Taijin Kyofusho

“I love you. You are closest to my heart, closer than any other human being. You are my extension. You are my prayer. You are my belief in God.”

“I’m sorry I gave you everything I had without making sure you wanted it.”

I need you to know that no matter what happens, it was worth it to me. Being with you, loving you. It was all worth it.

“I was looking for a love unlike my parents’ love or my sister’s love or the love on a foreign kitchen floor. I wanted my own kitchen to keep clean and full of bread and milk and hot sauce and a big clean empty sink where I could wash my dishes. I wanted to forgive my mother and father for their misery and find myself a light man who lived buoyantly and to be both his light and his dark, serious baby.”

“I wanted so badly to talk to you. We’d gone from speaking every day to radio silence. What could I say though? Nothing I wrote felt right. Besides, did you even want to hear from me? Anyways, it felt selfish of me to reach out for my own comfort. All I could do is hold my breath and find my own kind of closure.”