Amber🏳️‍⚧️

this is my first post how cool is that!! i guess ill introduce myself or whatever and then pin it if im able to..

yay im hetting lots of interactions!! woohoo!!

another beautiful sunset

sometimes i htink of dying

this stuff where people are saying like boy lesbians is confusing

i just watched a dog training video that i think can be applied to me with some sad music playing over it

i remember having a dream once. it started off with me exploring some abandoned factory. i ended up on top of it, watching the sun come up as i had gone late at night. a lone woman came up, probably a few years older than myself, and said hi to me before taking a seat nearby. her name was Elizabeth, and she also worked at a fast food place. we spoke for a long time, and i ended up telling her my life story, starting with my treated my family as if i was the only one he actually cared for after falling into heavy drug abuse, running away with my mother at 3, finding a new life at 4 and the three seperate times at 7, 11, and 16 i had that life ripped away from me because of my mothers drug abuse. i told her about how ive never really felt loved or felt real love for someone before, and how i spend every day with the lingering feeling of dreading the idea that maybe ill never find that feeling of love in my life. as if ive done something wrong and deserve all this. she listened all the way through my rant until i got to the current day, just a few weeks ago, and the only thing she said was "you poor, sweet girl.." and gave me a hug. i woke up crying, and then cried harder after realizing that, once again, much like any affection ive recieved from others, was entirely fabricated in my own mind. i feel like im in purgatory, and theres just a constant, deafening and mind numbing need to have someone to hold me through it all, and i am constantly being reminded that i will not get that anytime soon. its painful.

i need the girl in my life

i need to lose weight ASAP, im 6'2 and weigh 270lbs. i dont feel like im so fat i need to lose weight, and i know lots of women would cherish the state im in and absolutely adore me for it, but i cant look at myself and say im proud of what i see if that makes sense. for me being a girl is more like smaller clothes smaller sizes smaller body petite and cute and pretty and everyone likes you because youre a pretty girl. thats what i wish i could be but because of the absolute prison i was born into i feel like i can never have that.