COMPUTER QUEEN

Past self.

Damn it.

They peek out from around her, back down the hall they'd came from.

Damn it.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO 'MAKE PEACE' WITHOUT GETTING MURDERED?"

Even ignoring the sheer improbability of being able to make peace with their history to begin with, their other half had proven quite volatile in the time they've been here.

"ELABORATE ON 'ACIDIC DETERRANT,' I'M RATHER SUSCEPTIBLE TO OXIDATION MYSELF"

This whole situation had them dizzy.

* Great Question * I Made Peace With My Past Self A Few Months Back * But That Was Before All Non-Reconciled Duplicates Went Into What We Would Call... * "Murder Mode"

Elaborating on her "acidic deterrent," Queen holds up a glass bottle of battery acid. Unlike the cans they shared when they first met, this acid is bubbling violently, and a label on the bottle indicates it's "Extra Dangerous."

* I Can Generate A Protective Shield Of Acid * (To Avoid Oxidation, I Recommend Not Walking Into It) * If We Can Find Your Counterpart, It'll Be Easier To Negotiate With Them From Behind The Acid Wall

She looks around again, searching.

So far, the entire environment and the people in it was overwhelming jarring and unnatural to SpongeBob. These people were breathing AIR? And they all looked so strange! Even in his little underwater community, SpongeBob was a bit of an oddity - not a fish but not a surface dweller. But he still felt a sense of belonging there. Here? Not at all.

He was just peering around, still trying to get his bearings straight, when big blue eyes focused on some sort of computer lady who resembled Plankton’s wife! Not 1-to-1 exactly, no, but SpongeBob still felt the urge to investigate. So he came onto her, shoes squeaking until the sponge met her face to face, beaming up at her with a friendly smile.

“Hi there!” SpongeBob waved up to Queen, eagerness pouring from him, “You look really familiar to someone I sort of know. Well, we’re not exactly buddies but I know OF her….” his face morphed into a thinking expression, fingers tapping at his chin before he looked back up at Queen, the innocent smile re-emerging, “anywho, you look like her. Maybe you know her. You know anyone named Karen Plankton?”

Lancer?

No, that would be splatting, not squeaking. Though they are both classic sound effects...

Perplexed, she minimizes her holo-screen and turns to face the source of the squeaking. A magnifying glass appears on her facial visor as she considers the sea sponge's query.

* Karen Plankton... * Yeah No Sorry Zero Results Came Up For That * Other Than A "Karen" Who Was Upset About A "Plankton" Exhibit At The Aquarium But I Have A Feeling That's Not Who You Mean

* Going Out On A Limb Here * But Are You * Perhaps... * A Kitchen Sponge From Kitchen World?

Kaguya clapped at the reveal that Queen was indeed... a queen! "Does that mean I should call you Queen Queen then? Um... That's kinda redundant, so maybe not!" She called herself a "princess", but she really didn't do anything you'd expect a normal princess to do. If anything it was just boring work more akin to working a desk job... while dressed up!

Queen laughs a bit at her new title, "Queen Queen."

* Oh That's Funny I Wouldn't Mind That One Bit * FYI It Stands For "Serial Number Q5U4EX7YY2E9N" * But That Tends Not To Roll Off The Taste Bud-Having Tongue, So I Tend To Stick With Just "Queen" (Singular)

"Uh... Yeah, I was really important! They did all sorts of things to get me back, so I guess you could say I was pretty beloved!" [...] "Actually, when I came to Earth it was Iroha who found me. I only became a streamer after I spent all her money so I could set things up!"

Its floor-ward gaze lifts only as she offers them another can, and somewhat surprisedly, they accept it. How generous she is with her drinks. They suppose they'll have to pay her back someday, with some other snacks? It's only fair for a fellow machine, it thinks.

They stare up at Queen for a long moment, then raise the can of battery acid for a moment when she speaks with a nod, before bringing it to their mouth as well. Yeah... sorrows are lighter when shared. It could get used to having someone to commiserate with.

"IF HE ISN'T 'SAFE AND SOUND' I WILL HAVE A LOT OF REVENGE TO TAKE."

If Maxwell had made good on his "joke" of Jimmy being kickable, well... It would have to make him miss the grating immortality of the throne.

A moment of quiet hangs in the air, before it turns its head to face her again.

"WHAT ARE THEY LIKE? THE PEOPLE YOU MISS?"

* Other Than Him There Are My Old Employees * Tasque Manager And Her Tasques, And Swatch With His Swatchlings... * They Run The Cafe In Castle Town Now, That's Where We Were All Moved To

A pause, as she takes a sip of her drink.

* How About You, Anyone Else Besides Your Creation? * Like Those Minions You Mentioned Earlier?

What exactly was so intriguing, Ikki had to wonder? He was just some guy. Some dumb motherfucker with no real-world experience who needed a chance. And so far, both of these people--Dar and Queen--had given him one. It was far more than he expected. Maybe all his belligerent yammering actually was the right thing to do (and not just the desperation move).

Deal accepted, she said. Jackpot. Make that three jobs under his belt. Good. He needed them, not just to live, but in order to pay for classes both here at Spirale Prime, and at the dojang.

Yeah, it was a lot of hard work. Yeah, it was a lot of time. But Ikki didn't give a single fuck. He wasn't afraid of hard work. He wasn't afraid of pain. He wanted to learn. Needed to learn. He was so fucking tired of feeling--helpless. Like he didn't belong. Like an imposter.

"Thank you." His reply was about as brisk and flat as any other words he said--but sincere.

Wait. Was she serious? "Fights? In the classroom?"

"Lady, what kind of moron do I look like to you--? Actually--don't answer that." Queen definitely seemed more than sassy and blunt enough to give him an answer he wouldn't like. Maybe that wasn't the best rabbit hole to dive into. Especially since he was the one who put fighter on his student application. Damn. He really had been desperate, just throwing shit against the wall to see what would stick.

"I can only promise I won't start fights. If someone in the class starts shit, you got my word that I'll drag their asses outside."

* Baller * Just Don't Tell Anyone I Told You That, Please * In Fact, Ctrl+Z That Whole Line Of Discussion * Where Are We, Skullrender? LMAO

Apparently, Ikki isn't the only one unused to the academic field. Queen holds a fist to her mouth, says the word "Cough", and adjusts her (completely unnecessary) glasses.

Uzi pictures it for a few moments, smiling to herself.

"Oh, uh, or use it for cool skiing tricks. You know, whichever."

She could be the Skifree yeti. Robo-God, that would be cool. But Uzi lets herself be lead to the next course without attacking anyone on the way, only to be metaphorically attacked by the sudden difficulty spike of slope level two. She's not even skiing on it, and it's already intimidating.

"Robo-Jesus," she mutters. "Did they skip a few levels in between? Don't they have, like, a tutorial or something? I mean, I usually skip those, but it'd be kinda nice right now."

Well, Queen can be her tutorial NPC for now. Uzi sighs and raises her hand, nodding. "Yes, please. I know it probably won't have a section about using telekinesis, but I'll make do."

A shout draws Uzi's attention, and she looks over at the hill to see someone zooming down the slope, shouting in what's either joy or abject fear. Whatever the case, that's what she wants to do, to speed down so fast people just kind of look at you and go "wow, what a cool and tall person with a hot boyfriend, I wish I were as talented as them."

"Don't put a Subway Surfer video next to it, though. It was really distracting last time. Cool, but distracting," says Uzi, waving her hand again. She lifts her feet, and the skis slide in under her boots, and the poles jump into her hands.

* I Thought You'd Like Learning How To Run Through The Subway While Simultaneously Watching Anime Clips * But Okay * How About This?

Queen takes out her cell phone — amazingly, there's somehow reception out here in the Mistwood — types something in a search bar, and scrolls through the results until she finds something relevant.

"What up, Ski Freakz?! It's ya boy, Ski Freeman, who you know always shows off the wickedest tricks here at Twi-Tun! But today, we're gonna break it down all simple for you ski newbz out there, you know what I'm saying?"

The video goes on like this for a while, complete with an in-video sponsorship, but it does go over the fundamentals of skiing, albeit in an obnoxious SpiraleTuber way.

* Okay Uzi Did You Get All That? * I'm Ready To Board The Lift When You Are

They grimace as the ghost comes in trying to ruin the little fun they could have. While they weren't necessarily super fond of chiptune music, they'd rather hear that over "spooky" music. The latter would remind them too much over the supposed scary adventure that was made solely for them. Truthfully, this whole place reminded them of the descriptions of that adventure from the others.

"Nah, F%$!# it. Keep the party going. We're the ones laboring here, after all."

They point at the wailing spirit.

(She's still assuming that Zooble is another Darkner like herself.)

"You're being paid... in expeEERRrrieEENNCe!" wails the insatiable spirit. "And if you don't finish in an hour's time, then you may find yourself confronted with a vision from your past... Ooooo..."

Queen seems unimpressed by this threat. She sticks a hand on her hip and looks down at the ghost. It's definitely not the one that she came here to visit, she's more than sure about that.

"Medicine and healthcare costs money. And such a combination I know, takes money to fix."

"So no. But I do know its effects."

Did that mean people he didn't even know had his phone number? Ew. Time to eternally put this thing on silent. He does that real quick, adds a little 👑 next to her name to denote that this one doesn't completely suck, then looks back to Queen.

"Yeah, that's me. J-a-x. Unfortunately the X doesn't really give me any super form or anything. Probably for the best."

* It'd Be Sick If I Had A Laser Beam Specifically For That Purpose (Blowing Up Creeps On The Internet) * Sadly My Destructive Power Has Diminished Since Arriving In This World * So We'll Have To Deal With Them The Old-School Way * I.E. The Block Button Or Blocking Them IRL

* On The Plus Side I Can Still Do This

Queen wiggles her fingers a little for effect, then conjures up a trio of holographic screens: one of Jax, one of herself, and one of Lancer.

a golden flower, she says... interesting. he can only wonder what the significance of this might be to her, especially with her being so readily available with the hologram of this particular flower.

* Wouldn't Mind Being Part Of An Escort Mission * Just Throw On Some Pants First, Doc

She gives him some space to do just that, then picks up where she left off.

She jumped at the chance to mention her partner. Literally, because she made an excited little hop. "Oh! This is just my Tsukuyomi avatar! I can lose the bunny ears, see!?" It took her a second to remove the contacts in her eyes, and her appearance changed to that of a normal looking human dressed in normal clothes. She looked essentially the same right down to her height, though slightly older.

(Very different than what Kaguya told her, for sure!)

* Haven't Met Anyone Named "Iroha" Before But I Would Like To Meet Her Someday * She Must Be A Brilliant Inventor To Make A Whole Human Body For You

* And Not To Brag (I Said, Bragging) But I Was Also The Ruler Of A Cyber World Once * The Name "Queen" Isn't Just For Show

@computerqueen 

"I admit, I am not well versed in what people who are inorganic like in their drinks. But alcohol isn't bad most of the time."

The bubbling green liquid in Queen's cocktail glass threatens to dissolve its very container, though that doesn't stop Queen from sipping it without any apparent harm.

"So what you're sayin' is.... my laptop's got like a cold?" Virus. She means a virus. And probably several at that.

"The last thing I remember lookin' up before it went all funky was 'cool toolbars very nice'. Just trying to make my computer look as cool as I am. And then it kinda all snowballed from there." Downloading sketchy antiviruses mainly.

"Yeah It's An Advanced Form Of Cold Called A 'Virus,' And The Prescription Is (Naturally) Antivirus Software. Let Dr. Queen (Me) Diagnose Your Problem And See If She (Your Laptop) Can Make It Through"

She adjusts her sunglasses and gets to work, restarting the computer in Safe Mode. After a few minutes of typing, the virus is successfully removed, but the damage has already been done.

"Hmm... Looks Like I'll Have To Back Up To An Earlier Version Of Your System To Recover Your Files"