c'mon

i will tell anyone who listens about how besides being a loose adaptation of the illiad, the spongebob squarepants movie is about coming out

replace every mention of “being a kid” or “being a goofy goober” with “being gay” and the spongebob sqaurepants movie is about a young gay man who is denied a promotion by his homophobic boss, gets drunk at a gay bar with his friend the night after and comes to work absolutely sauced, then goes on a journey to try to deny his true nature complete with scenes where he and his friend try to fit in at a masculine gay-bashing biker bar, he grows fake facial hair (a “beard”?) and attempts to perform hypermasculinity unsuccessfully, just before he and his friend are captured and die they come out to each other and they cry a tear in the shape of a heart which saves their lives and ride back in victory on the back of david hassellhoff’s butt and then have a glam rock musical number where they radically celebrate themselves and at this point i’m not even making changes to the metaphors here that’s just what happens literally in the movie spongebob is gay

I really am crying

Depression is a mental cancer: you can get cured and it can come back, you might die because of it, the medications make you worse at first and you can live with it the rest of your life, fighting it until your inevitable death.

“There are plenty of fish in the sea” won’t be a saying in the near future.