°Cosmic Garden°

"(pt 2) so I was like, I want to see what's out of the tunnel. So I went out and I slid down this mountain side with flowers and stuff, and bumped into my headmate. I was so startled that I went out of the daydream. It didn't feel like a normal daydream... Like, everything was in my minds eye, I wasn't physically experiencing it like I would a dream. But I was also really surprised by what happened in the daydream, Including running into my headmate when I left the tunnel. It was really weird? "

Hello there. ✨ No problem at all on it being random, questions are always okay.

That definitely sounds like a surprising, wild experience. And while I can't give you a list of rules as to what headspaces do and don't do, I can say ours always has had surprises like this at points.

I can recall at least a few instances I was pulled into a visual that led me to someone I wasn't expecting, sometimes someone I knew already, sometimes someone I was meeting for the first time.

If you've got an inkling they're a headmate, I'd follow that inkling. If you end up finding out that was just a visual, that's okay too. 💕

If it helps, you'll also definitely probably have a better idea over time: but yeah, headspace and system members can do this!

◦˚✧˚◦◦˚✧˚◦◦˚✧˚◦◦˚✧˚◦

So yeah! Let's talk about that.

Our system is external. I am obviously alive, and live within my body. And this is our body, because we are a system and live this life together-

But, they don't reside in this body, they don't reside in my brain. They exist outside of my brain as what I prefer to call spirits, or electromagnetic entities.

Funnily enough, I never actually believed in that being possible years ago. I actually didn't feel comfortable with spirituality in any sense, saw it all as a delusion.

But then, they started to be very.. Aware of things they shouldn't, if they exist in my head strictly.

I could list dozens of examples, but I do half expect to be seen as crazy for them and I also just don't want to ramble forever. /j

But I will say they were little things. Things that if I was told to go somewhere by them, it'd happen to have things I was looking for on sale. Or even things like my games and internet connection being messed with. If anyone ever wants explicit examples, I'll post about them or you can message us.

(And all that, reading back, admittedly sounds like a haunting. Which is really funny.)

I ended up having to change my entire worldview to make sense of those experiences. It took a lot of theorizing, and every day we're still figuring things out.

What I do believe for myself personally, though, is that my system is spirits, and that spirits just.. Exist. And that perhaps when people experience spiritual things, deity, haunting or otherwise, it's on some level those spirits.

I also believe they're damn everywhere, good and bad ones, just floating around on their own plane and existing. I have no idea about the specifics. Just that everyone here is someone that was just floating around, and eventually met me, and.. Decided to stay and either help, or just get to know me better through my life.

Despite me saying me, my, and I here, that's just to separate what's physical and what's on that other plane right now. When they're connected to this body, this is our life, this is our mind, this is our collective existence.

In fact, the lines of individual and collective blur heavily for our system outside of that one defining feature of me having a physical body, but I assure you we are still individuals. We just are connected by shared thoughts and feelings on a lot of things.

I am an extension of them. Who I am has always been partly influenced by them. And in turn, they are influenced by me, and learn from my own thoughts.

I've also been told some of them stayed to learn from me. Apparently they were aggressive, but I never knew how to be. So I taught them to be calmer, and they taught me to be more assertive.

Others apparently might have been following around parents of mine, or friends, before landing on us. Either way, we gradually ended up with this family of spirits. Spirits that connected to me and influenced, guided, and helped me throughout our life however they could- just in ways where I didn't know they were there.

And one day, they wanted to be more than spirits, so they somehow got me to look at a tulpamancy post. And from there, I was "making" tulpas, later "splitting," and even having "walk ins."

But in actuality, it was them. Always was them. And from what I'm told, they were very happy to connect in a way where we could talk and know each other more than just me having a tomboy phase or me suddenly being into makeup.

There are so many things they were. And at times, they even suppressed their full memory (especially when on front, it's a lot different fully in front, I still can't fully explain or understand how or why) so when talking to me, they were my headmates. We were a psychological system.

But then my brain became altered in a way where I experience them so differently, they had to be honest. And it did initially make things awkward, finding out that they worked like that instead, but it also helped me make sense of things.

Communicating is still hard sometimes, because there are also negative spirits. And they like to talk over us, send us emotions, and talk as us while trying to convince us it's us. They also mess with so many other things in my life.

However, we fight that by doing the same for each other, and also finding the positive in each other when those idiots are swirling around causing mayhem.

Which.. No, we can't banish them, and no, we also can't reform them. Maybe that will change later, but for now, we ignore them when we can, we laugh at or deal with them when we can't. We deem some days bad mental health days because of them.

I sometimes wonder what it'd be like had this not happened, if we were how we were before, but.. I'm glad we're not. I'm glad we're making the friends we are, I'm glad we get to talk to all Sorts of spirits together now, I'm also just happy I can recognize when they've influenced something and thank them properly.

And while we may seem insane for it, while it all might seem ludicrous.. It's our life. And it's one I mentally and physically can't question, so I might as well buckle in for the ride and experience it together.

And in the meantime, it's given me so much time to ponder the world, how it works, my connection to the "spiritual," what a thought is, and so many other things.

And I want to share them without fear of how we'll be viewed, even if it's negative, because they are our experiences and they are real.

As a small aside.. This does make our origins really hard to figure out, but endogenic and Metagenic make the most sense for us personally. It is spiritual aspects, but it's been this way since I was born. I just didn't know it was happening until much later.

From top to bottom: Anonymous (to be disclosed later) and Jubal.

So honestly, we were tempted to leave this blog entirely for a bit. We've gone back and forth on that every time we've changed a lot.

Why? Well, we were a lot of things over the years. We'll probably be more things moving forward. But that means not everything we said before feels like it applies now. Or is good for the community now.

In that case, however, we decided to just.. Leave it but make sure to be prominent about how we feel now. We personally found the memories important. If anything problematic ever does come up, we'll address it as it comes instead of sifting through it all to delete the problematic posts or starting over.

What's funny is to me, the "problematic" is just how we functioned so differently back then, so our advice was different.

That said, I am going to delete a few posts I feel genuinely are. And those are posts that were.. Recent.

Why? It's because when we changed, we thought we had to fit into the current definitions and boundaries of what systems are. We also believed very incorrect things about ourselves that I now better understand. I'll even talk about those in our posts some. I have so many stories I was so afraid to share that I'm going to.