Country Boy Grunt

Politics·Jun 8, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

LOS ANGELES, CA — After the latest ballot drop, Los Angeles officials released an updated vote tally showing candidate Spencer Pratt was now sitting at negative one billion votes.

Initially notching 190,000 votes on the day of the primary election, Pratt lost thousands of votes with each new ballot drop, and then made history overnight by being the first candidate ever to reach a negative number.

"We know this will come as a disappointment to Pratt supporters, but the tally now stands at 202,000 votes for Raman, and negative one billion for Pratt," announced Los Angeles election official Dean Garner. "It's the darndest thing, all those negative votes. I know things looked a little different on election day, but this is why in California, we take our time to do things right."

Pratt's campaign argued that negative votes were a physical impossibility, but to no avail.

"There are those who would question the outcome of this election or how the votes were tallied. Those people clearly hate democracy," said Mayor Karen Bass. "Fascist forces may try to disenfranchise the billion people in Los Angeles who cast negative ballots against Pratt, but I assure everyone that I will never let that happen. Your votes are safe and secure on my watch."

Many countries have condemned Tehran’s tactics as a challenge to freedom of navigation. In a joint statement, the leaders of Britain, France, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, Japan and Canada stated they were “strongly concerned" by Iran’s attacks on unarmed commercial vessels, mine-laying and attempts to disrupt shipping, and called on Tehran to “cease immediately" such threats in order to uphold international law and keep the vital sea lane open. France’s President Emmanuel Macron also urged Iran to halt regional attacks and “restore Hormuz navigation," underscoring that freedom of passage through this chokepoint is essential for global trade.

At the same time, the United States has stepped up its military posture in the region to counter perceived Iranian efforts to impede maritime traffic. US forces have deployed aircraft such as A-10 Warthogs and Apache helicopters to target Iranian drones, fast boats and mine-laying activities, actions that US commanders have described as integral to countering threats in and around Hormuz.