colacrashout @colacrashout - Tumblr Blog

there’s something so poetic about misty copeland - who’s fame proves ballet’s relevance - performing at the Oscar’s in a Sinners performance while timothee chalamet loses the Oscar to Michael B Jordan who wins for Sinners.

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reneesociety

#revenge bedtime procrastination #girlblogging #girlhood #its the neurodivergency #neurodiverse stuff #actually neurodiverse #neurodivergent #neurodiversity

sleepyetherealgirl

Dream phone

colacrashout

best thing about growing up with a late Gen X/debatably millennial mum was that we bejewelled my plastic toy flip phone

#girlhood #this is what makes us girls #serving cvnt #i’m literally just a girl #life of a teenage girl #diva #diva alert #millenial nostalgia #elder millennial #millennial core #y2k aesthetic #y2kcore #y2k #y2k nostalgia #cvnt y2k

lovvesparks

#revenge bedtime procrastination #and also #my midnight snack time #girlblogging #girl blogger #girlhood #its the neurodivergency #neurodiverse stuff #actually neurodiverse #neurodivergent #neurodiversity

seldomlog

colacrashout

✨dyslexia core✨

#shoutout to type predict for spelling dyslexia for me #dyslexia #dyslexic #girl blogger #girlhood #girlblogging #its the neurodivergency #neurodiverse stuff #actually neurodiverse #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #I put the sexy in dyslexia

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seldomlog

colacrashout

especially my ALT-er ego

#alternative #alt girl #alt aesthetic #alt fashion #aesthetics #aesthetic #alter ego #girl blogger #girlhood #girl blog aesthetic #this is a girlblog #girlblog #mysterious girl #mystery girl

my mum always shrinks all my favourite jumpers if she washes them.

when I was in school, I found this old jumper in a pile of my mums stuff that she’d given me. at this point in my life I had a very painful relationship with my body. this jumper was a v-neck, different from the high round neck jumpers I had. And it fit well, for the first time in ages I felt good it what I was wearing. My mum kept complaining about this jumper and then as soon as it was time for a wash it came out shrunken.

The same thing has happened countless times over the years and I can’t put it down to coincidence when it only seems to happen to me.

I am about to move to a different country. I’ve been home and been washing my own jumpers but my mum offered to wash my uni sweater I got as a graduation gift from her and my dad, which she complained I wore too often. I had avoided washing it because I didn’t want to ruin it. This sweater was so soft and comfy and perfectly oversized…

The second I saw it on the drying rack I knew something was wrong. And while the oversized nature means it’s still fits it looks totally different and it is so dry and hard.

My mum claims she put it in on a gentle wash and tbh I might actually believe her this time but I’m still crying and I know it’s stupid because it’s just a jumper but she has hurt me over and over again to the point that I can’t trust anything she says or does.

And the other thing is if the roles were reversed she would scream and hit and wake up the whole house and kick me out right now.

#crash out #crashing out #toxic mom #toxic mother #oldest daughter syndrome #this is a girlblog #narcissist mother #narcissistic mother #narcissistic abuse #narcissists #girlblogging #girlhood #oldest daughter

for the past two weeks my mum has been complaining about how I’ve gained weight because the trousers she got me sat higher than when I first tried them.

today we went to the shop, she gave me “the same” trouser in the same size and it fit low waisted.

came home and tried the ones we had…

it’s not the same trouser. THE ONE SHE ORDERED WAS A HIGH WAISTED STYLE.

for TWO WEEKS she has been making me feel like shit for NO REASON

now I have one day until I move and have to take an hour journey to go to the same shop for the second day in a row to get the low waisted trousers because she has made me size up my whole life and now fitted clothes give me a panic attack because she always comments on my body

#a toxic mother is a diet like no other #toxic mom #toxic mother #narcissist mother #narcissistic mother #i give up #crash out #crashing out #oldest daughter syndrome #girlblogging #this is a girlblog #girlhood #oldest daughter #body dysmorphia

how it feels when my mum makes me cancel plans saying we need to urgently do smth just to change her mind on the day and make me sit at home all day all ready to leave but not actually going anywhere and now I feel like shit because I cancelled on someone for this

#girlblogging #this is a girlblog #girlhood #crash out #crashing out #toxic mom #toxic mother #oldest daughter syndrome #oldest daughter #people pleaser #narcissist mother #narcissistic mother #actually narcissistic

niche eldest daughter trauma: preparing a nice meal for you family because your mother refuses to cook just for her to either: make you change the recipe and then complain about the taste; complain that the meal is so disappointing while everyone else is asking when we can have it again because they liked it; complain about it non-stop then ask you to make again, or spending ages planing and then making a meal you're really excited to eat just for her to start yelling at you so bad that you have to leave and you don't get to eat anything

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niche older sister trauma: having a younger sister who completely enables your mum and is constantly making nasty comments about you (her currently fave is calling me dumb if I ever point out that she's wrong, like she didn't just fail the most important exams of her life)

and I know that if she has kids she'll be just like my mum.

and I feel like no matter what I say or do or how nice I am to her, she never gets nicer. I try to set a better example, and she's still so mean. and when she's being horrid, and I stand up for myself (which I don't have a problem doing, I'm not a pushover at all), I get yelled at and blamed by my mother.

I was so excited to be a sister and for what?

p.s. fun fact my mum can recognise narcissism in my sister but not in herself

#toxic mother #toxic mom #narcissistic mother #narcissist mother #actually narcissistic #narcissists #girlblogging #this is a girlblog #girlhood #oldest daughter #crash out #crashing out #oldest daughter syndrome #niche eldest daughter trauma

me, when my mum once again is sympathising with a depiction of a bad mother that failed to support their child:

#toxic mom #toxic mother #oldest daughter #oldest daughter syndrome #crashing out #crash out #girlblogging #this is a girlblog #girlhood #narcissist mother #narcissistic abuse #actually narcissistic #is this fucking play about us #toxic family #bad mothers #boy mom

inarticulatedoll

and when im 6ft under and the bugs start to eat my brain, they’ll taste the bitterness of all the times i had to be perfect when no one else did

#is this fucking play about us #oldest daughter syndrome

weepingdreamersandwich

I wonder if my parents realize that they've already lost me. That my smiles are fake and my eyes are constantly searching for escape routes. That I'm just biding my time until I can be free of them. I wonder if they know that I was never theirs to keep.

colacrashout

Merry Christmas to all the oldest daughters ♥️

#is this fucking play about us #oldest daughter

so Josh O’Connor kissed the entire cast of SNL but not me? riiiightttt.

#josh o'connor #knives out #reminds me of when I went to the wake up dead man premiere and he wasn’t there #josh o connor #josh oconnor #lowkey don’t want anyone to kiss me tho #girlblogging #this is a girlblog #challengers #wake up dead man #the crown

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dieforart

#damn a meme encapsulated my soul #is this fucking play about us

ilzzey

#is this fucking play about us #literally me rn #insomnia

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