I put some maple syrup in a condom just to see what it would look like and when i was carrying it to the dumpster it broke

*The things people who aren’t having enough sex do with condoms**

Wh

god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

that was the devil

BREAKING: Astrology has now been entirely replaced with which Mario Kart character you main

i’m a Wario

yoshi

me when i take a good selfie

Me before i leave for work

https://www.instagram.com/ketsuktiem/