chay

I have found both freedom and safety in my madness;

the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.

*

I'll have to think about that.

Okay.

Are you okay?

I don't know, I guess it makes me a bit sad.

Why? Ultimately, my perception of you shouldn't matter. As long as you're okay with your perception of you.

And that hit me like a knife. Why? Because I know you are right. But I wanted your words to soothe me; I wanted to be accepted by you even if not by me.

But you aren't someone who will say words mindlessly, are you? You aren't someone who will answer lightly when you know I've asked something sincerely.

That's why I like you. Yes, I do. I like you.

And I love the sound of your laughter. I love the way you blush when I say something sexual. I love how you're my green sapling.

I do not know if you're a green forest. I do not know if you're my future. But I know this — you're someone I want to make laugh and you're someone I want to be kissed by. I know that you're someone I want to be patient with and someone I want to allow myself to heal in the presence of. This much I know, if nothing else.

The way she pushes past the things

How she seems to have it together 

I wish to build myself in control