fuel my desires

my friend just called me because she got arrested for arguing too loudly with her husband so I fear I won’t be sleeping much tonight 🥲 I’m so anxious and worried, I know she has a place to stay tonight until the court case tomorrow, and that it prob won’t go very far because he isn’t pressing charges and there was nothing physical going on, but she’s an citizen through marriage so sitting in jail for four hours is extra terrifying. god forbid a woman yell louder than a man for once, now she’s disturbing the peace and he gets to stay home and sleep in his own bed

I think I’ve given up. Who even cares. These people are all the same. I’m always the wrong one and any time I say anything I’m not okay with I’m treated sexist and even my husband doesn’t see it. I’m made to feel like I’m crazy. I’m always the wife who’s causing the problems, when I’m literally just pointing something out. I can’t believe I fought for years to stay clean when it doesn’t make a difference either way. My body’s already ruined, I’m not making it worse when it’s already this shitty. I’m tired of struggling alone just to get pushed back down again.

gave myself 70s style bangs and I’m not sure if I like them yet or not 😭

some times I feel like this blog is my only form of true escapism and utter freedom. no one knows me irl, the website doesn’t get much traction anymore, and I can say and express myself without caring how I come off. although nothing can really replace a good journal, this comes close.