🎵 Good Sister - Bad Sister — Hole

erotic dreams about women from a young age (I thought I was aroused because the dream was sexual in nature and not because of the type of person I was dreaming about)

persistent feelings of anxiety and dread surrounding physical affection and intimacy with men (I had no prior sexual trauma but always felt deeply uncomfortable and nervous about having sex with men)

having trouble getting and staying aroused before and during physical intimacy with men (I thought I was dealing with vaginismus as a teenager and in my early twenties lol)

being aroused by the idea of myself having sex instead of the act itself or the man I was doing it with (once I accepted the fact I was a lesbian and started embracing my attraction to women my perception of sex and attraction completely changed)

family members, relatives, friends, and coworkers thought I was gay and some joked about me coming out (I didn’t date or have sex with men until I turned 18 and only believed that people thought I was gay because I was a “late bloomer”)

being aroused by virtually every female adult film star but deliberating ignoring the men (I thought everyone including heterosexual women believed women are objectively more attractive than men) (note: I am a radfem and no longer watch or support the consumption of pornography)

feeling odd or out of place in social situations with groups of primarily heterosexual women (talking about sex and relationships always felt like I was on the outside looking in - I felt a disconnect like I was different in some way I couldn’t identify)

feeling some type of way when alone with a woman in a situation or environment that would be coded as romantic if I were with a man (I thought the butterflies I felt when alone with women I believed to be objectively attractive were just nerves I had because I wanted to seem cool and make a good impression)

getting strangely emotional when defending homosexuality and arguing against homophobia (thought I was just a really good ally who truly understood)

staring at and observing women’s bodies in ways I never did with men (women are so sexualized I thought it was normal to find it hard to look away when I see an objectively attractive woman)

being aroused by pornographic videos of women masturbating by themselves (again, women are so sexualized I thought I enjoyed it because the content itself was sexual and not because I specifically liked what I saw) (see earlier note about pornography)

feeling anxiety and disgust in response to kissing men and wiping my lips immediately after (I could never focus on the moment or enjoy the way that it felt and had to intentionally avoid grimacing)

Re-reading the manga and it is very interesting to see the parallel ways in which Sakura and Sasuke are presented.

According to Naruto, Sakura is "a total babe", yet fails to note anything about her character or what else he likes about her. He is excited about her potential attention but instead she immediately yells at him without prompting.

Meanwhile, he perceives Sasuke as trying to act "cool", likely because Sasuke appears aloof and detached from the general class shenanigans. Sasuke does, however, immediately engage with him as soon as he notices Naruto staring. While his "You want something?" can (and is, by Naruto) interpreted as provocative, it is nowhere as forbidding as Sakura.

Sasuke asks Naruto a question that invites further interaction. Sakura orders (and then physically pushes) him out of the way.

Sakura wants to kiss Sasuke and views it as some sort of achievement. She seems to think that Sasuke will give her the time of day, despite the fact that he is clearly ignoring her (and likely always has been).

It's also interesting to know that only around Naruto does Sakura act more like her true self while she is uber-polite and simpering around other boys and men, like Sasuke and later also Kakashi.

Naruto has to be pushed to kiss Sasuke/engage in homosexual behaviour. He is within kissing distance - and put himself there in the first place - but neither he nor Sasuke are able to bridge that last inch.

Meanwhile, his deliberate foray into heterosexuality can only happen through subterfuge. He is seducing Sakura under false pretenses, with no concern that this will negatively impact both Sakura and Sasuke, or that a relationship like this cannot possibly have a future.

Sasuke has to be physically removed from the situation for Naruto to be heterosexual. Even if Naruto himself has to physically remove him.

And even then, Naruto's attempt of heterosexuality is interrupted. His gut feeling/explosive diarrhea is caused by something that happened earlier in the narrative: kissing Sasuke/drinking spoiled milk.

"My stomach cramped so bad, it almost broke the illusion [of being straight]," indeed.

The first time Sakura comes close to revealing her true self in front of Sasuke, by sharing her thoughts about Naruto, Sasuke goes from not caring for her to telling her she makes him sick. Yet his similarities to and understanding of Naruto are highlighted.

Sasuke is actually quite emotionally aware and expressive when he wants to be. He knows that neither his nor Naruto's facade matches what goes on inside of them. People might perceive them differently based on the way they look and conduct themselves, but emotionally they are the same.

Once he is able, Naruto goes to find Sasuke where he left him and Sasuke just... smirks. He does not seem particularly upset that Naruto tied him up and left him vulnerable. Even after the emotionally charged conversation he just had with Sakura, he doesn't appear ticked off and he merely calls Naruto a dunce - a very mild reaction to what was done to him.

Sakura beat Naruto up for accidentally kissing Sasuke, even though it had nothing to do with her. Sasuke was kissed by Naruto and then later ambushed and tied up with rope, and he seems mostly... amused? Entertained? Smug? In any case, he enjoys whatever dynamic they have going on.

Anyway, how are their canon marriages in Boruto going again?

Also, the chapter is called "Enter Sasuke". Enter him where, I wonder. In his- [the anbu agents forcibly drag me away to shot me in the back alley]

state of grace part 25

Imogen’s quiet “I’ve never liked a boy” carries the weight of years spent trying to fit. Her comp het monologue is one of the most powerful scenes this season. Not loud, not flashy, just honest.

Check out our full episode breakdown of Heartstopper S3 E8!

Watch: https://youtu.be/RdIeKlptQfw