⋆.♱˚࿔ ⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

.✦ ݁˖ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒆 - 𝑱𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒛𝒊𝒏

I percieve this to be how Hoa realizes she's begun to have genuine feelings for Adam, and how those feelings have begun to overtake her despite her desperate insistence for them not to. The lyrics "I'll even learn to pray" really stand out for me because she historically never believed in doing such a thing, and still doesn't even though she's a saint. And yet, she's even willing to pray that Adam's serious about what he wants from her and that he's not just toying around with her feelings.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"It's 4 a.m. and my eyes can't seem to close I'm building worlds so real, I feel it in my bones I breathe your outline when heat meets frigid air You're there"

"Bathe me in moonlight I'll even learn to pray Color me candid Just to wash it down the drain You are what's beating And aching in my chest You're there, oh"

"Touch me slow, leave a fingerprint Bring my soul to deliverance I can feel you lingering now"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒚 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒅 - 𝑩𝒋𝒐𝒓𝒌

I've mentioned this before, but Hoa is actually a big fan of Bjork's music, so it's likely she'd listen to this song in-universe. I feel as though it's representative of her in Heaven, her inner thoughts deep down as to why she continues to isolate herself.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Darling, stop confusing me With your wishful thinking"

"It's sometimes just like sleeping Curling up inside my private tortures I nestle into pain Hug suffering, caress every ache"

"I play dead, it stops the hurting."

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑷𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒆𝒂 - 𝑬𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒍 𝑪𝒂𝒊𝒏

I think this song holds so many different meanings for her. Obviously most of it pertains to how she viewed the man she was going to be arranged with in France, but I think the religious aspects can tie to her being sent off to the convent and learning about catholicism post-France. I think this song is so utterly impactful in it's storytelling; it's pure and utter fear. This entire latter half of her life was a complete horror movie for her and it still haunts her, even in death.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Suffer does the wolf, crawling to thee Promising a big fire, any fire"

"Suffering is nigh, drawing to me Calling me the one, I'm the white light"

"Even the iron still fears the rot Hiding from something I cannot stop"

"What fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me (show me your face)Please, don't look at me I can see it in your eyes, he keeps looking at me Tell me, what have you done? Stop, stop, stop, make it stop Stop, make it stop, make it stop I've had enough Stop, stop, stop, stop Stop, stop, stop, stop!"

"Blessed be the children Each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence Blessed be you, girl Promised to me by a man who can only feel hatred and contempt towards you"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑺𝒑𝒊𝒕 - 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝑴𝒆 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒅𝒚, 𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑵𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒂

I commonly asssociate this song with how Hoa sees herself posthumously. The beauty standards of Europe completely eroded her percieved beauty, and she sees herself as a grotesque version of who she once was. The man she was promised to was the one who did most of the damage as he constantly criticized her culture and features, attempting to strip it all away. I think the song being uncomfortable and off putting really adds to this.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"It's filthy disgusting So ugly, I'm sure I'm ugly, disgusting And filthy for sure."

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑻𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 - 𝑭𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂 𝑨𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒆

This one is a bit of a tone switch LOL. I've mentioned on this blog that Hoa would regularly enjoy and listen to Fiona Apple, so I felt like it fit. For me, this song represents her feelings for Adam evolving past romantic and delving into sexual territory. She refuses to cross that line with him for a while because she does not truly think he takes any sort of relationship seriously, and considering she's a complete virgin, she refuses to allow him what she believes to be bragging rights. And yet... she cant stop thinking about what his hands would feel like on her body.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"I lie in an early bed thinking late thoughts Waiting for the black to replace my blue I do not struggle in your web Because it was my aim to get caught"

"Give me the first taste Let it begin, Heaven cannot wait forever Darling, just start the chase, I'll let you win But you must make the endeavor"

"Oh, your love give me a heart contusion Adagio breezes fill my skin with sudden red Your hungry flirt borders intrusion And I'm building memories on things we have not said."

.✦ ݁˖ 𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 - 𝒊𝒗𝒓𝒊

Bit on the nose, considering she literally works and used to reside in her tower full time. This song is how I percieve Hoa to navigate grief after Adam's death. Before she becomes aware he's reincarnated as a sinner and is at the hotel, she spends months with her newborn, attempting to navigate everything with her support system but struggling severely. His death triggered her to have extreme post-partum depression, and while she may not hallucinate Adam 24/7 like Lute does, sometimes she sees him in the darkness of her hallways. I also think it's fitting that the song that I associate with her grieving her rock-enthused husband has indie rock influences and heavy guitar.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"I'm right where you left me The tower of memories"

"Moments I wish I could forget Wake up in a cold sweat"

"So hard to let go of I speak and I choke up I can't turn the TV off"

"I just want it all to end (I'm microscopic) Diving deeper in my own consciousness (I never wanted)"

"We're a carcass All I wanted All I wanted was you Dragged right through my conscious In the darkness I see visions of you"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑪𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 - 𝑴𝒊𝒕𝒔𝒌𝒊

Ohh Mitski, where do I even begin. I truly associate this song with Hoa and her mourning the life she had in Vietnam. She was so happy, so at peace, and ever since being violently ripped away from it, she feels hollow. There's a void in her chest and no matter how much work she tries to use to fill it, it's no use. She's starting to forget the way her home looked, the way her family looked, but she still misses them deeply and can't seem to find anything that can cure her of that sadness.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Down empty streets sniffing glue, me and you Blank open eyes watch the moon flower bloom It's been a long, hard 20 year summer vacation Both these 20 years tryna fill the void"

"Crack baby, you don't know what you want But you know that you had it once And you know that you want it back"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑭𝒐𝒐𝒍 - 𝒃𝒐𝒂

GOD I LOVE THIS SONG. I feel like these lyrics are more on the nose- essentially, it's the singer talking about how she was born an eastern (asian) girl in a western world. I obviously take this meaning and mold it to fit Hoa's situation, and I feel like it works very well. The "fool" in this situation applies to both the Frenchman who tried to force her to conform to the beauty standards and the head nun who gave her the name Catherine and attempted to erase and beat out what little connection she had left to her culture.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"I was born and raised As an eastern girl in a western world I was told to choose To choose to be what I chose to be Speaking impartially There doesn't seem to be a place for me But when I look inside I find A place to run to hide"

"Which way should I turn? Cause I seem to fall towards burning But when I look inside I find the place To cry, to fly, to die"

"You and I, born as fools now You and I think, think we rule now"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑰𝒏𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒅 - 𝑬𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒍 𝑪𝒂𝒊𝒏

I can and will write an entire essay on this song and how I associate each line with Hoa differently, with it all pertaining to her time in France. This song is so meaningful. I associate it with her constant fear and struggle in France, but every single line has a different meaning to me that I can delve deeper into at a seperate time for now. The older brother is a reference to her actual older brother, who she's internally begging to save her despite him being dead because he's always been her protector.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Bare naked under my nightgown Pissing on the stove to put it out Watching him through holes in his door Sucking on the back of his leg to stay warm"

"Something smells rotten and it's starting to spread I'm bad, he's worse, we're already dead We're already dead"

"You get off on innocence so you savor this Does your baby know her daddy's a rapist? He hates the way you look at me You're already dead You're already dead If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about"

"You can't win 'em all Who knows how much longer I'll lay on the floor Touch me 'til I vomit (Touch me 'til) I'm not scared of god I'm scared he was gone all along Who will take the fall Who of us is stronger You'll just want it more If you could, you'd have fought it But you know you're not From the start, they knew you were wrong You were wrong"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑺𝒖𝒈𝒂𝒓 𝑯𝒊𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑 - 𝑪𝒐𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒖 𝑻𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒔

Okay so there are no genuine meaningful or straightforward lyrics to this so it's on here entirely on vibes LOL. Hoa would enjoy the Cocteau Twins a lot, so I added it on here as a means of giving the peaceful everyday vibe of her worktower, and really her as a person. Every time I listen to this song I just picture her looking at the stars through her big telescope and laying in her garden at night. It's so gorgeous and ethereal, just like her!

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑷𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝑩𝒂𝒈 - 𝑭𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂 𝑨𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒆

This one is literally just Hoa catching feelings for Adam, and trying to cope with that. She conceals her feelings, trying to justify that it would simply never work; they're too different, he's been shown to not be the committing type, etc. Deep down, she believes she's simply a mess he won't want to deal with when he gets close enough to see it. And Yet, despite her trying to push the feelings down- she can't help but hope he reciprocates, looking for hope of genuine love in his incessant bothering of her. I also think the line "so is everything, but he didn't get it" is a little funny considering she's not the best at actually trying to make jokes, she's simply unintentionally funny 90% of the time.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"I was staring at the sky Just looking for a star To pray on or wish on or something like that I was having a sweet fix Of a daydream of a boy Whose reality I knew was a hopeless to be had"

"Hunger hurts and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up I've got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love"

"I said "honey, I don't feel so good Don't feel justified Come on put a little love here in my void" He said "it's all in your head" And I said "so's everything" but he didn't get it I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒐𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 - 𝑨𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆 𝑳𝒆𝒏𝒌𝒆𝒓

This song is so sweet:'). I percieve this to be Hoa allowing Adam into her life, allowing him to grow close to her as she attempts to be vulnerable. It's them looking at eachother, seeing their deepest vulnerable parts, and saying "I love you" anyways.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Over the Dead Sea, keepin' you company Thinkin', "I'm not afraid of you now" I'm not afraid of you now Lettin' my eyes close, sheddin' my soft clothes Wind blows, wind that howls like a hound Wind that laughs like a clown"

"I have nothin' to pray now Nothin' to pray now"

"Pullin' your face close, wanting the inmost Show me I'm not afraid of you now I'm not afraid of you now Villain and violent, infant and innocent Baby, both arms cradle you now Both arms cradle you now"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑨𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝑨 𝑺𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒀𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑶𝒍𝒅 𝑮𝒊𝒓𝒍 - 𝑩𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝑺𝒐𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝑺𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒆

This one makes me so emo. It's Hoa reflecting on herself, missing the girl she used to be when she was a young girl. It's her remembering her family, remembering the joy she felt with them. It's her missing her teenage years that were stripped from her when she turned 17. She misses her family and her culture, she misses the markets, she misses the smell of salt and fish, she misses the visits to the temple, she misses her connection to her ancestors, she misses watching her mother touch up her blackened teeth, she misses the sound of her brothers' laughter as she chased after both of them, she misses how her mother brushed her hair, she misses her father's voice when he read to her- she misses everything. So much.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that Now you're all gone, got your make-up on and you're not coming back Can't you come back?"

"Bleaching your teeth, smiling flash, talking trash under your breath"

"Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑯𝒂𝒏𝒅 - 𝑨𝒏𝒏𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒂

This is another song I can write whole essays about! This one mostly pertains to her time in the convent, forming her own opinions in the church and trying to be a catholic, despite never understanding or truly believing in the religion. It's a big symbol of how she comes to view the men long before her as the perpetrators of actions that decided her fate before she was born. It's also a very on the nose symbol of how everything that has happened to her occurred because she was a beautiful woman- or even a woman, period. And now, she's expected to be small and shut up, but she absolutely refuses to. I think it's also partially how she comes to view Adam upon first meeting- loud, bold, and arrogant- while she remains quiet and polite. Soooo many good lyrics in this one, it'll eventually get it's own essay.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Every time a guy writes a song, he's a cowboy, a sailor Playing with the world in his palm like the first pioneer Every time he opens his mouth, it's a loud movie trailer Clipping every image and sound he thinks proves he was here"

"A scroll, a nod, a message from God, a son, a Holy Father"

"Every time a guy writes a song, he's a sailor, a cowboy Holding out the world in his palm like he made it himself Every time I open my mouth, I think, "Wow, what a loud noise" Still on the soapbox, just hoping I seem underwhelmed"

"The hand, the pen, the writing again, the wind around the willow The felt, the ice, the passage of time, the melting down the window The now, the then, the thinking of "when," the bottle in the ocean The strike, the pause, the message from God forbid she shows emotion"

"This isn't rage, it's worth a mention This is a fake internal tension Sometimes, I spread out one opinion And stand on its back to gauge attention This isn't rage, it's too specific I like to hate symbolic limits This is no statement, I'm complicit This is a dream, God put me in it"

"The strike, the pause, the message from God, does that make me His daughter?"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑪𝒊𝒄𝒐 𝑩𝒖𝒇𝒇 - 𝑪𝒐𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒖 𝑻𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒔

This is totally based off of vibes again. Hoa's just such a pretty cutie and I love her, and when she does express happiness, this is her aura as a song.

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑽𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒂 (𝑰𝒏 𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒎) - 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑨𝒓𝒎𝒚, 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑵𝒂𝒗𝒚

I view this as an overarching metaphor for Hoa's life. The content of the song being about a mouse being hunted and killed by a cat parallels how she was kidnapped and eventually died as a result of the horrific things she faced and the situation she was placed in. It's an empathetic, sweet song meant to mirror how one would view her story.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Looks like the cat did a number on you Vienna, oh He took a brick off the side of the stoop Poor vienna It′ll be over soon Your mamas waiting for ya But you're not coming home You′re not coming home"

"Your mamas been so worried Cause you never came home Beneath the ground you're buried In memoriam And god I've lived a lifetime Because I′m big and tall But who am I to kill for The crime of being small?"

.✦ ݁˖ 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒓 𝑳𝒂𝒔 𝑽𝒆𝒈𝒂𝒔 - 𝑪𝒐𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒖 𝑻𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒔

I know all the cocteau twins is probably getting repetitive, but again, this is literally just her aura as she moves about her day. So cutie I love her sm!!

.✦ ݁˖ 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒀𝒐𝒖 - 𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒓

I feel like I've come to associate this to how Hoa sits in her tower and works all day as a way of coping and managing. She pushes people away, minimizes her feelings, and keeps quiet. She never thought she'd make it to Heaven, if it was even real, and now she feels stagnant about her place. While part of her is scared by the notion of spending an eternity like this, she also can't help but continue to isolate herself as it's now become the "safe" route for her.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

"Had a conversation off face Played down how I feel Let myself be hypnotized With old memories"

"I've had a few Moving too fast Further from you"

"Weathered and bruised Like the train tracks Laid out and ruled Derailed Grow older

I'll never do All the things that I wanted to I'll just sit back and tell my friends And pretend I'm younger than you"

art creds to meee!! She's so tea i know...

Voice Claims:

English: Anne Yatco (Raiden Shogun/Ei - Genshin Impact)

Vietnamese: Phuong Anh Dao (Mai - Mai the movie)

So personality wise, this is totally gonna be a watered down version because I feel like it should either have it's own post or come out naturally when I write her with Adam LOLOL. Essentially... she's a bit of a bitch LMFAOOOO like not in an outwardly mean way, but it's literally like talking to a brick wall. She's very polite but barely even emotes half of the time and hardly ever talks. She's pretty intimidating because she's a saint who's spent almost a century locking herself away in her tower, not to mention part of her abilities as an angel have to deal with literally creating stars from supernovas...

Hoa is blunt, formal, and doesn't use modern slang or technology due to her isolation causing a disconnect from modern society for her. She's extremely intelligent, and many of her writings are often published through her assistants even if it was something she scribbled down on her lunch break. At her core, she is kind and she feels things deeply, but with everything that happened to her, she prefers isolating herself and throwing herself into work so that she will never think about any of it.

When she and Adam first meet again, she finds him completely insufferable and tells him so to his face. Adam is utterly baffled, because this hot chick just said he needs to shut the hell up essentially, and the whole time she's staring at him with an annoyed expression. (#frenemiestolovers #onesidedpining for REAL)

Adam sort of becomes fixated on her and starts actively breaking into her tower without permission to visit her constantly. Whole time, Hoa hates it because talking to him is the equivalent of watching two brain cells roll around in the hopes of colliding to create a single intelligent thought. Plus, she's not stupid... she's very aware he's really only doing all this because he desperately wants to prove he can get into anyone's pants, including her (which is lowkey true that was his initial goal cough...)

Despite having a million walls up, Hoa is generally kind and most of her assistants are women because she prefers their company. They actually love working for hee despite the fact they have to sort through millions of years of archived history- she treats them very well!

Overall, Hoa can be pretty funny without trying because she's lowkey like the stray cat that hisses at you constantly and takes months to get to trust you.

Fun facts about everyone's favorite saint:

Her hair is actively supposed to resemble her nun's habit. Usually she cuts it herself and keeps it at upper thigh length, but it grows extremely fast and will drag on the floor if she doesn't tend to it.

Her eyes are blue due to her love for her old friend, who had the same color. In life, they were dark grey! The new color as an angel was a way of carrying her friend with her.

She has a tattoo! Nobody ever sees it because her hair covers it, but it's a four pointed star on the back of her neck. It's a symbol of guidance and balance to her. One of her assistants was the one to do it.

She doesn't really fly much. She finds herself to not be very good at it due to never really trying, and her tower has a lot of stairs. She can only really fly short distances and prefers to walk so she doesn't embarass herself LMFAO.

She enjoys some modern music. She's a big fan of Bjork, The Cocteau Twins, Boa, and Fiona Apple. So essentially 90s-early 2000s dreamy alternative sounds. Her assistants gifted her vinyls so she can listen to them on her gramophone.

She can fan dance! She only ever does it during lunar new year celebrations in heaven.

Her family is in heaven with her, she just doesn't see them all that often unfortunately. That changes! But she avoids interactions with them due to the fact she's still pretty traumatized from watching them all die and being unable to stop it.

Her favorite flowers are lilies and lotus flowers. She has a garden tucked in the center of her library (The library is a huge square structure with a hollowed out middle) and it's got a small river with koi fish and a bridge, amongst other things. It's her favorite place.