...But they called her Coey

S.O and I made the very conscious decision to not impress upon him the amazing-ness of the day through the usage of fictitious icons like Santa. I also doubt that he was any types of aware that he was going to end up getting really cool new toys today...hell, until he opened them, me and his dad didn't know exactly what he was getting. Regardless of what triggered his happy mood, I was glad that my little guy was in the possession of one, especially considering his mommy's mood was sagging. 

1. Your dedication to your plans can be the reason you’re depressed. It’s invaluable to learn how to let go and be in the moment

2. Americans suck... and the country is going to fall to pieces because we don’t know how to take care of each other

3. A blessing sometimes looks like what didn’t happen

4. Manifestation and speaking positivity in your life is worth believing in

5. Doing it for yourself sometimes is enough

6. Give yourself a break. Your humanity isn’t an excuse-that’s what you are and at times it can be a limitation

7. Debating is pointless if you’re not going to learn anything. Most people just want their point heard and validated but not interested in really learning what the other side has to say

8. There is always a reason to be thankful

Death to the voices that tell you that aren’t good enough

Death to the voices that insinuate that you have nothing else of value to give

Death to the voices that leave your energy low

Death to the voices that aren’t lifting you up

1) You have no power to fix anybody. The most you can ever be capable of is supporting someone while they fix themselves.

2) Someone being less than integritous in a way that is detrimental to you isn't your fault and not your bag to wear.

3) You can't properly love others until you learn to properly love yourself

4) Intentions matter

5) Growth/healing is difficult... More difficult than relying on destructive patterns, more difficult than avoiding your issues, more difficult than just moving forward with bags of unresolve...and it's still the best option.

6) I'm worth requited effort in all relationships.

7) it's impossible to be happy and unhealthy.

8) Fear of failure & inadequacy are the root of many a heartbreak...

1. Ppl will take to their convenience as long as you let them. The moment you stop them is when you'll find where their heart really is.

2. Closed mouth will starve every time.

3. You are worth healthy boundaries...

4. I dont have a hater bigger than my own brain

5. You get results where you put in energy.

6. Know for yourself and fuck what others think...

Let's do a list shall we????

1. "If you weren't so curvy, you would be fat"🙄

2. "If we were together I would have to have you in the gym every day [he laughs]...and nobody should have to change that much to be with someone. 🤨

3. Me: I want thigh high boots for my bday him: well you're going to have to lose weight because I dont think they make them in your size.

4. "You're not the same girl that I was crushing on"- ( because I gained weight)

5. "Well I started messing with [her] because you didnt lose weight like I asked.😲

6. "You done got fat. I'd still fuck you on my wedding day ( he's marrying someone else) because I know the pussy is good..." 😐

7. "I thought big girls could take lots of dick... I mean you got more cushion"

8. " I'm a visual person and I deserve a fine ass girlfriend..."

9. "The only place you're a settle is physically, you're otherwise everything I want."🤔

10. "You mad cute for a big girl"...

11. dealt with a guy that was extremely vocal about him not being attracted to me but was equally vocal about the need for me to initiate sex with him so he knew that I wanted him...and just could not grasp that those requests in tandem is what made him look like a jerk.

12. "I never really set out to be with a big girl."

13. Pulls up IG and shows me a pic of a another girl that is like 100 lbs smaller than me and says, "If you were this size, you'd be perfect. You think I want skinny and you're really not that far from what I would like"...for some reason didnt anticipate me being upset by the gesture.🤦‍♀️

14. I've always imagined myself with a dime piece model and I'm not willing to settle. 🙄

15. Him:"I mean I like Courtney...I just dont like the fat. You're the one that keeps conflating them. " When I pointed out how his words described something differently...he didnt apologize for hurting me. He accused me of misunderstanding him and apologized for being unclear instead...

16. The general history of niggas treating me shitty because they think nobody would want me at my size...

17. "Its not that you're too big for me...I'm just too small for you"

18. "I like me a big homely girl like you"...He wore thong sandals to a date in November with toes that hadn't been washed or lotioned since March and his teeth looked like they had be used as a can opener...BUT I was the homely one #TheBitchTriedIt

19. Met a guy offline at a resturant... tells me he left something in his car and to go ahead and get us a table...never came back. Texted me later "you were bigger than I thought"

20. Decided to start working out using C25K. Had trouble completing the 2nd week. told the boo thang...His response? "I personally find it DISGUSTING that you had such a hard time." Felt some type of way that I wasnt interested in his help because I didnt want the pressure of feeling judged every time I was in wkout mode.

21. "I dont see why you're mad at me for wanting the same thing that you want. You want me to walk around, holding your hand like I'm proud of you when you're not proud of you"...I'm not "not proud"...I'm self conscious and anxious because too many ppl have measured my worth by my weight... and my goofy ass has let them.

22. "I didnt mean you need to lose weight...I meant you just need to tone up." Said him after I told him to leave me alone and lose my number.

...between the "youre too dark" and "youre too big"...Dating can be promptly summed up as ass. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️😔😔😔

1. 30 is just a number...

2. You repeat the lessons that you don’t learn the first time.

3. Be grateful- be grateful for the good, for the bad, for the horrible...It’s always  the first step for it being used towards your good.

4.People will always have an opinion about what you are doing ...Take what is applicable, and GROW!!!

5. Let of go of the negative or it will destroy you.

6. Sometimes getting tired is more effective than getting angry

7. Wanting it a lot isn’t enough...

8. Sometimes you have to forgive people that don’t even think that you deserve an apology...It’s not about them...its about you

9. He can” love” you and not know how to love you