"Mr., is this right?"
"It's close, but not quite correct."
"Isn't it close enough."
"This is math class, not engineering."

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@conversationswithstudents-blog
"Mr., is this right?"
"It's close, but not quite correct."
"Isn't it close enough."
"This is math class, not engineering."

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“Here, is this right?”
“Nope.”
“What? Why not?”
“How long is your major axis supposed to be?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well what does the problem say?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t read it yet.”
“What do you mean you haven’t read the problem? OK, new rule. Attention class. New rule. No one is allowed to ask me questions if they haven’t, at the very least, read the problem they are asking me questions on.”
“Girls, the legs on those tables are not strong so please don’t sit on top of them.”
“Are you calling us fat?”
“Eh.”
“That’s so rude!”
“I’d give you a quarter and tell you to call someone who cares, but I’m cheap too.”
“Mr., she keeps kicking me.”
“So kick her back.”
“I can’t kick her back. I’ll break her.”
“No you won’t.”
“I can’t kick a girl.”
“Wow. That sounds a little bit sexist.”
“Yeah, that’s sexist.”
“She was kicking me. Why am I the one in trouble?”
“What’s the distance formula?”
“Pre-requisite knowledge for this class.”
“What does that mean?”
“That you probably won’t do overly well this term.”

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No, that was really part of the job discription
"Mr. you're ruining my life!"
"I'm your math teacher. That's my job."
Defect learning
"Hey Mr.! We stole this technology from North Korea."
“But, it looks like the height it 3.5. How do you know it isn’t?”
“Because the base of the equilateral is 4, and so if we draw in a height we have a right triangle with base 2 and a hypotenuse of 4. Then you can use the Pythagorean Theorem to…”
“But you don’t know the Pythagorean Theorem will give you the right answer. It could be 3.5.”
“Um… No. It can’t. That wouldn’t work.”
“But what if the Pythagorean Theorem is wrong.”
“It’s not.”
“Why, just because some guy said so?”
“No, because some guy proved it so. So it works for ever right triangle.”
“No one proved that.”
“Uh, yeah, sever people in fact. Look I have a book right here with Euclid’s proof in it.”
“No, you can’t prove a theorem. If you can only prove facts. If you could prove it, it would be called the Pythagorean Fact.”
“First off, no. I’m going to just refer to your science teacher for that argument. In addition, the word theory and the word theorem are two separate words that while sounding similar, mean different things. So yes, theorems can be proven, in fact, that is kind of a requirement for a statement to be considered a theorem in the first place. Otherwise it’s just a conjecture. And since I didn’t ask you to use the Pythagorean Conjecture, the height is still not going to be 3.5.”
The wrong kind of right
"Mr. can you turn the AC off in here. It's too cold."
"Sorry, they don't trust us enough to use the thermostats. You can go stand in the corner to go warm up though."
"What would that do?"
"Well the corners are 90 degrees."
"Oh my god Mr."
"Wait which corner is 90 degrees?"
"They all are."
"Why are the corners so warm."
"There not. It was a joke."
Try just reading the lines first before reading between them
“Mr., we need the standards for you class for advisory.”
“You already have them.”
“No, you never game them to us.”
“They’re on your course packet.”
“Where?”
“Turn to the first page. See where it says, ‘Course Standards’?”
“Yeah.”
“And then it has all those standards listed under where it says ‘Course Standards’.”
“Yeah.”
“OK. Those are your standards for this course.”

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Sometimes I relate too well to my students
"Oh my god, it took so long to finish my homework last night. I watched the whole movie Wreck it Ralph while I did it and that's like a two hour movie."
"Well I watched the entire first season of Party Down while well writing the lesson for today so I have like zero sympathy for you."
Teaching by example
"Mr. I didn't have enough time to finish my homework this weekend."
"Well maybe you should spent time working on it yesterday rather than hanging out at the comic shop."
"How did you know I was there? Wait, were you there?"
"Yes I was. And I finished all my school work before I went."
Dance fool
"Mr., dance with us."
"No."
"Come on."
"No, I don't dance."
"What if I get a 4 in your class?"
"What?"
"If I get a 4 in your class you have to come dance in front of the whole school. Pinky promise me."
"I don't think I..."
"PINKY PROMISE ME."
"OK, fine."
"So now I'm going to get a 4 and you're going to dance in front of the whole school."
"Yeah, you do like know I have complete and total control over your grade right?"
We all fear the unknown
“Mr., can I go to the Bathroom?”
“Ask the magic 8 ball.”
“… I’m afraid to.”
Teacher vs Preditor
“*Clicking noise*”
“OK, unless you are sporting a shoulder mounted cannon and hunting the former governor of California through the jungle, you need to stop making that noise.”

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Can't even catch a break
“Can I go to the bathroom?”
“Ask the magic 8 ball.”
“It says ask again later. What does that mean?”
“Probably means you should have been doing your work instead of talking about Pokémon with your buddies over there.”
“We were talking about Call of Duty.”
“Yeah, because that is going to help you case.”
"Can I borrow some scissors?"
"I'm not sure I trust you with scissors."
"What? Why not?"
"You might cut yourself. You're kind of jumpy."
"How would you know? You don't even have me in class."
"Yeah, but I've seen you at math club. Last year before I learned your name I'd just refer to you as the twitchy freshman."