Welcome to the Hellmouth

I have some of the most difficult times these past couple years. I finally left an abusive relationship.

The abusive relationship lasted 10 years. Every single day I walked on eggshells. I was terrified. Wondering when the next time that I would get hit or screamed at would be. I still have nightmares. All of the Zoloft in the world couldn’t cure the anxiety being in that situation caused.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Leaving that relationship should’ve been the end of my struggles, but unfortunately I moved in with my narcissistic grandmother and my drug addict father. Things were okay for a time. And I can’t say that I didn’t cause things to not be okay.

I started caring for a cat colony. Slowly trying to reduce their numbers and fix them and keep them fed and sheltered in the meantime. My grandmother hates cats. She told me to get rid of them multiple times, but to be honest, I moved to her house with five of my own with her permission, and I didn’t see the harm in feeding all of the others. One day she decided she wanted them gone, and it’s been hell ever since.

Things escalated this week to the point that she shot a gun into the woods to prove a point and try to scare me.

I totally realize it’s her property, and maybe I should’ve gotten rid of the cats if that was even an option, but there’s no shelter here and all of the rescues are full. So now I’m scrambling to try to find somewhere to rent that will allow me to bring at least a few of these guys that are already fixed, as I’ve been frantically rehoming the rest to trusted friends and family.

Ever since my grandmother shot the gun into the woods, I have been frantic. I’ve been crying nonstop. I have PTSD and I’m not sure if it triggered something. I feel like I am losing my mind, but I am trying so hard to keep it together and just get through this and make things okay again.

She plans to officially give me a notice to vacate tomorrow, which is fine, I’ve already been searching for rentals. It just feels shitty.