Blue

I have never been so numb.

My life has been in a whirlwind of ups and downs..and more downs and me getting myself down. The anxiety has me in a constant state of pain. The headaches, I have no energy. The only difference this time is that I am happy. And since I am happy my anxiety has disillusioned me into thinking that I don’t know what I want. I always knew what I wanted when I wasn’t happy and now that I feel comfortable I’m worried about what people want me to do and what they’ll think of me when I try to do what I want and then realizing that it’s just what they want. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I don’t know if this even makes sense and the more i think about it the more my head aches and the migraines and this constant state of pain.