C O L L A P S E

i sip chaos, watching bystanders “love” each other. arms to the sky, induced in pseudo longing. i sip mindlessly and feel the burn of it all. i think, “how naive are those roaming around me?” they don’t know love, not the truest form that these bodies are able. they lack while never experiencing the lack of. not once deprived of utter depth, the paradox they walk as, to think and not be. if only they knew the feeling through my eyes as i watch them; true longing, the lack of. give the overflow, close the void. i ask the Lord to drown in her. for now, forever now.

it made sense that the rain blew in the wind today; i've started shaking like your teeth in this unexplainable cold. in all the songs that were too loud for you i somehow found you there, distant but smiling, like the sun in the San Francisco summer. the sun won't shine this summer, not until i find it and keep it for myself. sounds of gun shots ring in the air and i wonder if it's killing anything like this morning killed me. i'll keep the days ahead and try to learn how to float upstream. it's a matter of allowing and not collapsing-- maybe collapsing in the rhythm of what i know, or what i’m coming to know, whatever keeps me whole. i've sang this before, the tune is familiar but the pain subsided into a sort of numbness i recognize. my constant shaking, forever a pursuit forward. when will I stay in one place, together in one piece? i'll keep our mornings near to my eyes. won't you do the same, in this unexplainable cold?

the summer has multiplied your digression- a conversation under lights and toxic smoke. you beg your case against it's grave, tomorrow is in the hole you dig, crossing the negligence of your romantic tier. unwell, stain on your breath, wine floods your chest, you've bled through the fabric that covers my cold limbs. -cjt