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Hey guys! Feel free to call me CG or anything along those lines, it really doesn’t bother me too much<:

I like to start off the day with a warm cup of tea while I watch the sun rise from my window each morning…plz don’t tell me you believe that. I write when I should be in bed😃

My poetry honestly comes from google ideas my heart ❤️

But no matter where my ideas stem from, I mean what I write. This is a space for me to be honest and relate to my fellow interested readers or the wandering poet.

So let’s get personal or as much as you want to be!

‘There’s no one better at being you than yourself ' but I don’t even want to be myself.

‘Me’ wants to be that classmate that sits nearby, passing their high GPA off as “average”.

‘Me’ wants to be that person from the gym who gets scouted as a model on random Tuesday afternoons.

‘Me’ wants the person that lights up the room effortlessly and make a change.

But I can’t even change myself.

I am none of that, nor do I know the backstage of those who I want to be.

I do not care to find out.

I’ll only change my mind.

To find a sliver of closure in my consciousness, I say to myself, “I work hard and have grit.”

Yeah?

Well, so does the neighbor’s kid next door.

They’re in college at 16, and what am I?

Trying to be like them.

I have common self-esteem issues and an idea of how to not burn eggs in a frying pan.

But maybe the name I carry can still mean something if I stopped wishing it belonged to someone else.

Because apparently I have something that no one else does even if nobody

Not my counselors, the founders of that statement,

Not my family,

Not my friends,

Nor myself, the one who should know,

Can figure it out.

So maybe the vending machine is honest

It breaks, and it tells you… maybe

No pretty lies, no forced smiles on flashing screens

It doesn’t pretend to be working while stealing your change

It doesn’t label suffering as “policy” or call survival “choice.”

You kick the machine—it stays broken

You protest the system—it adjusts the price

Bonus points if it’s in your favor

What makes the world more dangerous

Is that it still works

Broken and bleeding, it still works

Because, unfortunately, a cog is sometimes all you are

A replaceable one at that

Fueled by backs that break quietly—Or loudly

It doesn’t really matter

It’s a tree in a forest

Water in an ocean

Here, dreams are mortgaged for someone else’s latte

But hey, at least the machine doesn’t smile

Sometimes it is hard to explain

Why do our lives become unraveled into simplicity

But remain tangled in complexity

Why does the veil of ignorance become blissful oblivion?

The vivid to pastel emotions we once spread across the canvas of our life are muted

As if you go back to the day your brush was still on the market

We comply with the ways of indifference,

A feeling we never intended but now can’t escape

It descends like a fog,

A haze that blurs the world's faults

Where nothing stirs beneath the log,

No worries

No results

A heart that does not understand

The suffering of another,

Is a heart that's soon made bland

That accompanies the shell made

The daily task of mindedly upholding

Has created this path of silent indifference

It’s not a mindful struggle or a daunting task to climb the mountain

It’s a faithful leap across oceans you’re sure to fall into

Seek to understand the little moments,

Where life pulses with vigor

Open your eyes, observe, and labor

Woe to those who overlook it

But never again will you have to endure the tears

Take back your life and bask in its glory

Pick up your palette

Be liberated from the lonesome path of indifference.

It does not bring peace,

Rather, a barren wasteland,

Where fear and strife blossom like weeds, albeit indistinctly

Where hope fades into oblivion

So let us not be numb to it,

Let us not be so cold,

But strive to show a bit of wit,

Should’ve been made a while ago but I finally had a come to Jesus moment when I got tired of scrolling to find my poems🥳

This is for me you babes 😉

Excuses and Denial

Karma

Table of 6

Do You Remember?

Flower of Confidence

My Thoughts

It’s Only…

Indifference

Negativity

Greener On The Other Side

Physical Attraction

Not Enough

There’s not enough happiness to keep me high

There’s not enough sadness for me to avoid punishment

There’s not enough resentment to keep myself from making the same mistakes

There’s not enough confidence to support my head hung low

There’s not enough faith for me to feel insured

But that’s not enough to keep me from trying

That’s not enough to keep me from wanting

There’s not enough dreams that I don’t want to pursue

It's beautiful.

It's something I can feel

Something I can hold 

Something I can admire for hours 

It won't fade until the untimely death snatches it from me

That first touch felt like spark

Like a moment of achievement 

But then it soon fizzled out

The gold platted trophy rusted 

Now it feels hollow 

The greediness I felt to grasp that something now felt like a chain impossible to break 

My shoulder felt the tug of shame, holding onto that something as I realized shallowness of my heart

It was beautiful 

It's something I can hold

Maybe one day I'll realize the grass isn't greener on the other side 

And I'll start to take my watering can to the yard

Maybe one day I'll learn that patience is everything 

But nothing at the same time

Maybe one day I'll stop greedily eyeing my neighbor's yard  instead of weeding my own

Maybe one day I'll have the courage to show off the green grass of mine without the artificial extensions

Maybe one day I'll pay attention to the weeds 

And understand the difference between a Spotted Knapweed and a Wild Bergamot 

Until I realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side

My watering can will continue to collect dust 

Until I realize the grass isn't greener on the other side

I will continue add the artificial grass and pluck the Wild Bergamots

When I realize the grass isn't greener on the other side

Lately, it feels like if information is negative it must be true. 

If information is positive, it must be some scam or false hope

I don't wish to be negative

Yet they say the truth will set me free

But I don't feel free

At least not mentally

I am bound by the shackles of uncertainty 

The shackles of dreading what's next

I used to have so many questions

I would plunge into life's uncertainties with wild ambition

But now I don't want to hear the answers

I'd rather you hate me.

When my life is falling apart without you, feel free to laugh.

Feel free to dance in glee and tell me that I had it coming.

Think your worst about me.

Slight me when you get the chance, I won't complain.

When I pass by, look at me, and tell me what you feel.

Feel free to curse me before sleep and curse me before I awake.

Because, at the end of the day, at least you still care.

You care enough to hate me and think about me.

Maybe if I tried my luck, I could go back in time and fix my mistakes.

And maybe then, you wouldn't think to hate me.

Maybe I could obtain your forgiveness somehow and someway.

All I beg from you, is to never show me the pain of indifference.

Not the agony of not a single call or text

Not the agony of a silent voice

Not the pain of indifference 

When you tell me that you don't need me, I do not cry, nor do I refute because you are right. 

I am not food, water, oxygen, or your life support. 

You don't need me. 

It's only logical.

When you tell me to leave, I do. 

Should I wait for you yell until I get the message?

No. 

It's only respectful.

Yet when I see you by yourself, on your own, I can't help but to come talk to you. 

I stay, sit, listen, and wait until you're ready to face the world again… and maybe change. 

Yet, when I reach for your hand hoping to be helped up, I am greeted by the sight of you shaking hands with another.

I do not cry, nor do I refute, but I can't help the hand that claw at my face and the teeth the gnaw on the inside of my cheeks.

In all honesty, I know that this is my fault.

It shouldn’t have gotten this far.

I like to hang around with my thoughts. 

Inviting them to my sleepover,

I let some sleep on a King sized bed 

And let others sleep on the floor

Yet, when I wake up in the morning, I wonder why I feel so down.

I like to hang around with my thoughts. 

I save some of them a seat next to me

But then I wonder why I failed my test.

I like to hang around my thoughts.

I bring some them to my first job interview as support.

But when I bomb my interview and look to my thoughts for support, there was no 'Try again next time' or 'Don't give up!' 

It was the single line saying 'I knew it' 

I planted a flower seed.

But, no matter how much I watered it or gave it sunlight, the petals wouldn't bloom and the stem never grew.

It remained a fragile sapling, yet even that was an overestimate.

Eventually, I gave up. 

That flower would never bloom come rain or shine.

So, I carved a flower out of a rock, painted it with vibrant colors, and stuck it in a flower pot.

It stood proud and never wavered under storms.

So proud was I of this stone flower. 

Yet, when people saw it, there was no look of awe or amusement on their faces.

Instead, the same old question blurted out their mouths.

"Where is your flower?"

I would hold out my flower pot with my stone carved flower and say, "It's here. Right in front of you. Can't you see?"

But no, they couldn't see or rather, they could see. 

My flower was fake. 

No twisting or bending or reality could change that.

Do you remember the rain?

Of course you do.

But do you also remember the sun? When it shines down on you, do you remember that?

Maybe.

Do you remember how the stars and how magnificently twinkled in the partly cloudy sky?

No.

Or do you remember the thunder and lightning? The same thunder and  lightning that shook you to your core each time it roared?

Absolutely.

Do you remember the strong gusts of wind? How it blew and caused trees to shake and worries to fill your mind wondering if it was hurricane season?

Most definitely. 

But do you also remember when the sun stayed in bed and covered its glory by the clouds? 

Do you remember when the stars let their confidence go and dimmed themselves in the clear sky?

Do you remember when the wind stood still and let the humidity make the outdoors unbearable?

During a blank period in my life, I sat at this rectangular table of mine and waited for the remaining five seats to fill. 

Eventually, they did. 

As time went on, a chair space became void and then quickly refilled with someone new.

Unbeknownst to me, a second rectangular table appeared next to mine. And, once again, the void chair spaces populated.

When I finally looked around, populated tables appeared all around me with people I knew but with people I also didn't know.

Just then, when I looked toward my original table, I realized that I didn't know them either. 

The chairs continued to become void then fill themselves faster and faster. 

With each new person, I knew less and less. Knowing their face as a minimum became easily overlooked. 

I was often told about Karma and the idea of  'What goes around comes around'

And I believed it.

So, when he cheated on me, and she alienated me along with her friends, and they didn't stop laughing, I said nothing.

I did nothing. I didn't cry, I didn't complain, and I didn't get angry. I did nothing.

Karma would do something. He would be cheated on, and she along with her friends with be alienated too. 

So, I waited for Karma. But it didn't come.

He became a multimillionaire with a sea of girls after him.

And she and her friends became immensely popular online with millions of followers ready to line themselves at their door for an autograph. Their circle of online friends spread over the seven sea.

Where was the Karma? One became a millionaire, and the other became popular, yet I became an average civilian trying to keep up with these Kardashians. Did I really let go every wrongdoing only for the wrongdoer to be rewarded?

A/N: As much as I like writing fiction, I also enjoy writing poetry! Here’s a little poem for all the poetry fans out there! (This a direct copy from my Wattpad account: CantGenerateaplot)

When life gave me a yacht, I took the wooden raft

The raft that had wood decomposing and string hanging on for dear life

And I deemed it better

When I floated in the ocean, not a single care crossed paths with me

Then, when the ocean made waves higher than my eye could see and crashed onto me with such viciousness, I complained and wondered why I was in such a state

What did I do to deserve such acts?

I hoped for a yacht, floating on the remains of a raft.

And then one came.

It was white with gold outline

Pristine, if you will

And, without a second thought, I paddled my feet to move me in the opposite direction

The cycled repeated again, then once more, until the weight of my actions could no longer support the consequences.