coopsbird

My friend and I are discussing various English/UK accents and I just fucking blurted “Australian accents are like if Britain had a Texas” and guys I feel like I’ve cracked the goddamn code

[checks someone’s blog for their age] jesus fucking christ it’s like i’m chaperoning a dance

inspire rumours with the intensity of your friendships

*throws lamp at you* you need to lighten the fuck up

americans think ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN of driving 7 hours. they’ll drive 7 hours just for dinner. they’ll drive 7 hours just for chips and dip

My friend in the UK told me that they only see their father like 2-3 times a year because they live so far away. When I asked how far do they live, they said that it’s a 45 minute drive……. my commute to work, five days a week is an hour.

The way John Mulaney speaks is the vocalized version of When You Capitalise Every Word Like This

(a bell rings, reminding me of previous times i have eaten) these memories are so good… might as well salivate. it’s my choice.

my heart is guarded but like … very poorly. the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an r rated movie.

‪At the end of the day it’s really just about being a good person. It doesn’t matter how you dress or what your hobbies are … It’s just about being a peaceful and compassionate person. That’s really it. Everything else is surface and irrelevant.‬

sam and t'challa strolling around nyc and sam pointing to every stray cat and asking t'challa “do you know him?”

T'challa pointing to every single bird and asking Sam “are you related?”

sam and scott walking around nyc, sam points to an ant and asks “do you know this one?” and scott replies “yes actually. that’s antwanette.”