I don't know if it's autism or PTSD but I do feel like, the whole friendship and caring about others thing feels like a game to me in a way that it doesn't to others. Not in the sense that I'm trying to win or get points, but in the way that it feels like I'm playing make believe most of the time. And I kindof always forget that most other people don't feel that way. And I think I come across really uncaring a lot of the time because I just.. feel like none of this matters and isn't real at the the end of the day. I keep thinking about when I was in like 8th grade and moved cities, and my friends from the old city got mad I wasn't talking to them as much and I was really confused cause I thought we were all on the same page that like, we were children and our friendship would inevitably end anyway, so I didn't understand why they were really all that sad about it. I think I still feel like that most of the time, I don't feel like anyone really knows me or like, I'm not going to be friends with anyone forever, everyone's going to die one day and actually carrying and investing in emotional attachments is kindof pointless at the end of the day so it's like?? Idk. I think it's difficult for me to connect with people that really value emotional connection because I feel like I can't really be myself because I don't... really care that much.
origamiaround
blakekathryn
romaincrisis
