Iâm so glad you asked! Let me list off what Iâve got for you:
Books I personally recommend:
- The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
If youâre having kinky sex at all, you need to read at least one of these two books. Point blank. Theyâll teach you the very basics of negotiating properly (which is critical!), and help you identify what you are and arenât into.
- Mindfucking Mindfully, by Sir Ezra
Where this book really shines isnât actually in helping you âmindfuckâ people, itâs in taking a close look at how to do so ethically. Itâs a great answer to the question âhow do I get someone to consent to something and still surprise and shock them with it?â
- Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny
This is a slightly niche pick but there simply isnât a better book on the subject. Itâs written from a 24/7 M/s perspective, which is not what I do, but the book itself is an indispensable guide to giving and receiving service. The phrase âif the Master doesnât want it, it isnât serviceâ will be burned into my psyche for quite some time. I love this book a lot. Maybe my favorite out of all of these.
- Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation, by Princess Kali
This oneâs high on my reading list;Â Iâve heard it recommended by a number of people whose opinions on these things I trust.
- Pretty Much Anything Midori Has Ever Done
Midori is a great resource for this stuff - I havenât personally read much of her work, but sheâs a well known sex educator and great at what she does. Sheâs known for bondage, but has a lot of range beyond that.
- This Negotiations Worksheet from Bex Talks Sex
This is what I default to using a lot of the time for negotiations. Forget BDSMtest, you donât need that, itâs no good. Just look through this worksheetâs wordbank with your partner. Big fan especially of the âhow do you want to feel?â section.
Books I can kind of recommend:
- The Ultimate Guide to Kink, edited by Tristan Taormino
This book is weird. Thereâs a lot of good info for experienced players, but some of whatâs written here skeeves me out. I think if I had a top that thought the way some of the tops in here think, they would not be topping me for long. But thereâs some good techniques and so on to pick up that I wouldnât have otherwise. I liked the distinction one of the authors makes between being sadistic in the sense of inflicting pain and being sadistic in the sense of doing something your sub doesnât âenjoy.â
- The Ritual of Dominance and Submission, by David English
Man, this book fucking sucks. The writing and editing are garbage, and the fear and protocol play described need way more careful negotiation than he ever lets on, let alone recommends. This is some 50 Shades bullshit. The only time I recommend this book is to tops like me who tend to be very affirming to their partners and need a guide on how to really scare them - when their partner consents and when you negotiate it, which this book sucks at teaching you. Really good content on fear, punishment, and protocol play, really terrible presentation of the topic though. Donât read this if you donât already know what youâre doing.
- Paradigms of Power, by Raven Kaldera
I love this book. Great book. Very focused on 24/7 M/s play though, and, being an anthology, some chapters are better than others. If you canât read something and pick out what is and isnât for you, donât bother. But some really great inspiration, and generally pretty well written. Big fan of the discussion of leather throughout the book.
Hope some of these are helpful for people ^-^ for the average person reading this I recommend New Bottoming/Topping, but theyâre all important parts of my library and Iâve recommended all of them to friends at some point or another.
