countywasted

i just found a 9,000,000 leaf clover

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

ancient roman women whose husband keeps looking at the neighbour's boy quintus and he never looks at her that way and she can't even chainsmoke in the kitchen because they don't have marlboro blues in ancient times. and she can't even go to the club because they haven't discovered drum and bass music yet. her friend clodia's having visions of a woman named doechii but neither of them knows what that means

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

[very clearly indulging the urge] im fighting the urge

[deeply concerned] whose pussy is this?

Liquor? Um yeah bud if she’ll let me

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

i could smell your boytoy coming from down the road. Wretched little rotted morsel of a thing, may he fall to time and become carrion

one must imagine sisyphus oiled up and twerking

they call it amtrak because the trains am on the trak

hm. no. go eat an ethicsberry and try again.

i've been known to have a thought