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@cravetoescape

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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12:42 pm
Everywhere I go, Lights Down Low comes on like life is tryna play games with me.
12:28 am
I talked to Bella for the first time today, and I asked her if she misses daddy. She looked at me, then she tucked her face between my arm and chest, so I said to her I miss him a lot too. I cried a little. Every time I hold her, I think back to the day I surprised you with her. I wonder if you have any idea how much I still hurt. But then again, you wouldnât be messaging me with troubles if you did, knowing thereâs nothing youâll allow me to do. Â
1:19 pm
If there's one thing left to say to you is this: don't keep turning your back on the people who genuinely care about and love you. We're not always gonna be here when you're knocked so low, so deep into the ground where your thoughts of suicide start to creep up on you again. Just really think about it..
5:57 pm
It was pure bliss in the beginning. All our texts were so innocent and childish. Now theyâre just bittersweet and cold. Your last words to me were good friends. That was really your answer when I asked you what we were. Whether you felt obligated to say that because youâre back with her, or because you really donât love me anymore, I meant it when I said just kill me. You let her psycho ass manipulate the shit out of you, not to mention affect what we have, and you tell me you want to be good friends? As hard as I try to be your friend and still be here for you, I canât wrap my head around the thought of being just your friend. It makes no fucking sense to me. We are what keeps each grounded and at peace, but youâd rather let the poison corrupt you and drain the life out of you. Iâm not trying to be your good friend. I deserve more than just a good friend title. You give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again, and all I get is a good friend title. You tell me how youâre tired of always being sold short all the time, yet I was always here making sure you felt and understood your worth. Fuck you for trying to have me be your good friend. Iâd rather be dead.
Ps. Enjoy what youâve read thus far? I know your ass been lurking. You know exactly who the fuck you are.Â

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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2:49 am
No matter who Iâm with or where Iâm at, itâs you thatâs on my mind and in my heart. I canât fight it, nor can I win. When will I start to hurt less, think less, cry less..? When will it get easier..? I do believe that time heals all, but do I even want to be healed? Iâve been avoiding many places and things so Iâm not reminded of the happiness it once brought us, but when Iâm caught off guard, Iâm instantly drowned with sorrow, loneliness, and nostalgia. The endless laughter we shared, the songs we sang, the time we spent forging this special bond - itâs all gone..Â
You ever wonder what we couldâve been?
đ©đ»đ¶đMy little baby: You've always been the innocent one, and Mommy's so sorry. | #corgisofinstagram #iloveyou #loafofbread #stayapuppy4ever #plsstopeatingallmysandalsđŸ
Good bye.
Today I completely broke down at work. It wasnât just one tear, but rather I was crying my eyes out and I couldnât stop. Happiness was all I ever wanted for you, and I see that youâre happy now. In all honesty, nothing I ever did for you was enough because I was not the person you were hoping to receive love from. I have no choice but to understand that and push myself forward. I also understand your need to erase everything that tied us together because it poses a threat and will establish the breaking point to your relationship, a relationship you value more than anything, so do as you must. I recently unblocked you from everything and reactivated my instagram only to face the comfort I sought in denial and running away. Iâve also decided that because I know youâre trying your hardest not to have any sort of relations with me because itâll be a means of walking on eggshells in your relationship, I wonât be writing on Tumblr anymore. Thereâs no need for you to be checking up on me because youâve made your decisions. It doesnât matter if Iâm doing well or not anymore. I had a quick flash into the future today and saw the two of us rekindling even our fragile friendship, but I stopped myself from thinking further. I wouldâve created this sort of hope for us again, and eventually wouldâve brought me down. I canât keep this sadness up forever, nor will I ever stop thinking about everything, but I have to start with acceptance somewhere. I would never be able to bring you greater happiness when you cling on so tight to what you hope to nurture with her, so good luck to the both of you.Â
12:57 am
You were the one voice I kept hearing in my head when I was rolling tonight. All I could hear you say was âdonât grind, just kiss me. Just kiss me babe.â This was my first time at an event, but my first time feeling this carefree will always be with you. And every time after that will somehow link me back to this great nostalgic feeling created with you. I envisioned all these things we can do together, but after feeling so high tonight and not having the person I love most with me in any way, all the memories of us just came together and all that we pictured the future to be just started to slowly flutter away.. I never knew of a love so great, and I thought I was paving my way there, but Iâve lost my tracks. How do I make someone see how much they mean to me even after everything? How will I ever make you see..

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3:31 am
Sitting in that bar with a ton of people surrounded me tonight, I still felt like the loneliest one there. There were good looking people left and right, but my heart was clinging on to you and I couldnât look at no one else. All I kept doing was re-reading the few texts sent between W and I-the ones where I asked her how did you react to my final gift. I crumbled a little more each time I read the texts. She told me you still wanted to make things work with J. Even though I wished you luck, deep down I was still asking myself how could you throw away everything we built for happiness thatâs not guaranteed. Why was our love not deserving of a chance. How genuine is she this time around after realizing she nearly lost you because I showed you I could love you better. How long can she keep it up.. I cried and cried and cried today wishing I could just pass away with two thousand sixteen. Not a thing in this world could lift me out of this pain Iâm feeling. It doesnât feel like a new year at all.Â
Iâve wanted so bad to go to countdown tonight to roll my brains out and just lose myself to the music, but thatâs not going to happen. I was prepared to feel the high, and anticipated the low especially because I havenât felt much happiness lately. I was ready to let it hit me hard, and let it drag me down even harder. I have nothing else to lose, so just let me lose myself..
Iâve lost my other half.
7:31 pm
Iâm constantly reminded of you whether itâs at the cafe we ate at, or the song that comes on when Iâm driving, or with the change of the weather, itâs you thatâs on my mind. I've been apartment hunting lately and even that saddens me because it was just the other day you were telling me lies about how much you want to live with me and have a life with me. Why are you always on my mind.. And then the betrayal just creeps into each memory I have of us, and itâs like I have this conscience over my shoulder reminding me of the pain I felt that very morning, this conscience thatâs actively encouraging me to give up. But what more is there to give up. I have nothing left..

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2:16 am
Shot after shot, I still canât seem to drown out the pain.. Goodbye.
9:42 pm
You have absolutely shattered my heart.