29 years ago I was able to put down the bottle and start over. I had finally admitted that I was lying to myself and the man in the mirror that I was not who I really wanted to be. I had to admit to that man that I was at fault for all the problems that besieged me, not my parents, not my school teachers, not the bullies that had beaten me regularly during school, me. And ONLY me. I caused an accident by driving drunk. I said I would never do that again. But I lied to the man in the mirror. Thank god I did not hurt anyone. I walked a block in January sub zero Michigan weather at 2:30am to the Holland, MI. Police station to report the accident, because that was the Right thing to do, knowing I would spend the night there and would pay the price. I blew a .18 bac. And I was charged. And that began my self reckoning. AA was ordered by the court and I went and I listened and learned all those people said the same shit that I had been thinking. And I realized I was the problem. If your not part of the solution......... Thank you South Holland Mi. AA for teaching me the truth about the Definition of Insanity (look it up), without that I would not be here, alive and the person I have turned into. And thank you to all the people who gave me a thoughtful ear when I needed it, I owe my life to you all. You know who you are. And I apologize to all I wronged while a raging closet drunk, you unfortunetly know who you are. If you are struggling with addiction, find a group and go until it hurts, and then go some more until it does not hurt so much. And then keep going, they will become family and then you will learn of the acceptance for who you are, not for who society thinks you should be. And you will live and maybe turn into who YOU wanted to be. If you do not, you will die a slow, painful, self inflicted death. I want to thank all those who help people like me, without you, I could not have had all the good things that have come to me since I learned that only I am ultimately in charge of what happens to me. You know who you are and I raise my coffee cup to you. If you have ever truly listened to "Wall of Denial" by Stevie Ray Vaughan and felt the emotion, then you understand. If not, please do so. Thank you to all my Brothers and Sisters in sobriety and sanity. 😍
