Jul 2
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#every time i think I'm past the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. something new comes along and reminds me that i still#very much am carrying the weight of it in my chest and probably always will#my mom told me she and my step dad were going to his lake property for the holiday. what she didn't tell me was that apparently#my step sister. her two month old. her boyfriend whom they hate. and his animal killing son were all invited#but i wasn't.#they did this in april for the tulip festival too#i asked my mom if she'd come with me to the verizon store to get a new phone because i really. really hate doing things alone#and my roommate has already made a comment to me about how he already has go 'sacrifice a day off every week for cleaning' and doesn't want#to do things on his only other day off. so I'm just kind of sat here like oh. okay. because he's made it pretty clear he doesn't want to#spend time with me in that way. if at all. and it's like....#I've already lost all my irl friends. i don't have anyone else in this state#everyone i want to be around and be with lives 2000 miles away at best. or in another country at worst. and i just#it makes it really hard to want to stay and live yknow#because what point is there to still being alive when I'm just /alone/#no one wants to be near me or be around me so why do i fucking bother
