smdsmmfd

whats my secret to maintain sanity? 10 minutes sun salutations every morning. meditation. 45 minute jog with the puppy, then right into work. work until i get bored, go out onto the balcony of my top floor penthouse and look at the glistening tops of the city skyline as the sun begins to rise over them. i feel good. i feel calm. i feel energized. but i do not feel whole. i ponder my life choices, why i moved to this city that stunk in the early morning breeze, why i left debra right after i finally started to make it on wall street. i gave her the house and kids she wanted. i even let her keep them. but i couldn't give her the only things i had left: myself, and my money. jennifer wakes up, makeup still smeared from the office party last night, and i can't even look at her. she's beautiful, so that isn't the issue. my floor to ceiling bay windows don't hide the world from me, and in turn i can't shake the feeling that i can't hide from it, either. jennifer's soft hand rests on my shoulder, but it's not enough. she could give me every shattered piece of herself and every penny in her wallet and it would never be enough. part of me feels nothing. part of me feels for her, a hot young vixen just trying to make her own wad of cash and buy armani suits off the company dime. she's young and hungry. i remember being young and hungry. she says something about coffee and i pretend to listen. i work from home.