the man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one

♪ [explosion] ♪

the only m!a that i ever wanna think about is the one that gave me the kurt russell santa beard

im being chased by a huge four tier fondant cake but its got really strong human legs and is holding an actual gun

@trainstabbin i dont bike in la theyll squish me to death with their cars my whole point of running is that i get to take to the rooftops cause theres no damn traffic up there

i ate shit on my run like last weekend and my back still hurts i love my 30s

i think pomme grenade is my fruitsona name actually

hey is pomegranate pronounced like pomme grenade or nah

if i ever really start copyrighting my shit yall can take me out back

theres a timeline out there where colonel sanders is my lifelong alien nemesis and i have the hots for betty crocker

yeah i was right she actually was married to a colonel decades ago lmao im gonna get myself killed