Dazed and Confused

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

Humans are basically a giant jumble of weirdos that try to belittle other weirdos…

That’s the most accurate and poignant description of human nature I’ve ever read

they know what they’ve done

“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?” “Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”

“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”

“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”

“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”

“I want to sleep in a coffin…ya kno, for like… aesthetic”

Someone write this or I will.

I can’t stop watching this. he’s a Chaotic Neutral demigod.

OMFGGGGG

HOLY FUCK BLESS HIM