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I know this comes in the heels of a brutal breakup, but I just want to claim "Canon in D Major" by Johann Pachelbel as my wedding march song. Then the Canon Rock version will be in the reception.

You need to decide what you feel about me because everything you've done so far has been half-cocked and just made me realize how right my decision to leave was. So far, you've managed to tell me how wrong I was for reacting the way I did for how you treated me and the things you told me, made my depression and mental health issues all about you and how these affected you, went on to guilt trip me into returning, threatened suicide, ruined any shred of professional pride I had with my own family, and then demanded that I fulfill the last bits of work for your company. Well done. You've made it impossible for me to even consider going back now -- or ever. And, honestly? I'm happier than I have ever been since I met you.

I don't know what this means for us, but I can't go back anymore. After days (weeks?) of crying, begging, cajoling, and just all-around misery, we finally pulled the trigger to separate.

I saw a video of you last August 1, and it reminded me once again how much of a piece of shit I am. You were so fucking excited. We did have a plan. We fucking did, didn't we? And then I did change my mind. God. I'm such an asshole.

I resigned from RDA today. Odd -- I haven't been happy since April, but I still feel devastated over this decision. I went through a lot and fought through so much just to keep my place within this company, and that's probably why this decision, albeit made by myself, caught me offguard.

At first, it was everything I ever wanted. Low effort. Good team. Fun meetings. I was empowered, encouraged, uplifted. My work, all the contributions regardless of their impact, was celebrated. I felt good. It felt good. Then, things just shifted. Or, maybe, I started to lose the plot. I don't know. I'm still not so sure the changes aren't my fault. Still, I tried to get back what once was -- fought, actually, for my place at the table. None of it was enough though. Maybe my efforts were a little too late. Maybe they changed their priorities. No matter what it was, nothing seemed to change.

I then started to feel attacked. Isolated. Punished for things I had no idea about. No one was telling me anything. All chats or meetings seemed to have underlying meanings, but not a single supervisor went ahead and just confront me with the truth. It was jarring. After a month or two, I was told I was the worst team member. But -- when did this happen? Why didn't they tell me when I was just starting to be...well, bad? Why wait?

When they started "conversations," I thought it was a two-way street -- them acknowledging their faults and me repairing the damage. But, instead, it was just them telling me I sucked and me left wondering why. They wrote me up for using an errant comma. They created detailed reports when I had a migraine. They questioned when I had cramps, wondering why those happened at the same times of the month. Despite all the questions they had, no one actually just directly asked me. I could have just answered them. Then, one of them directly insulted me, and when I squealed, they said I was overreacting. Still, I kept quiet and continued to plod along. I agreed with their assessment; admitted that I overreacted -- even when the admission killed a part of me. Despite the pain and embarrassment of having my concerns dismissed and being tagged as melodramatic, I pretended like nothing was amiss. I still showed up. I still contributed as best as I could. I knew by then, though, that there was no turning back anymore. Whatever "magic" was there in the first six months no longer existed. It was all but officially over. Now, July 23, 2025, I have had enough. It has become unbearable, and it's time to finally choose myself and my peace of mind. I know I'm not a loss to them. Why would I ever think otherwise? You don't treat someone you value that way. Honestly, they've been quite blatant in their desire to just get rid of me -- for me to just go away. And while I initially wanted to hold on longer, I realized that I actually hate them too. I guess I simply needed to grow a spine and choose myself and my dignity; to finally understand that no amount of money would ever be worth my self-worth.

I am still reeling from this decision. I have no actual plans. I have no backup. This is the first time that I have chosen to let go without a parachute.

On this day, 15 July 2025, I have decided to pursue my dream of becoming a writer.

I have finally reached a point in my career where I have enough money to no longer worry about survival. No SEO. No strategies. No marketing. Nothing. Just pure unadulterated writing.

Finally.

It's time for me to start chasing the one thing I have always longed to have.

That everyone is trying their best, and i don't need to carry all the burdens on my own.

Being an adult is...HARD. Unless you're a billionaire, it's almost impossible to keep up with everything life throws at you. When I was younger, it was so easy to judge people who clung to religion. As I got older, I realized that -- you sort of have to. There is nowhere else you can turn to when everything seems insurmountable.

I have always known that you are selfish, and truth be told, it's probably the reason you're incredibly enraged with my sister. You're both self-centered and self-absorbed.

But, I noticed that you are more so -- so much more so. Today, I surprised you with a trip for Valentines and your birthday -- these on top of the monetary gift you are expecting from me.

While telling you about the trip, you made me massage your body because you said it hurts. And, I did. I spent an hour massaging you while telling you about the trip I paid for. After that, I made you coffee, cooked and plated your lunch, and washed the dishes. All you did was work. For your self. On your own files.

You knew that I had a very important meeting today. I told you -- repeatedly -- that today will be my review at work. Yet, you did nothing. That would have been fine, but you also added so much to my burden.

And then, you halfheartedly listened to my "celebratory recap" of my review before you went all sad and disheartened because you're ugly. So, I stopped and listened to your woes. You then made me order food and pick it up DESPITE knowing I had files to complete before the deadline YOU imposed on me. Then, you made me prepare the food I paid for and wash the dishes -- all the while ignoring me and just watching TV.

Now, you're in bed -- no doubt about to get hungry again and will expect me to fend for your survival.

Have you noticed that you took all my money and not bothered to ease my own financial burden? Remember the loans we took to pay off debts under YOUR name? I'm paying for them because you have no money. I don't know if you even know -- or if it even registered that I'm doing this for you. Then, when my bonus came, you took and deposited it to "our" bank account under YOUR name. Didn't you think I could have used that money to pay off the downpayment for the loans? Even when I said no, you could have just gone and sent it back. It's not like you actually need it.

I honestly don't get where you get off questioning my honesty and integrity. Really? YOU? You're the one questioning me? For fucking real?

YOU -- whose family members have done nothing but lie and fucking scheme?