CourtingInsanity

Let me preface this by saying thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to drop me a comment. We live in a fast-paced world so I do appreciate you choosing to reach out to me when you could be doing something far more worthwhile, like cutting your toenails.

We teach our kids not to give out personal information on the internet to keep them safe, and we teach them about the importance of the block button in a bid to prevent them from becoming another statistic of cyberbullying. When do we teach them not to be the asshole? And for that matter, why is it that I feel like I need to write this open letter to grown women who should know better than to choose nastiness over kindness? Why do we need reminding that if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, you shouldn’t be typing it online?

As a fanfiction writer, I’m no stranger to critical reviews and downright horrible comments. The culture we’ve cultivated teaches us that we should embrace this meanness, that if we receive a ‘flame’, that’s how we know we’ve ‘made it’. While this is well and good in private groups and chats between writer friends, how do we really feel when we lay in bed at night wondering if we should even bother posting the next chapter of the multi-chapter we’ve spent months, perhaps even years, planning and writing and editing? At what point did we give our power over to the reader, and should we be demanding it back?

Now let me say that you, dear reader, are absolutely entitled to your opinion. Absolutely. I’ve read fanfiction I don’t like—hell, I’ve read actual published books I don’t care for. Do I feel the need to tell the author I didn’t like their story? No. Why? Because honestly, I have better things to do with my time. Also, I’m a proud feminist and I believe that as women we should be focused on supporting each other rather than finding reasons to tear each other down. Call me crazy!

Dramione is my home. I feel a little bit like Sybill Trelawney here, standing in the Hogwarts courtyard all teary, begging not to be kicked out of the one place she truly felt like she belonged. Think about that for a second. Think about the analogy and what it represents—the reality that some of our writers face; this is their home. This is their safe space. You have no right to enter it and attempt to tear it down. Sure, come in and enjoy the warmth and sense of family by all means, but don’t go putting on your fluffy pink cardigan and strutting about like Dolores Umbridge; the world is definitely too small for more than one of her.

“But it’s the internet—writer’s know what they’re getting into when they post online.”

We do. And maybe the reason the fandom isn’t even bigger is because potential writers see the shit we deal with on a daily basis and (perhaps wisely) make the decision not to post their work. Reflect for a moment. You may actually be responsible for someone feeling like they can’t share their craft because of the comments you make online. And you know who that affects? YOU. You, as the reader, are missing out on what could be some of the most amazing Dramione fics, because you are actively discouraging people from either joining the ranks of Dramione writers, or continuing to produce Dramione stories that you claim to love so much.

Reviews are not there for you to dump unsolicited opinions and advice. If you really want to help a writer improve, PM them and start a conversation. Don’t open with ‘hey, I think you need to work on these areas of your writing…’ Actually get to know them! Tell them what you enjoyed about their story, and then ask if they’d be open to hearing some constructive critique. If you want to offer some solutions, be prepared to offer your services. Don’t dump your opinions on the writer and then walk away; you clearly have knowledge and skills that could be valuable, so offer to beta or alpha.

The Specify and Respect Movement

I’m making it my mission to promote this at every opportunity. This was actually started by a friend of mine and it is so powerful. As writers and readers, we should all adopt it. The S&R movement lets writers signpost whether they are open to constructive criticism or not. It is your responsibility, as readers, to respect the wishes of the writer. So writers, let your readers know if you’re open to concrit or not, that way if you do receive a not-so-nice review, you can refer them back to your request that they don’t offer unkind opinions.

There is no excuse for being nasty. You get to choose your actions and behaviour in life, and no one is forcing you to leave a review at all. There is another human being on the other side of the screen and it is not okay to use your opinion to hurt their feelings. I’ll reiterate—there is no excuse for being an asshole. Your opinion is not necessary and not helpful, no matter how much you may think otherwise. If you have the knowledge and skills, then use that to make a better decision about how you interact with people you may be able to help. Yes, they made a choice to post their story online, and YOU are making a choice whether or not to be a decent person.

Choose wisely.  

My writer sisters

I see you. I see you slaving over that multi-chapter fic that just won’t come together the way you thought it would, the multi-chapter fic that feels like it will never be done. I see you comparing yourselves to other writers; I see you obsessively checking your emails for reviews. I feel your elation when someone fangirls in your inbox, and my heart breaks along with yours when someone has chosen not to be kind to you and your awesome talent.

I’m here to tell you that you are my sister and I love you and appreciate what you do for this fandom. Without you, there wouldn’t be a fandom, simple as that. You are incredible and amazing, and you deserve to have people read and praise your work.

Let’s start a kindness movement. Use S&R, and tell your friends about it. Link it in your response to nasty reviews, and call people out on their bullshit. Don’t answer with emotion, but rather the womanly intelligence that can only come from being a powerful freaking goddess. Find your friends and support them with a fierce fire; lean on them for support when you need it.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by a negative review, please reach out to me. I’m happy to chat, to help you cultivate a response, to talk to you until 3am when the tears have finally stopped. We are a family and I will support you with everything I am.

If I can leave you with one final, parting thought, I want you to remember something: Hermione wouldn’t take this crap, and neither should you.

Love always,

CourtingInsanity xx