blanket before finally standing up fully. Instead of walking away, though, the other seemed to suddenly remember something, turning around towards him again.

"Or do you wanna shower or somethin' firs'?" now that it was mentioned, he usually showered in the evening but since he hadn't done so yesterday it would be good to do it now.

"If it's not too much of a bother." he replied carefully, though Theo only waved it off.

"As if. Jus' help yourself." the other offered generously, finally walking away from the couch and out of the room. Adam still needed a moment to collect himself before he did the same. He had to think shortly to remember where the bathroom had been again, though thankfully the flat wasn't too big and since he'd already been in the living room and kitchen there weren't many options left. So after he'd found his destination, he quickly turned the shower on and began to undress himself. He hummed a bit while he did so, a good mood overcoming him at the realisation that he'd not only talked to his crush of a couple of months, no, he had also slept the night at said crush's place and with the promise of wanting to work on music together, he had a good chance of seeing the other again soon. Not to mention that they actually lived across from each other. This really wasn't half-bad.

With a smile, he stepped into the small cubicle, the hot water immediately eliciting a pleased sigh from his lips. He enjoyed the relaxing sensation for a moment, closing his eyes as the droplets ran down his body, caressing his skin. Not wanting to take too long, though, he eventually took a look at the shampoo bottles, noticing about five different ones. There was one with mint and chocolate, another one with apple and cinnamon, the third claimed to have 'the scent of the wild', whatever that was supposed to be, then one with lemongrass and orange and one with coconut. He eventually decided onto one, quickly foaming himself up before rinsing it all of again. He then turned the water off and stepped out, taking one of the towels from the small shelf in the corner and drying himself with it. Just when he was done with putting on his boxershorts and trousers again did it occur to him that he should probably think about shaving. If 'help yourself' also implied that he could use the other's razor? He should probably ask.

Not bothering to actually put on his shirt, he left the bathroom to go look for Theo in the kitchen. However, to his surprise, the subject of his search was standing in the hallway together with another guy who held the jacket Theo had worn yesterday. Ah. Alex, right?

"Ah." the guy, probably Alex, suddenly said when spotting him, apparently not really bothering to actually greet him or anything. Instead, he turned to Theo again, handing over the jacket.

"Congrats. See you later." was the short addition before he was gone again, leaving Adam confused and Theo red.

"Uhm, sorry, did I interrupt anything?" he asked with a hint of concern over his host's state. Theo avoided to look at him at that, instead hanging up the jacket.

"Ah, uh, n-no. Not, uhm, really." the other answered hastily if stuttering, getting him to frown slightly.

"Are you alright?" he wanted to know, watching the embarrassed, loopy smile form on Theo's lips.

"I'm fine, I just, uh, hope you don't mind that my friend thinks we've, err, well, shagged." his eyebrows shot up at that, a blush colouring his nose and ears now, too.

"Aren't you straight?" he blurted out completely dumbfounded, wanting to smack himself in the head the next second when he realised what the fuck he'd just said. Surprisingly enough, the other answered undeterredly honest.

"Nah, I'm bi, so it's okay. I guess it's more of a bother for you, if anything."

"I'm not really straight either, to be honest." he confessed with a wildly thumping heart, getting a surprised look in return before they both turned even redder, avoiding each other's eyes. Adam tried to contain his grin as best as he could, though it wasn't exactly easy, since Jesus fucking Christ, I do have a chance. Biting his lip instead of the smile that threatened to break out, he took a deep breath to calm himself again, clearing his throat.

"Anyway, uh, what I actually wanted to know is if I could use your razor?" he finally managed to ask what had gotten him to leave the bathroom in the first place.

"Oh yeah sure, take whatever you need. I'll get your tea ready in the meantime. Say, do you want breakfast?" he was asked and the offer was tempting since it meant he had another excuse to stay longer with the other. On the other hand, he really didn't want to be such a bother.

"Only if it really doesn't cause too much additional work." Theo waved him off again at that, giving him a smile that was completely stunning in its radiating warmth.

"Not at all. I'm happy with the company." he was reassured kindly.

"Alright. Then I'll finish up quickly and come help", he already saw the protest on the other's lips so he quickly held up a hand to prevent it, "at least. Otherwise I'll really feel like I'm bothering you too much." Theo sighed at that.

"Okay", the other agreed then before suddenly sticking out his tongue shortly, followed by a grin, "then make sure you don't take too long or I might be done before you."

---

"And then we had breakfast together. He had to go after that sadly but before that he invited me to come over to his flat next Saturday." Theo told Alex excitedly over a cup of coffee, nearly spilling some on himself while gesturing around with it, a broad grin plastered all over his face. His friend gave him a smile for that, sipping on his own hot beverage.

"And how are you and Miles?" he asked curiously then and the other's innocent sip turned into violent coughing. The additional blush was all he needed to see to know something must've happened.

"Aha?" he enquired with a wide grin, rising his eyebrows expectantly as he leaned forward over the cafe's small table between them.

"Spill it, Turner, not the coffee." he joked with a wink, getting an eye-roll first for the play on words.

"He asked me out." was the desired answer and his grin took new dimensions at that.

"Finally! I was already worrying you'd just flirt on forever without ever doing anything." he emphasised the words with fake exasperation, laughing as Alex was refusing to blush and instead gave him a pointed glare.

"At least I'm flirting with him." the other pointed out nonchalantly, sipping at his cup again with a smug air around him at the obvious comment. Theo's laugh died out into a pout. Not that he was actually offended.

"Aw c'mon Alex, you know I was joking with you." he insisted, losing the pout again in order to wiggle his eyebrows. "I thought I'm your most favouritest bestest friend ever."

The other groaned. Theo laughed.

"I was drunk when I said that and I'm so going to take it back if you don't stop mentioning it."

"You'd rather I mention that time you called me a charming fu-"

"Don't mention it. Or I will bring up the drag queen incident and-"

"No no no no no okay I surrender, don't bring up the drag queen incident." he pleaded, trying not to remember that particular night in too much detail. He was still cringing from embarrassment every time. Alex seemed pleased with himself.

The darkness stretched endlessly, humming, brimming with tension so thick and heavy, it was almost impossible to breathe. Adam's jaw clenched, teeth grit together so hard he wouldn't be surprised if his muscles creaked under his skin. Fury and anger were clawing bloody wounds on his insides, hurt tightening his throat with a merciless, vice-like grip.

How could Theo think like this? Didn't he trust him? Couldn't he see?

"I did love you last night when I was drunk." he stated, voice cracking with the strain he put on it not to break with ire, sounding disturbingly loud in the absence of any other noise. He couldn't see the singer's face, let alone a reaction and it almost felt like he was talking to himself in his temper. His hands trembled slightly and he wasn’t sure which of his emotions caused it. Or which one of them pulled the invisible string around his neck tighter, giving him a hard time to swallow.

"As I loved you when you came to me when you couldn’t sleep." he continued, feeling his heart starting to beat heavily in his chest. He licked over his dry lips, the blood burning hot in his veins. He heard it rushing in his ears while he took a deep breath.

"I loved you when we stood in the rain and you wanted to quit it all. I loved you when you took care of me after I got ill. I loved you when we fought. I loved you when I had to pick you up god-knows-where at ungodly hours in a strange city. I loved you when you made me dance with you. I loved you all those times you called me when you were in America. I loved you when you came back, when we started to make music again, when you came to me all wet and shivering, telling me you love me, too." the last part was almost impossible to say for him with the lump in his throat and his heart abusing the inside of his chest with surprisingly well hidden violence. He was sure the other could hear his rapid pulse in the thick blackness, could hear his futile attempts of composure. He wasn't sure how it had happened or when but the angry fire heating his skin had lost against merciless waves of pain and frustration, washing him away like sand on a shore.

"God Theo, I loved you hundredths of times throughout our friendship", he felt his voice quiver pathetically while he closed his eyes in a senseless try to get out the next words easier, "And never once did you indicate that you reciprocated my feelings until a few days ago and I’m-” he stopped, biting his lip. Biting it hard.

“I’m afraid, okay?” and there it was.

“Afraid of what?” his friend asked and his voice still sounded hurt but was also calmer, trying to make sense of what still wasn't out.

“That you’ll leave me.” Adam gave back quietly. And no amount of self-control could cover up the vulnerability in his voice.

“That you’ll get bored of me or find someone better or simply realise that I’m not good enough for you. That I’ll never be good enough for you." he crumpled the fabric of his trousers in his right hand, trying his best not to think of the awful scenarios crawling into his consciousness.

"Because god, do you even know how it feels to love you of all people?" he asked with a short, hollow laugh, not even waiting for an answer.

"Stupidly, perfect you, with your stupidly wonderful hair and your stupidly gorgeous eyes and your stupidly beautiful smile and your stupid humour and stupid wit and intelligence and adorableness and your voice and kindness and generosity and optimism and charm and-” he cut himself off, biting his tongue for a moment to prevent himself from getting lost in the topic. He breathed in forcibly, feeling his blunt nails in his palm even through the fabric.

“-And then I look at myself and I feel like I don’t deserve to love you, don’t deserve to be with you, don’t deserve you. At all.” he paused, staring into the still present darkness, feeling like his chest was crushed under an invisible weight.

“You know I got nightmares.” at those words, his friend fell silent without ever needing to say a word, the quiet stretching on in an infinitely dense moment until it ripped with a single, quivering sentence.

“They are about you." he finally, finally confessed, his tongue like lead in his mouth, taking him every last bit of his willpower to move it, get it to obey his commands.

"We're separated by a simple wall of glass. You start talking to me and I respond with writing words on it. You eventually sing while I play the guitar but at one point, I get fed up with the wall between us. So I try to smash it, every time. And every time I try to get close to you, I get hurt. I can't play music anymore afterwards and you want to give me your arm so I can again. But I refuse, finding my voice to tell you that I love you and don't want you to sacrifice a part of yourself for me. And every time I tell you that, you kill me. You look at me and you smile and you choke me until I wake up crying and shaking." this time, he was glad he couldn't see his bandmate's face, not wanting to know how hurt he must be that Adam was dreaming this about him every night when in reality, Theo was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"I’m not allowed to love you, right?" he asked but didn't really address the singer at all, didn't really ask because for him, it was already obvious.

"But I dared to anyway and this is what I get. This is what happens when someone like me loves an angel like you.” he said this quietly and there was silence afterwards again. It was so thin and vulnerable, he felt like breaking something precious when he spoke once more, yet knowing it was inevitable because what he would say next would always outweigh the fragility of this moment.

“So go on. Say whatever you want, do whatever you want. But don’t, even just for another fraction of a second, believe that I don’t love you. Because I do.” there was no answer to this, no words that could follow this statement just now and the touch of two hands on his face didn't even seem to try. Instead, they were followed by a pair of soft lips pressing onto his helplessly. Gently, their mouths brushed against each other's in contrast to the almost desperate way they held onto one another, as if it was too much to bear having their hearts in separate bodies.

And Theo found himself trembling slightly, not sure if it was from his wet clothes or if he was simply overwhelmed by all the love he hadn't quite seen, hadn't quite felt until now. He remembered all the things Adam had mentioned, all the situations and he could barely believe that he'd been loved so much and for so long without seeing it. And despite the cold shivers running down his spine, he felt warm.

"You do", he mumbled with a choked tone, "you love me", his hands dropped from his friend's face, instead holding onto the soaked shirt of his man.

"God, you idiot. Moron. Wanker." he uttered, didn't even know what he wanted to say, how to say it, all kinds of thoughts and emotions fighting for dominance inside him. He tried to pull himself together, breathing in deeply.

"Of course you’re good enough." he insisted then, leaning his forehead against the other's and letting go of his lover's shirt. Instead, he searched for the pianist's hand, pulling it up and holding it against his own chest. His wildly pounding heart.

"Do you feel that? It's yours. You can have it", he stated, curling his fingers around his partner's, "Just love me and never stop. You're good enough, you're better than good enough, you're perfect for me, Adam. How can you not be?” he asked in such honesty, feeling an intake of breath as if to protest from the other. He wouldn’t have that.

“All the things you did for me and still do, how you care for me and are there for me is more than I could ever dream of deserving and you tell me you’re not allowed to love me? How could you not deserve to be loved with every last fibre of my body?” again, he asked in all seriousness, squeezing the slender hand in his own, though not waiting for an answer.

“I’m sorry, I know I doubted you but it’s because I didn’t know any better”, he admitted then, shame and embarrassment crawling up his neck, “Even though you acted like it you didn’t say anything and I...I just didn’t know. But now I do. And I thought you did, too.” he confessed, then, biting his lip.

“I just assumed you know how much you mean to me and that I would never leave you and that you’re far better than anything I could ever imagine deserving. I didn’t think that maybe you could have doubts, too. Because that would imply you didn’t already know. And how could you not know? You always do, somehow you always know me and always know what to do and say, so how could it be any different this time? I was so foolish, god, I’m so sorry I didn’t realise it, I know I should have-" he was cut off by a kiss so tender and soft, his heart jumped into his throat while he instinctively shut his eyes. He was pulled closer again by two strong arms, erasing the last bit of space that had still been between them, their bodies touching from tip to toe and next to his own rapidly pounding heart, he felt his bandmate's.

"I told you I love you." he mumbled into their shared kiss, remembering the morning in a sudden, surprising clarity.

"For two hours, I told you every single thing I loved about you while you were asleep." he continued, taking in a shaking breath, opening his eyes. To his surprise, the lights were back on and he could look right into his lover's face, see the pure, unadulterated adoration.

"And if that's what I need to do to help against your nightmares, then so be it. Because I refuse to leave you alone with your struggles. I refuse to leave you at all. Ever." he stated with a determined tone, watching how his friend's composure crumbled entirely as he hugged Theo tightly, burying his face in the singer's neck.

"Thank you." Adam mumbled, voice trembling, as he only noticed now, in unison to their bodies. But it was no surprise, given their rain-soaked state. He inhaled his lover's scent deeply for a while, relaxing slowly before letting go again, taking in the wet, figure hugging clothes of his friend that left arguably little to the imagination.

"As much as I like the view, I think we really need dry clothes." he commented with a crooked grin, getting a little, shaky laugh in return.

“Probably. And I mean, for having always wanted to be musicians we really suck at getting our job done today.” the other joked as well now, running a hand through his hair to get a loose strand back in place. The action wasn’t lost on Adam, who smiled softly at the habitual movement, brushing his fingertips along Theo’s hairline and down his face, cupping the singer’s cheek and drawing invisible patterns with his thumb over his friend’s cheekbone. He was about to say something when suddenly, a small ‘ding’ noise startled both of them and he quickly pulled his hand back, turning around towards the elevator’s door. To both their surprise, the opening door revealed Josh, a rather scrawny, bronze-skinned guy with terrible posture and a look on his face that was somewhere between bored and daydreaming, underlined with his constant chewing on gum.

“‘sup cousins, you alright?” they were asked and both of them could only nod a bit perplex by the employee’s sudden appearance. Even after Adam had talked to the bloke a few times before, he still wasn’t quite used to his way of speaking. At first he’d assumed that the ‘cousin’, a term he called everyone, was due to linguistic difficulties. But as it turned out, Josh had been born and raised in England and after he’d overhead a conversation of another costumer complimenting the Indian man that his ‘English is very good’, to which he’d responded ‘Yours, too.’, the pianist was quite content on the theory that it was merely a way to fuck with people.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, electricity went out.” Josh explained then and he finally found his voice to respond after he’d cleared his throat.

“It’s fine.” he said rather shortly but thankfully, the other didn’t really seem to be interested in lengthy answers anyway. Instead, they were both looked up and down shortly and he tensed slightly, hoping they didn’t look suspicious.

“You two should get dry clothes.” was pointed out instead and he relaxed immediately.

“Yeah, we were on our way to get some but the electricity had been against us.” Theo jumped in jokingly, getting a lopsided half-grin from the employee.

“Hah, yeah, better get home then, huh? Have a good trip.” Josh bid them good bye with that and a quick raise of his hand before trudging down the hall, leaving the two men to sigh and look at each other.

“Home and dry clothes?” Theo asked and he nodded; there was really no reason to provoke getting sick again.

---

“Ahhh”, he sighed contently, enjoying to be in dry, comfy clothes again, letting himself fall onto the couch, “this is much better.”

“Agreed.” Theo flopped down on top of him, stretching like a lazy cat. He didn’t even protest, just happy to have his lover close, putting his arms around the other’s frame. The singer hummed approvingly, pillowing his head on Adam’s shoulder and he took that opportunity to plant a kiss on his friend’s hair.

“We were so productive today, we definitely deserve cuddling on the couch.” he joked sarcastically, feeling his bandmate laugh on top of him.

“Totally! After such an exhausting day at work, I think we should actually watch a movie, too.” Theo suggested, still chuckling while getting up slightly and reaching for the remote, switching on the TV.

“And not pay attention to it?” he asked hopefully, giving the deliciously presented cheek and neck right in front of him some pecks. His lover immediately squirmed in his hold with another laugh, turning his head to meet the pianist’s lips and just leaving the channel at some animal documentary.“Okay, and not pay attention to it.” his friend agreed with a grin and he returned the expression, going right back in for another affectionate kiss. Their fingers settled onto each other soon after, Theo’s cupping his face and stroking over his cheekbones lovingly while his own caressed up and down the singer’s spine, sneaking under the other’s loose white t-shirt for that. He could feel the goosebumps forming at his fingertip’s touch, enjoying the small shudders he caused. Eventually, they parted again and he wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist, nuzzling his nose into the crook of his bandmate’s neck. He felt those slender fingers go through his hair at that and he hummed in approval, leaving little pecks again before leaning back to look at Theo’s face.

“I love you.” he said with unwavering affection, wanting to get used to it, wanting to not have second thoughts anymore about saying those words and most importantly, wanting the other to know. And it had a breathtaking impact as he watched a gorgeous smile light up his lover’s face, one that put even the sun itself to shame.

When Theo woke up, the first thing he noticed was, that Adam was still lying in his arms. It was followed by an inevitable smile and without really thinking about it, he just started running his fingertips down his lover’s back, sneaking them under the other’s shirt and going back up on bare skin. The action was answered with a kiss to his forehead and he finally opened his eyes at that. Two indigo blue ones looked back at him with unmistakable fondness, making his heart pound harder at the glance and he couldn’t help but tilt his head slightly, connecting their lips in a sweet touch. It lasted only for a few seconds but even when they parted again, he could still feel a light tingling sensation. “Good morning. What time is it?” he asked with a hum, closing his eyes again and nuzzling his nose into the crook of his friend’s neck. “Around 10ish, I think.” “And how long are you awake?” there was a short silence after his question. “A couple of hours?” a sigh immediately left his lips when he heard that. Of course. “Since when exactly?” again, silence, this time prolonged one. “Adam.” he insisted after a while, feeling his friend shuffle uncomfortably. “About half past five.” came the eventual confession. He opened his eyes again at that, leaning back slightly to look at the pianist’s face. But said one avoided his glance altogether. Only now did he notice the tired lines on his bandmate’s face. “You know you could have-” he started but was interrupted not by words but by his own realisation that of course, even if Adam could he never would actually wake him up. That stubborn idiot. “Never mind. I know.” he sighed again, pulling slightly at his friend to indicate that he wanted the other to come closer. The guitarist obliged, decreasing the distance between them until there was barely any space left. He wrapped his arms around his partner's frame as best as he could, wanting his pianist to feel safe. "Would you try to sleep for a bit longer if I stay awake here with you?" he asked then, running his fingertips along the short hair of his bandmate's neck. "Theo, you know you don't need to-" "I Know I don't need to. But I want to. So, would you?" he interrupted, getting a defeated sigh in return, followed by a simple answer. "Okay." Adam agreed, getting a bit closer still and curling into Theo's embrace. He continued with his earlier action, fingers running up and down his friend's back tenderly, feeling the other relax. The quickness with which his pianist then fell asleep spoke volumes about his night's sleep, not to mention the almost non-existent refusal to take the singer's offer in the first place. A cautious look at his lover's face confirmed it easily, dark circles prominent on pale skin, almost mocking the singer's desire to help against them. Almost turned into definitely when maybe half an hour later, small whimpers could be heard. First, he wasn't sure whether he imagined them or not, however, a simple glance at his bandmate's uneasy expression gave enough indication. This time, though, he wouldn't wake Adam up. Not until it was absolutely necessary. For now, he started caressing his lover's cheek carefully with his thumb, watching every minuscule change on the other's face. "Shhhh, it's ok, don't worry.” he began whispering softly, soothingly. "Don't be afraid, it's all fine. I'm here with you. I protect you." he continued to murmur quietly, leaning his forehead against the one of his friend, looking right at him even though he could barely focus onto anything. His partner’s expression was still one of torment, if slightly lessened, still, the whimpering hadn't stopped. He hesitated only for the fraction of a moment, biting his lip before closing his eyes, inhaling, exhaling. “I love you.” he breathed delicately, words light on his tongue and heavy on his lips and suddenly, the whimpering stopped. He opened his eyes in complete surprise at that and leaned back to see his bandmate's face, not expecting the immediate and quite noticeable impact. The pianist's expression was still one of uneasiness but no sound came from him, so in lack of a better idea, Theo repeated what he'd done earlier. "I love you, Adam. I love you more than you could imagine." he whispered gently, starting to caress over the guitarist's face once more and it felt like he was gradually smoothing out every negativity indicating line on the other's face, leaving his lover's features almost calm and peaceful now. He couldn't help the goofy smile when he saw this, joy over the fact that he could finally help Adam at least somehow cursing through his body like electricity would. So he repeated it again and again, starting to name what he loved about his guitarist whenever the uneasiness seemed to come back. How Theo loved his eyes and humour, his hands and intelligence, his lips and laugh and jawline and sarcasm and everything else he could think of until he ran out of ideas, just repeating those three words again. "I really love you." he sighed with a content, easy smile. "Good morning to you, too." the deep, sleepy voice startled him more than it should have, followed by his cheeks colouring in a deep reddish shade. "Since when are you awake?" he asked half embarrassed, half concerned that he'd accidentally woken the pianist. "Just woke up. Why, did I miss something?" came back his friend's amused question, along with a little chuckle as his sky blinked itself open again. "Not much." he quickly replied, giving the other a little smile as distraction. "How did you sleep anyway?" he asked then to change the topic, watching a slow smile spread over those beautiful features. "Thanks to you I slept refreshingly good." the guitarist answered, giving him a small peck on the lips as a sign of gratitude. However, Theo decided he wouldn't leave it at that, following his bandmate and catching his lips halfway again in a loving kiss. He felt a hand sneaking around his middle, pulling him closer to Adam to which he responded eagerly, grabbing a fist full of his friend's half open shirt. The formerly tender touch had turned into something far more passionate than soft, the gentle brush of lips involving tongue and teeth now, too. He let out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a moan when his lover nibbled on his bottom lip. In return, he pushed the guitarist onto his back, straddling him without breaking their contact. Two hands were immediately on his thighs, thumbs drawing senseless patterns onto them while he took a shine to messing up his pianist's hair as much as possible. When he finally leaned back a bit breathlessly, he couldn't help but grin at the thoroughly chaotic appearance of the other, looking as if he'd just had fantastic sex. "You're quite good at kissing me senseless, I give you that, Anders." he joked, winking at Adam who chuckled at that. "Well, you're not too bad either, Hutchie." came back from his friend before said one sat up and gave him another quick kiss. "What time is it anyway?" the other asked then, leaned back on his hands to keep upright while the singer leaned slightly to the side to check the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Half past twelve." he answered thoughtlessly before a sudden frown knitted his brows together. "Wait. I did that for two hours?" he mumbled rather to himself but his guitarist had apparently heard him anyway. "You did what for two hours? Please don't tell me you drew on my face or something equal to that." the pianist half-asked with a mixture of suspicion, irritation and exasperation over Theo's usually 'brilliant' ideas at times. "What? No, of course not", he gave back quickly, smoothing out his earlier expression with a small smile, "Nothing like that, in fact." he reassured then, giving his lover a little wink before standing up from the bed. "Anyway, I'm pretty hungry, let's get breakfast." he changed the topic swiftly, stretching slightly. "You still didn't tell me what you meant." his bandmate noted and he grinned. "I'm aware of that. So, how about some fried eggs?" he suggested, getting a sigh back. "And I see you won't tell me either." he hummed at that, his grin getting bigger. "At least not now. And fried eggs it is, then." he replied, turning on his heels to make his way to the kitchen to check if they even had enough eggs in the first place. "Don't hurry, I'll take a quick shower first." he heard from behind him and gave a thumbs up to indicate he'd take that into account before vanishing out of the room and into the kitchen's direction. There, he checked the fridge and thankfully, they had enough of his preferred breakfast ingredient indeed. So he turned the radio on and sang along a bit first before starting to set the table, a persistent little smile refusing to leave his features. After that was done, he cracked a few eggs into a pan and started frying them, not noticing a particular someone sneaking up behind him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when an unexpected pair of arms encircled his waist, pulling him back against a naked chest. "Boo." "Haha, very funny, jerk." he gave back sarcastically, hearing Adam's chuckle right next to his ear, causing him to shiver slightly. "Weren't you supposed to shower?" he asked then, feeling how his friend's hand got under his shirt to draw some invisible lines on his skin. "I did. Very quickly." came back the nonchalant answer before a kiss was placed on his neck, getting him to shudder involuntarily. "That quickly? Do you even wear anything?" he asked jokingly, trying to repress the goosebumps that were very determined to show on his skin. All he got back was a hum and more kisses, causing him to close his eyes, an eventual "Boxershorts." added after the singer was already halfway lost in the pleasurable pecks to his neck. When the other kissed a particular sensitive spot right behind his left ear, he couldn't help the small moan sneaking from his lips. "Mind the food." the pianist suddenly reminded him and he opened his eyes in a flash, realising that he was already burning the eggs. "Oh fuck." he cursed, taking the pan from the stove, trying to still save their breakfast somehow but it turned out to be futile. With a sigh, he threw the now inedible food away before swatting the guitarist's bare arm. "Ouch", his bandmate protested, rubbing the sore spot, "what was that for?" "For distracting me", he gave back with a little huff, "and because we don't have any eggs left now to fry some more." "We can always just get breakfast somewhere?" Adam suggested and at that idea, his slightly sour mood lifted again almost immediately. "Alright, you pay. That's the least you can do." he replied, quickly putting the things from the table back to their designed places. His friend just laughed. "I guess I can do that." was the only thing he got as an answer before the other helped him. They got dressed properly afterwards and Theo was already about to go out of the door when his partner stopped him. "Shouldn't we take an umbrella? It looks like it'll rain." "It almost always looks like it'll rain. We're in England, remember?" he countered nonchalantly. "But I'm pretty sure-" the guitarist began anew but he interrupted. "It'll be fine Adam, now c'mon, I'm starving." he gave back with a playfully whiny tone, grabbing a part of his lover's jacket to drag him out of the door. A defeated sigh was everything he got before they walked down the street towards the next best place to get some breakfast. "Are you telling me now what you did for two hours?" his pianist asker after a short while but he only grinned back sweetly. "Not yet, no." "Are you hoping I will forget it if you just wait long enough?" came right after that to which he shook his head, grin turning into a smile. "Don't worry, I'll tell you soon enough." he reassured his bandmate then, refraining from any physical comfort like a peck to the cheek, though, since they were in public. Adam didn't inquire any further after that and so instead, they talked about music and that they should head to the studio once they were finished with breakfast. They eventually found a nice place to eat at where he finally got his fried eggs and happily munched them down, making small, content noises every now and then. At one point, his friend asked if he needed to be jealous of the singer's breakfast to which he'd just replied with a broad grin and a wink, taking his next bite in a decidedly more erotic manner then, giving the other his best bedroom eyes. His partner's response was an unmoving expression, however, the way those two indigo blue eyes first lingered on his lips and then looked back with obviously dilated pupils gave the guitarist away. It also caused a little victorious grin on his face. When they were finally done and gone, he'd suggested to take the longer rout through a nearby park since they could walk there in a more private manner, not needing to worry that much about unwanted eyes since at this time of the week, there were hardly a lot of people at all. The pianist agreed to the idea and so they were walking through the greens of nature now, talking about this and that. Suddenly, he felt something wet on his cheek. Irritated, he stopped mid-sentence to look upwards at the heavy cloud cover above them, only to get a second drop onto his nose. And one on his forehead. And on his chin. Oh no. "Oh nooo", his bandmate started in a mockingly dragged tone, "looks like I was right and it actually will rain just like I said it would." "Oh shut it, it's just a few droplets." he huffed back and as if Mother Nature had just waited for him to say that, it started to pour. The amount of water coming from the sky was almost comical in its sudden appearance if it wasn't for the fact that they were wet to the bone within seconds. "Droplets." Adam repeated in a deadpan voice, looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes. "Fine, you were right, we should have brought an umbrella. Happy now?" he mumbled, looking away, not noticing the look of two indigo blue eyes. "Almost." came back and he already wanted to ask what else his friend wanted to hear when instead, a pair of hands just cupped his face, his mouth sealed shut with a pair of lips. His words were immediately forgotten, instead he shut his eyes, pulling the other closer by his jacket to minimise the space between them. His lover got the hint and slid his arms around Theo, pulling him so close no room was left between them while he himself put his arms around the pianist's neck. The soft, loving kisses made his heart beat faster and his stomach flip, the tight, secure way his guitarist was holding him sending an undeniable warmth through him despite the cold rain. And at that moment, he wasn't quite sure if he only started to tremble because of the temperatures. "Now I'm happy." his bandmate mumbled in the small space between them after they had stopped kissing, now only leaning their foreheads together, eyes still closed, breathing elaborated. He couldn't help the smile gracing his lips, feeling so full of everything his heart seemed to burst from his chest any given moment. "I love you." he breathed out on a shuddering puff of air and at this close proximity, he saw how Adam opened his mouth confidently, only for nothing to come out for a long while. "I...I think we should get somewhere dry, you're shaking." came back the unexpected and the kind of, well, disappointing answer eventually. But he didn't say that. "Yeah, you're right. Let's head to the studio." And they did in silence, all the way to their workplace not a single sound was made. He didn't even know why he couldn't bring himself to say anything. It wasn't the first time his friend hadn't replied but changed the subject, after all. He'd assumed that the other was still a bit shy about it. But the fact that he got those words back after a drunken night but not when his lover was sober kind of hurt. Was it really that hard for the pianist to say it back? Or say it to him first for once? He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to those questions. They eventually arrived at their studio dripping wet and shivering, receiving a sympathetic comment from Helena. He got the key then and together, they went up to their workplace. As soon as they were inside, the guitarist suddenly took the key away and instead unzipped Theo's jacket gently without a word. "What are you doing?" he asked in confusion, getting stripped from his jacket and then his suit jacket right after. "Making sure you don't get sick, of course." came back with an easy, almost self-explanatory tone while his partner seemed to muse whether or not the singer's shirt had to go, too. "Take that off, too, as well as your shoes." apparently was the decision and he did as he was told with a little sigh. His bandmate was sometimes really a bit overprotective. "Don't forget your own clothes." he reminded Adam causally, knowing that his friend was very good at overlooking himself when it was about Theo. "Hm? Oh yeah, sure." the other gave back absent-minded, starting to strip from his jacket, then waistcoat and shirt as well. The singer actually stopped his own unbuttoning at the progressively more interesting view. His lover didn't notice, back turned towards Theo who appreciated the muscles working under pale skin, little droplets from the guitarist's hair running down his neck, over his shoulders and back before vanishing in the hem of his trousers. As if that wasn't already enough to make him swallow hard, the wetness of the pianist's pants made the fabric cling to his arse, basically begging him to look at it. His partner's hips and stomach weren't too bad either to look at until he realised with a sudden rise in his face's temperature, that this meant his bandmate had turned around. His redness increased with his eyes going upwards along Adam's waist and chest, passing collarbones, lips and eventually arriving at two indigo blue eyes looking at him with a risen eyebrow. The sudden smirk appearing on his friend's face then was so unexpected, he was still blinking in confusion when the other had already taken a step towards him, now only a few meagre inches between them. "Liking what you see?" his lover asked almost causally, hooking a finger behind the singer's waistband and pulling him close before he could even think about what to say. It was needless in the following moment anyway, as a pair of lips took away any chance of coherent sentences coming out of him. His brain decided that this was the moment to hand over the control of his body to his impulses, which promptly decided to kiss back passionately, nibbling on the guitarist's delicious bottom lip while roaming that sinful body with his hands. His partner wasn't giving him long to act on his own, though, guiding him backwards until he felt the wooden door behind him, trapped between it and the pianist's still partly wet body. Well, there could be worse. Or as he preferred it, there could be much better, namely a hot mouth going from his own down his neck, grazing teeth and sucking skin just in all the right places. A particular sensitive one made him buckle his hips in surprise, which caused unexpectedly delicious friction between them, making the moan that had already hung on both their lips like a water drop fall and burn away on hot skin. Suddenly, Adam's phone started to buzz disturbingly loud. His friend groaned at that in annoyance, taking a step back, not without a peck to his cheek first, though. "Sorry." the other mumbled apologetically before quickly answering his phone. "Hello?" it was almost funny how composed the pianist could speak despite what they were doing just now and it amused him greatly for a second before, with a crushing realisation, his brain took over again, informing him of what exactly he'd been heading towards with his very behaviour. In their studio. Where anyone could come into, on accident or otherwise, catching them making out and- A quick glance downwards confirmed his thought. Well, it sure has been some time since he'd been this aroused from a simple make-out session. But then again, this wasn't just with any girl. His eyes travelled along the sharp, defined lines of the guitarist's body, confirming that, yes, indeed, not just any girl but the man of his very dreams and desires. And as much as he wanted to continue where they've stopped after his bandmate would be done with the call, he remembered the uneasy feeling of yesterday, the horror of people maybe finding out and turning everything against them. "Okay, bye Paul." he suddenly heard Adam hanging up, his attention back at his friend who just put his phone back into his pocket before coming closer again, hands back on Theo's skin. "Sorry 'bout that." his lover murmured while starting to kiss his neck slightly again but this time, he didn't give in to the easy temptation. Instead, he put his hands on the other's shoulders, pushing him away slightly, causing an immediate confused look. "What's wrong?" "We, uh", he swallowed, "I think we shouldn't continue. We have, err, work to do." he tried to sound confident but the trouble getting his words out convincingly sure didn't help with that. The guitarist's confused expression confirmed that he'd been anything but convincing. "And what's really bothering you? Because I can feel pretty well that your body isn't quite agreeing with you on that." the pianist pointed out, coming closer to him once more before he could do anything, a leg between his own, thigh pressing against him. It took a great deal of willpower and a hard bite down onto his bottom lip not to moan shamelessly. "I just t-think we sh-shouldn't...shouldn't do th-, god Adam, stop." he forced out the last bit against the kisses on his jaw that had distracted him as well as his partner's shameless leg pushing up slightly against him. At his words, his bandmate immediately stopped, though, taking back a step to give him space. "Then give me your actual reason and not this pretentious work-ethics bullshit or whatever you were trying to use as an excuse." Adam sighed, looking at him expectantly. "What if someone sees us?" he asked a tad meeker than intended, feeling ridiculous under his friend's intense glance. "That didn't seem to bother you in the studio yesterday, either." his lover pointed out rightfully because well, yesterday it hadn't bothered him indeed but then he hadn't worried about what it would mean to get caught, either. "Yesterday was different." he countered rather weakly, looking away. "How so?" "We were just fooling around a bit, not wet and almost undressed." he pointed out but the other still wasn't very convinced. "Why is that bothering you? It's not like you haven't done much riskier things with some girls. And you boast about that with others around." came back immediately. He bit his lip at that, still not able to look at his lover. "That...you can't compare that." "Oh, sorry, I forgot that being caught with a one night stand is perfectly acceptable but making out with your actual boyfriend is obviously so incredible awful." the guitarist spat back with quite the sour mood, getting Theo to lose some of his cool now, too. "No you moron. Getting caught with a girl will cause some rumours, getting caught with you, my bandmate who is a fucking guy will get the media to eat us alive, don't you get it? We've been already almost caught just getting 'friendly' in that bar, I'm not in the bloody mood for something like that again." "Oh come on, nobody saw us at that bar, I just said that." and at those words, he went silent. "You did what." it wasn't even a question but the pianist seemed to immediately understand that this had been an awfully stupid thing to say. "I...you...I was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say-" his partner started, trying to explain but it only got him more furious and he interrupted. "You thought it's okay to make me worry about our musical future instead of, I don't know, fucking telling me you wanted to go or whatever?" he hurled back with a good portion of sarcasm and venom in his voice, pushing past his bandmate and towards his wet clothes he started to pick up and put on again. "I'm sorry Theo, please. I was just...I didn't know what to do to make you stop, really, I didn't mean to-" Adam started anew, helplessly trying to defend his behaviour but once again, he cut his friend off. "To what? Hurt me? Well, sorry but you managed that anyway. Because instead of actually talking to me like any normal person would, asking me to stop with whatever the hell I did, you lie to me. Again." he grit back, stepping right in front of the other again now fully dressed if still wet. "Really Adam, do you think I wouldn't have stopped if you'd just asked me? I may have been drunk but I would never do something you're not okay with. Never." he said right to his lover's face, voice quivering slightly while he looked straight at the guitarist before getting past him and out of the door. Behind him he heard frantic rustling of clothes, followed soon by a hasty pair of feet. He was already about to get into the elevator when he heard his partner shout behind him. "Theo, wait, please!" was audible along the hallway but he stepped into the elevator anyway. Just when the doors were about to close did the pianist catch up, slipping through. "God Theo, please listen, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday, okay? I was drunk, I didn't know what to do and got caught up-" “What, so you only love me when you’re drunk?” he suddenly snapped at his bandmate before he could stop himself because that was what had been in the back of his mind the entire time, his tone wavering dangerously. “Because you’re not ‘caught up’ enough otherwise, too?” he asked, realising too late that despite however much he was in the right to be angry and hurt, he’d gone too far. At first, the only indication of it was the narrowing of Adam’s eyes, before the other suddenly took a step, standing right in his personal space, making him feel smaller than he’d ever had in the other’s presence. And then, with an abrupt, almost violent motion, the elevator came to an unexpected halt, all lights going out.