no longer active :(

This is a goodbye post, unfortunately. I can't keep up with this blog. My personal life and college are too hectic to maintain it. Let's be real, I was never that active anyway - but it's time to say goodbye.

I hope that some of you can carry on what I started, and make more safe and helpful spaces like this one was.

I love you all ♡

Please remember that you are important, valued and loved and your life is worth it.

Maybe some day I'll come back. Maybe not.

But until that day, goodbye.

(2/??) with him, but i never... was satisified with it? and i really only liked feeling pretty and attractive and the penetration. i had sex with men because i was lonely and i wanted to feel wanted. but sometimes i still think about doing those things...? and it almost bothers me, i never get off to the idea of being with a guy, but my brain just. generates it almost. it's a very involuntary thought and every time it happens i would so much rather it be about a girl.

(2/3)am i a genuine lesbian or do i have a strong preference? i can never imagine myself with a man seriously, and now that ive been with a woman everything makes so much more sense and i never wanna go back to being with men. my attraction to women is so much more freeing and safe and i love being with women and i love everything about them. im not so sure about men but i know that im sexually attracted to them sOMEtimes? only if theyre guys i know though... idk if im really able to call myself gay

If you have no interest in pursuing relationships with men, you're still valid. It is okay to call yourself gay. If you want to call yourself gay, and you don't want to date men now or ever, that is fine. It is up to you. If you started dating a man sometime in the future, the descriptor of lesbian wouldn't be accurate, but if you never want to date men then go ahead and call yourself a lesbian.

(2/3) I have had sexual dreams about my female friends. And after my best friend had her heart broken by her bf, I wished that I was a man so that I could be with her and make her happy. I am scared at the thought of being sexually intimate with a woman though. Because what if I am bad at it???? I have looked at porn, and tutorial videos and articles lol. It would be easier to just stick to what I know (men).

(3/3) But I’m also scared of living my whole life without exploring this side of me... and having regrets. Deep down, I truly believe that I will never marry a man. I don’t need a man to be happy. But what if I just want to be with a woman because it feels “safe” and I am lonely?

If you want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with experimenting. It is the way a lot of LGBT people find out. However, if you do keep in mind that wlw are not toys and have feelings.

As for being worried you'll be "bad at it", don't be. There is nothing you can do to make sure that you're magically amazing at it right off the bat. You've got the right idea by researching - however, porn is probably not the best place to turn.

@sapphic-sex-ed is a very good resource for your questions based around that.

Confusing the classic romance trope of "butterflies" and "feeling fuzzy" with straight up fear, nerves and anxiety is a REALLY common lesbian thing.

You can be flattered by it, that's entirely possible. You can also be anxious.

To help with your feelings around him, you can trying imagining kissing, dating, holding his hand, calling him your boyfriend, vs laughing and joking in a casual sense, doing stuff you do with your normal friends.

Yes. Those are both signs of comphet. I advise you read the masterdoc and see how much of it applies to you. It can be extremely helpful figuring out your feelings. ♡

Worries of faking being a lesbian are the most common I see in this ask box.

Wanting to be wanted and dating or flirting with men to fulfil that is a part of comphet for many lesbians.

If you would rather date a girl right now, then leave him and date a girl instead. Worries of not actually being a lesbian don't need to come into that. There is nothing wrong with experimenting. It's the way many LGBT people find out.

Forcing yourself to think about boys that way is quite commonly a part of comphet. "Testing" your attraction to men is a way for a brain to try to do a "Gotcha!" and catch you out and invalidate you. You say the concept disgusts you, and as a lesbian that can be the case.

(2) “yeah i would date him” but i wasn’t attracted to him and i think it was just because i trusted that he was a good person so he was like a good “option”? (does that make sense?) but the moment he told me he liked me i got SO uncomfortable that i just couldn’t even reply to him (i did eventually but it took a lot out of me). anyway now there’s this guy in my class who like. i know he’s 1) a nice person, 2) “attractive” (i don’t feel attraction to him but he’s a good looking dude),

(3) 3) a star athlete, and 4) he’s got good plans for the future (basically ur typical high school “Mr Perfect”) so i feel like. i know that if we ever ended up getting together i’d feel gross and back out of it like i always have done but my brain is like “no no he’s got a good head on his shoulders and he was nice to us a couple times he’s a Good Option so we must be attracted to him” and i’m FRUSTRATED because even tho i know i’m not i keep doubting myself.

(4) and on top of that any crush i ever had on a girl got so repressed and pushed down that i’m not even sure if i ever had any so i don’t have any sort of “””proof””” that i’m gay. i’m so sorry i wrote so much but i’m struggling and i had to get it out ggshdjshfj

Yes, from what I hear it is completely possible that you could be a lesbian. Your aversion to doing anything with a guy, choosing because he's a "good option", you know you aren't attracted to him.

Have a read of the masterdoc and see if it helps you in any way.

that i physically break down and sob bc i know this isn't what i want. im not attracted to men and i KNOW this but bc of my past, my head is so fucked that whenever i look at a man, i always think of submitting to him sexually and it ruins me. i think way too hard about it to the point where i CONVINCE myself that i actually enjoy being with a man and it makes me sick to my stomach and i don't know how to stop this... i just feel so invalid as a lesbian sometimes and it hurts... not to mention, im a stud (black lesbian) and i know for a fact i'd never approach a man romantically/sexually... i'm just having a really hard time and i need my lesbian sisters' comfort... i hate how my past is so persistent in my present and i always seek solace with other rape victims but... i'm still a lesbian, aren't i?

Yes.

Your sexuality is not any less valid because of your trauma.

This was also a massive issue for me. There is a section on gender and comphet in the master doc that I would advise you take a look at and see how it relates to you.