one year ago, i thought i wouldn't make it.
but i'm back here where i used to belong and although it doesn't feel like home anymore, i can't find any lingering familiarity as well.
this blog was started during the early years of my youth. i never thought i would ever outgrow it, carve a place for myself somewhere else; starting anew without all of my past following me along.
but i did. i'm grateful for where i used to be and i'm also grateful that i'm able to grow beyond that person.
for years, i wondered what is happiness. where will i go. where will i end up. how am i going to navigate life while not wanting to live.
like the moon, i went through my phases. in the uncertainty of everything, i was my one constant and persevered.
now that i've prevailed, i still don't feel much fondness for living however i don't want to regret anymore. i want to make up for those years i spent hating and being despaired.
i don't wake up and see the sun in a different luminosity, the sky has always been blue but i'm the one who's new nowadays.
i came here with the intention of deleting things but i was meant to experience those thoughts, write those feelings and just needed somewhere to vent my youthful rage.
i'm an adult now and i feel like an adult by my own standards. i appreciate the haven that this place provided me with back when i had no sense of direction on how to be myself or this life i didn't ask for.
the things that used to matter the world to me have now become a part of the vast universe as i create a new world, no longer defined by what once was.
i'll always miss this place. i know i'll look back in fondness, nostalgia and pangs of forgotten heartbreaks. i needed to move on though and i did.
thank you to my younger self who pushed through, despite all the frustrations and hopelessness, you made it. you made it this far. i'm proud of you. we didn't become extraordinary but we are alive and i think we all should start from somewhere.
i'm alive and i will move forward.




















