unlistlessnessing

I wonder if everyone else on the highway in their cars or trucks, windows rolled up or down stereo on, humming along are all drowning too drowning with a smile on And I want to call out to that guy on the street corner every day that I see him, that I know him that our paths must be the same for a reason because I am always running exactly five minutes late to work every day, and there he always is so we are basically kin and kin should try to help each other when drowning but I can’t say that because we are supposed to drown quietly with smiles and dignity So I drive to work. Stereo on, humming along.

And these days, I wonder If I’m inventing ghosts again Or if I’m just like a wind And if you leave open a window I’ll just float right out Because I have so many places Left to go And even if you shut me in I’ll find cracks in your foundation And I’ll slip right through And if you tried to hold me You’d find that I was Never really there Because I’m elusive I’m intangible I’m not real I’m just the air That you breathe I’m just the wind Rattling the trees

Bored, lonely and procrastinating responsibilities... anyone want to chat?

it rains here all the time now and you never look at me the way I always thought someone someday would and when you’re gone, I get drunk and talk to myself with the TV on to feel less alone.

3am, I'm lusting for the woods, where night fell with such resolution. Here, it's never clear, whether I'm awake or dreaming. I over think the idea that either has more meaning.

Remember when we were So young and so dumb And you punched holes in my ears After too much vodka and beer?  Well, since then, I've grown up. Now I'm just old and dumb, Poking holes in my plans After too much whiskey and wine

They say you can’t feel gravity or the spinning of the earth oh, but I do, every once in a while when you look at me I feel the earth shift beneath my feet and it’s a little dizzying And some days,  the gravity gets heavier  than others and the air gets thick like glue but then I see you, in the distance and even gravity gets a little weak

Some things about me that have changed since you knew me. I took up everything you loved. Red lipstick, sundresses, combat boots, beer, cigarettes. I took up everything you hated. Cheesy music, red wine, bars, cigarettes. Just layers of clothes and vices really. I got a dog and a truck and I took to the woods. I got lost in the mountains and slept in the cold. But most things have stayed the same. Crooked ribs and nose and low self esteem. A love for wordless animals and dissecting their brains. Reading poetry I can feel but can't quite grasp and staying up til dawn, hoping naiively to find more there. Always looking for a happiness I never quite have. But the loneliness has always been something deeper that I sensed I needed not to banish but to someday understand. And I've learned so much but here I still am. Covered in unrecognizable layers of life and dirt and sweat and peace and pain and love and hate and maybe some bruises and blood. But still made of the same old crooked bones. Here I am.

and when the hair on your arms stands on end and you know a storm is coming in again I’ll be waiting in the rain for you to come grasp me like a violent wind light me up like lightning illuminate my veins and when the thunder starts to shake the house let’s rattle the furniture even louder and when the crashing cracks open the sky with supernatural light and reverberates through my bones and through my teeth so loud now and we’re pouring from the sky and the storm wants you for itself but I have you tight by your thighs my nails to your bones as passion tears open above and oh my god the sky snarling the clouds crying I think we will die as we collide as hard as our cells will bear and tear each other down down, back to earth wet earth under your face sprawling skin and mud and the storm grumbles its hungry, aching lust and subsides in approval to a soft drizzling shiver of goosebumps and rumbles