I wish I put as much effort into my life as Phil Collins did into the Tarzan soundtrack

god this feels like im being chased by a serial killer with a fucking boombox blaring this

this envokes primal fear in me

I’m watching Tidying Up, and why did no one tell me that this sweet, delightful woman so pointedly drags straight men for complaining about the mess while not really helping their wives with like anything??? The small cock of her head when she looks them in the eye and asks “you don’t help?” in the sweet voice and you see the fear of god behind their eyes. It fuels me. 

She included in her testimonials a client that said something like “I learned to tidy up things that didn’t bring me joy. So i left my husband. I feel so much happier now.” she’s so subtly brutal lmao

He dead

sometimes, when i want to really treat myself, i turn my phone brightness up juust a little bit. i feel like i’m splurging. like i’m living a king’s life. sometimes i turn it up all the way and i’m like, “this is what god’s phone screen looks like.”

he just keeps getting fatter. when will he stop

This made me laugh too hard

olive garden is just an Italian dennys