the tumultuous tumbler

excuse me officer, but i believe i have the constitutional right

On the day of my second overdose, my Mum did not take me to the hospital. She told me I was being selfish. She told me I thought of no one else. She told me that she didn’t understand why, I had nothing to be sad about. When the ambulance came, she would not come to it. I weeped to the man in the ambulance about how she didn’t care, and he said “I’m not surprised with what you put her through”. The man told me I shouldn’t be doing this to my family. He asked me about my siblings, I told him, “I have two sisters”. And he replied “What would they think of you?” He made me feel ashamed. I’d just tried to take my life, yet I felt like the world hated me more, and all I wanted was to disappear. The man told me that no one liked to see horrible scars, when he saw them. He told me that the first thing I do when I see my Dad is apologise for what I’m putting him through. Nothing else. No word of why it was okay for me to stay on this Earth. When I arrived at the hospital, I saw my Dad and cried, the first thing I said was “I’m sorry”. The ambulance man smiled at my Dad and said, “Don’t worry, I’ve given her a good telling off”. I was being told off for being ill, by a man who was meant to look after me. I was told I only thought of myself, by a woman who should have always been there for when I was sick. The lack of understanding surrounding mental illnesses is becoming increasingly worrying, and I will not have one more mentally ill person made to feel like they had a choice over their illness. It’s time to change the stigma, and remind people that it is an illness that cannot be helped.

Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to.