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AnasAbdin
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will byers stan first human second
oozey mess
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Claire Keane
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JVL
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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@comettaills
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For archival purposes, tags are as follows:
#img - posts with images
#txt - text-only posts, no images
#irl happenings - talking about lived experiences
#thoughts - mental landscape stuff, like anxieties or dreams
#my ben - my kittyyy
#meat - pictures or thoughts of my body
#yummers - food pictures
#greenspace - flora and fauna pictures
#donoteat - not safe for work pictures of myself, sexual or unsexual in nature
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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061826. watched some queer movies, one of which being The Watermelon Woman. found my thoughts straying to B. i donāt know, exactly, if sheās a woman. she hasnāt said. but she likes feminine clothing and she/her pronouns and to be called pretty and princess. soā¦ something adjacent. adjacent enough that i can let myself think of her in ways i wasnāt allowed to think of E. it feelsā¦ good, to exist in a sapphic context again. warm and fortifying.
this evening is perhaps the most like my identity that i have felt in a long time. my name and body fit. nothing like queer empowerment to get the heart beating again
061626. what is wrong with me. i spend hours upon hours feeling like someone i love is dying, feeling scared and nauseous and hopeless like something horrible is happeningā¦ and continuing on with my day. humming along to music, working in the fume hood, making small talk with people like iām not begging every second to just go home.
am i? it doesnt matter, does it? my behavior never changes and i get the work done and i never bring it up, and if i can be so normal then is anything really wrong?
061626. predictably, my mood improved after lunch like i was never unhappy in the first place
061626. what is wrong with me. i spend hours upon hours feeling like someone i love is dying, feeling scared and nauseous and hopeless like something horrible is happeningā¦ and continuing on with my day. humming along to music, working in the fume hood, making small talk with people like iām not begging every second to just go home.
am i? it doesnt matter, does it? my behavior never changes and i get the work done and i never bring it up, and if i can be so normal then is anything really wrong?
061526. sunday funk has extended into monday. itās beautiful outside, sunny and cool and invigorating at any other time. i remember that mindfulness is supposed to help, and i try to be grateful for the beauty i see on my way to work, but it feels like somewhere between my eyes and my heart it all vanishes. all the life is too bright; i want to block it all out and not exist.
check: recognize self image, identify with name
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
061526. sunday funk has extended into monday. itās beautiful outside, sunny and cool and invigorating at any other time. i remember that mindfulness is supposed to help, and i try to be grateful for the beauty i see on my way to work, but it feels like somewhere between my eyes and my heart it all vanishes. all the life is too bright; i want to block it all out and not exist.
061226. there it isā¦.. the life ive always wantedā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..
061126. the fatty triangleā¦ā¦ā¦
061126. hmm. hmm. regardless of What It Is in dsm-5 terms, there are multipleā¦ mindsets i have. distinctly. and the mindset that recognizes myself in the mirror wants to accentuate my tits.
but the mindset that i get into at other times haaates my soft chest and having to deal with it (which, bro why).
and it makes me think about that post thats likeā¦ ādont do anything to your body for a fetish that will make you miserable in your lifeā.
and like. what if you disagree with yourself on the topic. what then
061126. heās comforting
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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061126. summer is an awful time to have a panic attack. too hot to hunker down anywhere
061026. this car feels significant. iām having a weird day
061026. oh! thatās the difference! when i am present i look at the floor or else specific things. when i am Having This, i stare straight ahead and take in whole rooms like scenes. relatedly the lighting in the fridge is very cool.
check: does not respond to name or recognize mirror
061026. basically the instant i got into the cleanroom my mood changed from Miserable to chill and focused. feels like that more confident version of me again, the one that can banter with coworkers but isnt so attached to the people at home. dwelled on oddly-sensory memories of searching for a new house last year while i worked. no longer begging to go home. strange, how it all flips so fastā¦
061026. this car feels significant. iām having a weird day
061026. oh! thatās the difference! when i am present i look at the floor or else specific things. when i am Having This, i stare straight ahead and take in whole rooms like scenes. relatedly the lighting in the fridge is very cool.
check: does not respond to name or recognize mirror
061026. this car feels significant. iām having a weird day
bizarre little moment today. was wiping things into the cleanroom and thinking about how i had been grumpy this morning, maybe because i hadnāt been getting enough light recently; past two days ive had the lights off while compounding. immediate, and i mean IMMEDIATE almost in-response(??) feeling of disconnect. looked up to the overhead lights and let my hands still do their work without my input. got that feeling where i just stare blankly because everything outside feels underwater and thereās not internal distress so much as this feeling of tension behind my sternum. hands got noticeably more clumsy and uncoordinated because they were doing their own thing. felt like i just got abruptly kicked to the back seat for no reason??? it only lasted 5 minutes or so but hey. what was that.
check: dont recognize the person in the mirror. still responds to my usual name
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
bizarre little moment today. was wiping things into the cleanroom and thinking about how i had been grumpy this morning, maybe because i hadnāt been getting enough light recently; past two days ive had the lights off while compounding. immediate, and i mean IMMEDIATE almost in-response(??) feeling of disconnect. looked up to the overhead lights and let my hands still do their work without my input. got that feeling where i just stare blankly because everything outside feels underwater and thereās not internal distress so much as this feeling of tension behind my sternum. hands got noticeably more clumsy and uncoordinated because they were doing their own thing. felt like i just got abruptly kicked to the back seat for no reason??? it only lasted 5 minutes or so but hey. what was that.
060926. noticed this yesterday after work. pretty, the way it loses its pigmentation in stripes