is this where i put my things at? @coldwastelanddonut - Tumblr Blog

“At first, heartbreak made me beautiful. My skin fluoresced. I hypnotized trees. The orphans followed me around town, drunk on my pain. I ate only my own hunger, gave off a scent like bitter oranges or chlorine. Loss left me strangely whole, as if my sadness, were it strong enough, could turn your ship around. Now, like an astronomer who seeks no first causes, but only to map the connections pinned out over the sea, I want to diagram the light that shines out through the holes you pricked into me.” -Maureen Thorson (Taken with Instagram)

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i-wrote-you-a-poem

grief, i’ve learned, is really just love. it’s all the love you want to give but cannot. all that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and the hollow part of your chest. grief is just love with no place to go.

-1:25am

draculasdaughter

Cabinet cards and postcards “women & moon”, Luminous-Lint, 1890s - 1920s.

bremmmmm

“What I advise you to do is, not to be unhappy before the crisis comes; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality. Some things torment us more than they ought; some torment us before they ought; and some torment us when they ought not to torment us at all. We are in the habit of exaggerating, or imagining, or anticipating, sorrow. It is likely that some troubles will befall us; but it is not a present fact. How often has the unexpected happened! How often has the expected never come to pass! And even though it is ordained to be, what does it avail to run out to meet your suffering?”

— Seneca, Letters from a Stoic (via exhaled-spirals)

aspiritualwarrior

“Learning to pause is the first step in the practice of Radical Acceptance. A pause is a suspension of activity, a time of temporary disengagement when we are no longer moving toward any goal… . The pause can occur in the midst of almost any activity and can last for an instant, for hours or for seasons of our life… . We may pause in the midst of meditation to let go of thoughts and reawaken our attention to the breath. We may pause by stepping out of daily life to go on a retreat or to spend time in nature or to take a sabbatical… . You might try it now: Stop reading and sit there, doing “no thing,” and simply notice what you are experiencing.”

— Tara Brach

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etherdiabolus

The Three Steps of Witchcraft

P.S. “Foundation Meditation” : Breathe in while visualizing and willing white light in and around you. Make it stronger and brighter with every inhale.

zenmister

Why Suffer?

The universe, in its infinite wisdom, created suffering. The universe and suffering arise simultaneously. Suffering, in its infinite wisdom, created the universe.

The main reason that we suffer is that we don’t have an option. We simply suffer. Things hurt. If you want to find a reason for your suffering, you can come up with one. You probably already have one. You have several. There is an endless list of what can make you suffer. You can suffer from love, wealth, justice, smells, noises, thoughts, loss, boredom, excitement, life or death. You can suffer from not knowing what is making you suffer.

Suffering is a part of life, but it is also a habit. It is not the only reaction there is to pain. It is one reaction. We don’t choose to suffer. We invariably choose to do things that will ease our suffering. What we often choose to do to ease our suffering does not work and can lead to more suffering. Drugs, food, sex, entertainment, are all things we reach for to ease our suffering, but they provide temporary relief at best.

To find relief from suffering we have to forget about relief from suffering. We have to accept our own suffering. We have to see that our suffering comes from within us. It is our reaction to the world around us. To change our habitual reaction, we have to remind ourselves that we can work within our suffering. When we begin to work directly with our suffering, it loses its edge.

If we imagine that somebody has made us angry, we will be angry for a long time. If we imagine that we have become angry because of our own anger habit, we approach our anger from a different angle. We work within our anger and it loses its edge.

When you notice yourself suffering, remember that suffering is something you are adding to the circumstances. Feel what feelings are actually there beneath the suffering. See what thoughts come with the suffering. Notice if the thoughts are about yourself. Notice if the thoughts are about somebody else. Notice if the thoughts are about the past or future. After you have recognized suffering and observed your thoughts and feelings, take a moment to be right where you are and see how the suffering changes.

If you notice that you are suffering and you get frustrated with yourself for suffering, that is creating suffering. If you notice that you are suffering, remind yourself that there are other possible reactions and actively change your suffering habit. Why suffer if there are options?

theemotionmachine

Reframing Your Dark Side: Embracing Your Shadow Is Key to Genuine Mental Health

Why is it important to embrace our “dark side” every now and then? Discover the power of negative emotions, stress and anxiety, and even “Dark Triad” personality traits.

Ultimately, if you can accept and learn from your “dark side,” you can channel it in a more healthy and constructive direction.

Click here to learn more!

hieromonkcharbel-deactivated202

The drunkard will never believe that there are many men who do not even drink wine. He that is lascivious will never believe that there are men who entirely refrain from carnal intercourse. A man who is oppressed by a certain lust will never believe that there is someone who is not oppressed by this lust at all, even though he may be disquieted by others. And a man chronically ill will never believe that there can be a body that is not harassed by illnesses. Such, then, are those who are unable to completely overcome the struggles waged in the mind. They will find consolation in saying that there is no man who is entirely liberated from being defeated by these things. And they do not believe at all that there are men in whom the love of Christ has overpowered the weakness of nature and who totally despise the body and the love thereof, whose mind is not shaken away from its joy in Christ, who have not yielded to being overcome by the violent opposition from the side of the body, and that divine gifts have triumphed over the impotence of human nature.

St. Isaac the Syrian

healing-phoenix

How to Tune into Your Needs

If you grew up emotionally neglected or abused, you may have developed the belief that your needs are not important and that you are selfish for having them. You may even automatically put others before yourself without thinking, as it has been so engrained in you. Here are some tips for how to tune into yourself, and begin putting your needs first:

1. Use your feelings as your guide. If you’re feeling angry, sad, frustrated, etc, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” You may not even be sure of what you’re feeling… maybe you can only pick up on feeling something “bad” or “uncomfortable.” Explore it. Find the roots. Honor your feelings. Because our feelings are indicators of our values and boundaries, and when they are being violated.

2. Recognize your self-doubt, if you have it. Many victims of abuse or neglect have become wired to believe they are “bad” or at fault for anything unpleasant or hurtful that happens. Doubt can become the fog between you and your needs. Using mindfulness, separate your self-doubt from who you are. You are not your self-doubt. You are worthy. You are good. You are enough. These are truths, but you have been brainwashed to believe otherwise.

3. Take time to build self-awareness into yourself and why you struggle with meeting your needs. Usually it is because of your childhood and how your parents raised you that have caused you to become that way–Mom called you selfish and shamed you. Dad neglected or left you. Explore your story, and give voice to the feelings that come up.

4. Make a practice into telling yourself frequently, “My needs are important,” and “I will honor my needs.” Everyone has needs. Everyone. While everyone else is advocating for theirs, it is up to you to advocate for yours. Repetition and practice will re-wire your brain from “My needs aren’t important” to “My needs ARE important and deserve to be heard.”

5. Practice tuning into yourself throughout the day. Ask yourself, how am I feeling right now? What do I need? Be patient with yourself, especially in the beginning. It may be difficult hearing yourself initially, but the more you tune in, the more you’ll be able to recognize your inner voice.

6. Make sure to have support! At times dealing with the feelings that come up may be overwhelming–like a beginner starting out on a 10-mile run. But take one step at a time. Having the support of a therapist or loved one will help you through the process. Remind yourself that you’re building a new skill from scratch. You can do it!

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onlinecounsellingcollege

Learning to Love Yourself

We tend to focus on looking for love, hoping for love, and waiting for love. Yet if we look to others to meet that basic need then we’ll always be empty and unfulfilled.

That is, for others to love us in a healthy way, we must first be able to nurture ourselves … and to love and honour who we truly are. The steps below can help you work towards this goal.

1. Decide to treat others with love and respect: As you seek to bring joy into others’ lives you’ll find that they repay you with kindness and love.

2. Practice random acts of kindness: “Play it forward” by doing random thoughtful things. That will turn you into someone you respect yourself – and you’ll also find that others are more generous to you.

3. Let go of the past: What happened in the past is merely history now. Today is a new day, and you are starting a new page. Let go of disappointments, hurts and any grievances you hold against yourself, other people – or the world!

4. Forgive yourself: We all make mistakes, or we regret some bad decisions. Don’t ridicule, berate or criticise yourself for that. Instead, forgive whatever happened, and give yourself a break. It simply means you’re human – and are not infallible.

5. Practice positive self-talk: Write down and repeat affirming statements and truths … like “I am gifted” … or “I’m a true and loyal friend”. Post these statements on the mirror and repeat them to yourself.

6. Think through what you really want in life – You can carve out your own path and you choose your own destiny. Your life is a gift and you can choose what you will do.

7. Be persistent: Work wholeheartedly at loving yourself. If you’ve suffered in the past then be compassionate. Be ready to acknowledge and work through your pain. You deserve that respect – and it will help to set you free.

8. Celebrate your accomplishments: It’s easy to ignore or to downplay what we have done – but don’t be blind to your successes and accomplishments. They ought to be acknowledged as they’re part of who you are.

9. Think of someone you want to be like and emulate them: Doing that will build those qualities into your life as well – so it is easier to like, love and accept yourself.

10. Be yourself and trust yourself: Be true to yourself – and don’t care what others think. Learn to trust your instincts and to follow your own heart. Also, learn it’s OK to say “no” and to do your own thing … And you don’t have to feel guilty for not pleasing everyone.

11. Don’t compare yourself to others: Every person on the planet is different and unique. We all have different talents and different histories. Discover who YOU are and then invest in being you!

12. Work on receiving love: When someone pays you a compliment or tries to show you love, don’t quickly brush it off – but try and see it as a gift. That is, a gift that shows you’ve value and are loved, and loveable.

whimsycore

COVID is straight up more deadly for people of color in the western world. Like we’re not going to be the ones screened. If you have mild symptoms they’ll say you’re overreacting. I know especially black people are more at risk because we have a 20% higher chance of having Asthma. 40-60% higher chance of having lupus. And Especially Indigenous and Black people have a History in the US of being denied healthcare

mmelaninmedicine-deactivated202

One of the things I’ve learned as a healthcare provider and a person of color is the strongest words you can use against any medical provider is “ I want it documented in my chart that you are refusing to test me OR that you deem this test unnecessary.” The most important part is getting a copy of your discharge paperwork with those words written. Everything in our notes is permissible in court and in healthcare we have a strong saying “ if you didn’t document it then it didn’t happen”. I’d love to say that 99% of physicians do believe they are doing the right thing or making the right judgement call and do not mean any malice or have ill intent towards any patient regardless of the persons race or socioeconomic status but we all know that shit just isn’t true. Trust your healthcare providers but if you don’t feel heard try explaing that to them and if not you can always ask to speak to another provider for a second opinion. We all have bosses just like you do.

randomfandomteacher

Black residents make up only 23% of the population in Cook County, yet they account for more than half of the COVID-19 deaths. A retired nur

ancientghostgirlie

John Bel Edwards said the 'disturbing' trend is something the state wants to get under control

bundibird

The other thing about requesting they write thst they're refusing treatment/don't think the treatment is needed/etc is that, half the time, they'll just say "fuck it" and give you the test, because they'd rather do a test that they think is unnecessary than have you holding a piece of paper stating that you were denied treatment.

Regardless of whether they genuinely think you don't need the test, or if they're just being lazy or racist or etc, they will much prefer to do the test than legally record that they refused you treatment.

aloneandforsakenbyfateandbyman

Illness as Metaphor by Susan Sontag, 1978

lazyyogi

“At the core of the false self is a void of deficiency derived from an essential turning away from one’s own divinity, either out of natural development, despair, or simply by succumbing to the trance of the world with all its masks of deception and harsh obligation to conform to its insanity. The false self orbits around this vacuous abyss at its core, in silent terror of its nameless, faceless threat of oblivion.”

— Adyashanti

konjurx

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tomasorban

72 Genii or Names or angels of God

“Early Kabalist practitioners reported that after periods of meditating upon the Hebrew alphabet, the letters came to life and began talking. Others said they saw the letters grow wings and fly from the surface of the page. Even if your experience is less dramatic, perhaps the letters will speak quietly to you. According to Jewish tradition the ancient Kabalist, Rabbi Shimon bar Yokhai writes in the Zohar that it was Moses, not God, who parted the Red Sea allowing the Jews to narrowly escape Pharaoh and the Egyptian army. Moses had a special formula. The formula that he used to overcome the laws of nature was hidden in the Zohar for 2,000 years. This formula is called the 72 Names of God. The 72 Names are not really names, as human names are. The 72 Names are 72 three-letter sequences composed of Hebrew letters that have the extraordinary power to overcome the laws of both mother and human nature. These 72 sequences are actually encoded into the Bible story that tells of the parting of the Red Sea as described at Exodus 14:19-21. They are like conduits that transmit various blends of energy from the Light into our physical world. By using the power of the 72 Names and overcoming their reactive natures, Moses and the Jews were able to accomplish the miracle of the Red Sea. The shapes, sounds, sequences, and vibrations of the 72 names radiate a wide range of energy forces. The Light they emit purifies our hearts. Their spiritual influence cleanses destructive impulses from our natures. Their sacred energy removes rash and intolerant emotions, fear, and anxiety from our beings. The Hebrew letters are instruments of power. In fact, the Hebrew word for “letter” actually means pulse or vibration, indicating a flow of energy. The Hebrew alphabet transcends religion, race, geography, and the very concept of language. The three letters signify three spiritual forces—a positive charge, a negative charge, and a ground wire—to create a circuit of energy.”

Correspondence to Astrology

1- 0° - 5° Aries - VEHUIAH - Will and New Beginnings 2- 5° - 10° Aries - JELIEL - Love and Wisdom 3- 10° - 15° Aries - SITAEL - Construction of the Universe/Worlds 4- 15° to 20° Aries - ELEMIAH - Divine Power 5- 20° to 25° Aries - MAHASIAH - Rectification 6- 25° to 30° Aries - LELAHEL - Light of Understanding 7- 0° to 5° Taurus - ACHAIAH - Patience 8- 5° to 10° Taurus - CAHETEL - Divine Blessings 9- 10° to 15° Taurus - HAZIEL - Divine Mercy and Forgiveness 10- 15° to 20° Taurus - ALADIAH - Divine Grace 11- 20° to 25° Taurus - LAUVIAH - Victory 12- 25° to 30° Taurus - HAHAIAH - Refuge, Shelter 13- 0° to 5° Gemini - YEZALEL - Fidelity, Loyalty and Allegiance 14- 5° to 10° Gemini - MEBAHEL - Truth, Liberty and Justice 15- 10° to 15° Gemini - HARIEL - Purification 16- 15° to 20° Gemini - HAKAMIAH - Loyalty 17- 20° to 25° Gemini - LAVIAH - Revelation 18- 25° to 30° Gemini - CALIEL - Justice 19- 0° to 5° Cancer - LEUVIAH - Expansive Intelligence/Fruition 20- 5° to 10° Cancer - PAHALIAH - Redemption 21- 10° to 15° Cancer - NELCHAEL - Ardent Desire to Learn 22- 15° to 20° Cancer - YEIAYEL - Fame, Renown 23- 20° to 25° Cancer - MELAHEL - Healing Capacity 24- 25° to 30° Cancer - HAHEUIAH - Protection 25- 0° to 5° Leo - NITH-HAIAH - Spiritual Wisdom and Magic 26- 5° to 10° Leo - HAAIAH - Political Science and Ambition 27- 10° to 15° Leo - YERATEL - Propagation of Light 28- 15° to 20° Leo - SEHEIAH - Longevity 29- 20° to 25° Leo - REIYEL - Liberation 30- 25° to 30° Leo - OMAEL - Fertility, Multiplicity 31- 0° to 5° Virgo - LECABEL - Intellectual Talent 32- 5° to 10° Virgo - VASARIAH - Clemency and Equilibrium 33- 10° to 15° Virgo - YEHUIAH - Subordination to Higher Order 34- 15° to 20° Virgo - LEHAHIAH - Obedience 35- 20° to 25° Virgo - CHEVAKIAH - Reconciliation 36- 25° to 30° Virgo - MENADEL - Inner/Outer Work 37- 0° to 5° Libra - ANIEL - Breaking the Circle 38- 5° to 10° Libra - HAAMIAH - Ritual and Ceremony 39- 10° to 15° Libra - REHAEL - Filial Submission 40- 15° to 20° Libra - YEIAZEL - Divine Consolation and Comfort 41- 20° to 25° Libra - HAHAHEL - Mission 42- 25° to 30° Libra - MIKHAEL - Political Authority and Order 43- 0° to 5° Scorpio - VEULIAH - Prosperity 44- 5° to 10° Scorpio - YELAHIAH - Karmic Warrior 45- 10° to 15° Scorpio - SEHALIAH - Motivation and Wilfulness 46- 15° to 20° Scorpio - ARIEL - Perceiver and Revealer 47- 20° to 25° Scorpio - ASALIAH - Contemplation 48- 25° to 30° Scorpio - MIHAEL - Fertility, Fruitfulness 49- 0° to 5° Sagittarius - VEHUEL - Elevation, Grandeur 50- 5° to 10° Sagittarius - DANIEL - Eloquence 51- 10° to 15° Sagittarius - HAHASIAH - Universal Medicine 52- 15° to 20° Sagittarius - IMAMIAH - Expiation of Errors 53- 20° to 25° Sagittarius - NANAEL - Spiritual Communication 54- 25° to 30° Sagittarius - NITHAEL - Rejuvenation and Eternal Youth 55- 0° to 5° Capricorn - MEBAHIAH - Intellectual Lucidity 56- 5° to 10° Capricorn - POYEL - Fortune and Support 57- 10° to 15° Capricorn - NEMAMIAH - Discernment 58- 15° to 20° Capricorn - YEIALEL - Mental Force 59- 20° to 25° Capricorn - HARAHEL - Intellectual Richness 60- 25° to 30° Capricorn - MITZRAEL - Internal Reparation 61- 0° to 5° Aquarius - UMABEL - Affinity and Friendship 62- 5° to 10° Aquarius - IAH-HEL - Desire to Know 63- 10° to 15° Aquarius - ANAUEL - Perception of Unity 64- 15° to 20° Aquarius - MEHIEL - Vivification 65- 20° to 25° Aquarius - DAMABIAH - Fountain of Wisdom 66- 25° to 30° Aquarius - MANAKEL - Knowledge of Good and Evil 67- 0° to 5° Pisces - EYAEL - Transformation to the Sublime 68- 5° to 10° Pisces - HABUHIAH - Healing 69- 10° to 15° Pisces - ROCHEL - Restitution 70- 15° to 20° Pisces - JABAMIAH - Alchemy/Transformation 71- 20° to 25° Pisces - HAIYAEL - Divine Warrior/Weaponry 72- 25° to 30° Pisces - MUMIAH - Endings and Rebirth

72 Angels and correspondence to Tarot

(Note: This correspondence was authored by Eliphas Levi, c. 1800’s)

1- Ace Wands 2- 2 Wands 3- 3 Wands 4- 4 Wands 5- 5 Wands 6- 6 Wands 7- 7 Wands 8- 8 Wands 9- 9 Wands 10- Ace Cups 11- 2 Cups 12- 3 Cups 13- 4 Cups 14- 5 Cups 15- 6 Cups 16- 7 Cups 17- 8 Cups 18- 9 Cups 19- Ace Swords 20- 2 Swords 21- 3 Swords 22- 4 Swords 23- 5 Swords 24- 6 Swords 25- 7 Swords 26- 8 Swords 27- 9 Swords 28- Ace Pentacles 29- 2 of Pentacles 30- 3 of Pentacles 31- 4 of Pentacles 32- 5 of Pentacles 33- 6 of Pentacles 34- 7 of Pentacles 35- 8 of Pentacles 36- 9 of Pentacles 37- Ace Wands 38- 2 Wands 39- 3 Wands 40- 4 Wands 41- 5 Wands 42- 6 Wands 43- 7 Wands 44- 8 Wands 45- 9 Wands 46- Ace Cups 47- 2 Cups 48- 3 Cups 49- 4 Cups 50- 5 Cups 51- 6 Cups 52- 7 Cups 53- 8 Cups 54- 9 Cups 55- Ace Swords 56- 2 Swords 57- 3 Swords 58- 4 Swords 59- 5 Swords 60- 6 Swords 61- 7 Swords 62- 8 Swords 63- 9 Swords 64- Ace Pentacles 65- 2 of Pentacles 66- 3 of Pentacles 67- 4 of Pentacles 68- 5 of Pentacles 69- 6 of Pentacles 70- 7 of Pentacles 71- 8 of Pentacles 72- 9 of Pentacles

Put into visual form …

radical-revolution

A man does not really begin to be alive until he has lost himself, until he releases the anxious grasp which he normally holds upon his life, his property, his reputation and position.

You are not your role. You are something deeper than that. So, go into the forest or some place alone in nature, all by yourself, and find out who you really are! And when you no longer confuse yourself with your particular temporary body, but identify with the entire process of nature and the whole cosmos, a funny thing will happen. Death comes, and will find no one to kill.

~ Alan Watts

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is this where i put my things at?