Cosmo/Horror

proof im not dead and do indeed sometimes write

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It takes Hyrule a second to process, but when he does he smiles for a brief second before schooling his expression to be as straight faced as he could manage "Oh, yeah. Wolfie ate your book." He shrugs, casually hooking his thumbs in his belt "He looked hungry, so I didn't stop him. I think he ate one of your socks, too." 

Huh, that's a new name Wild hasn't heard before. "Wolfie?" 

Twilight scoffs, almost sounding offended "Wolfie does not eat books, or socks. Or anything that's not normal wolf food, for that matter. He has a perfectly healthy diet of deer and hogs, just like any other normal wolf." 

"Don't forget the bokoblins, those are his favorite to eat." Four chimes in with a smile and a glance to Twilight 

"Bokoblins are disgusting, no way Wolfie enjoys eating them." 

"And how would you know how bokoblins taste, rancher?"

And at that, Twilight flushes red "Well, you-- okay, look, it's not like-" he gestures vaguely to nothing in particular as he tries to explain himself, but the silent snickering from Wind slowly growing louder and the amused looks from the others seem to just fluster the rancher even more "I've never eaten a bokoblin!"

"Hey now," Warriors chimes in with a stifled snicker "We never said you ate bokoblins, just asked why you knew what they taste like. That one's all you." 

Finally, this is something Wild knows he for sure can say something in. "I mean, chances are you've all consumed some form of bokoblin. Only some parts are unhealthy to eat, like the brain or the kidneys." 

And just like that, the steady pace to the Castle came to a sudden halt, and all eyes went from Twilight to Wild. And upon looking at their expressions Wild gets the thought that, perhaps, he shouldn't have said anything.

"What do you mean by that?" Legend is quick to ask

"Oh. Ah, based on your expressions I get the feeling that maybe you'd all rather not know that. It's not that important anyways, really! We have bigger things to worry about, like uhm, why Twilight knows what a bokoblin tastes like.." Wild's attempt to backpedal that topic fails horrifically. Their stares only grow more distressed by the second. He has only a few seconds to ponder if he should make something up and let them live in ignorant bliss, or rip the bandaid off? Maybe he could make up a food, say it's common in some part of Hyrule, let them be relieved it hasn't been invented in their time period... But then if they get sent back to his home and they ask someone about it, they won't know what they're talking about and they'd know he had lied to them. But then again, what are the chances of that happening? But also, what are the chances of it NOT happening? What if they ask him to make it? Monsters don't do well in normal food (he'd know, unfortunately) No, they probably wouldn't, but what if instead they see someone actually making an elixir? What if they see HIM making an elixir? 

Perhaps the best thing to do, is to break it to them gently, he settles on. "Elixirs are made with monster guts. Or horns. Or teeth. Or nails, or eyes, depending on what monster they use. Different monsters have different magical properties in different parts of their bodies." He blurts out, which is not a gentle way of breaking the news at all. But it would likely be worse to stop talking at this point, so he doesn't. Suddenly, his boots are mighty interesting. "Since bokoblins are so common and widespread they're the most common ingredient, but stronger potions tend to use different monsters that have stronger properties, likeeee... Like lynel hooves! Or molduga guts. I made a few with hinox toenails before." The toe of his boots like pretty scuffed, a little damaged, maybe he should get a new pair. He absentmindedly scuffs the heel of his boot in the dirt, kicking up some small pebbles as he does "Monsters are rich in natural magic. With the right ingredients, you can repurpose that natural magic into something helpful. Healing, stamina, speed, heat resistance, cold resistance..." And when he finally looks back to the rest of the ancient heroes, he can say for certain he's never seen a group of people look so positively devastated.

Warriors shakes his head slowly, his brows furrowed and mouth set into a grim line. He looks like he just watched a lynel kick a sad wet puppy right into a camp of starved lizalfos right in front of its mother. Sky stares at him blankly, his expression unreadable. Time's face is set in an almost pitiful looking frown and it's the most emotion he's ever seen on the man's face so far. Legend turns and walks away, and he doesn't stop walking. Four turns to follow him wordlessly. Wind is the first to speak, summing up everyone's thoughts into an eloquent sentence;

"WHAT the FUCK. Ew??! EW?? You're serious? EW???" His face scrunches up and his body looks to be rejecting the idea.

Hyrule's hands go up to cover his face "I knew it." He grumbles "I knew there was something inherently gross about potions. I could feel it in my bones, I knew they were just wrong." He shakes his head, opens his mouth to say more as he looks to where Legend was standing, and finds him not there. He looks around before he locates him up ahead on the trail, and he turns on his heel to run and catch up to them. 

"Oh stars, that's why people pay such high prices for monster remains, isn't it?" The Captain's voice is just as devastated as his expression "I thought it was for research, or to inspire people to go get rid of monster populations."

Sky lets out a long and weary sigh, muttering more so to himself than anyone else "Yeah, that.. somehow, that makes sense. Of course it would be monster innards."