Adventures in Chaos

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wanting and not wanting at the same time

in fact i think a lot of aro-ace people really hate that part of themselves, hide it, and struggle for a long time to ‘accept’ who they are and feel any sense of ‘pride’. that’s the feeling i wanted to capture here. the disappointment, the loneliness, upon realising that you can’t feel what is such a wonderful thing. the embarrassment of not being ‘normal’, of being some random sexuality that nobody irl has heard of, and letting down those around you because you can’t be who they want you to be. how desperately you want to change, how desperately you want to feel. but you just can’t.

i know not all aro-ace people feel like this. i know lots of aro and/or ace people feel able to be in relationships, to feel closeness and have partners in other ways. but i think it’s important to be aware that some aro-ace people do feel like this.

the comments on this comic have mostly been great but a few have been very frustrating. a comment it got a lot was along the lines of ‘aw!! you don’t need to have sex to be in a relationship!’. you completely missed the point, hah. this is not a comic about sex. it’s about a lack of feeling, the lack of something beautiful other people seem to have. another comment that popped up a few times was ‘maybe she’s a lesbian’. well maybe lesbians and aro/ace girls have more in common than people think - maybe they both often struggle to accept that they feel no attraction to men, even though society has conditioned them to do so, sometimes spending years trying to force themselves to like men in that way, when they just can’t.

this comic is called ‘wanting and not wanting at the same time’ because she wants to love. but when it comes down to the reality, she can’t fulfil the requirements of that. she wants to love someone forever, to get married and have children and grow old with her soulmate, but she doesn’t want it with this person. or that person. or anyone she meets or will ever meet. a sort of catch 22, i guess.

Which season makes you happiest

One song that's closest to your heart. Why?

What's your biggest dream/passion

One person who made you happy today

What's one thing about you that you're proud of

Would you rather travel the world by yourself or with someone by your side

Favourite comfort food

Do you fall in love easily?

What do you hope never changes

What's an ideal weekend for you?

@zephyr-thefwoggy-likes-sandwich @scintillatea @fatpotatosaysmoo @thesexypanda-boo @thewizardofoj @neurogliadudette @thatchickavai @theonewithtoomuchdrama @hanirii @prettyamberskies and ANYONE who wants to try

1. Fall, Autumn (I always think of it as pumpkin spice season, hehe)

2. There’s this one song I absolutely adored as a child, it’s She’s Got It All by Kenny Chesney, I don’t know why I loved it so much, I haven’t heard it in years (I’m about to fix that in a little bit now)

3. Right now my biggest dream is to see a little bit of the world!

4. Hehe, that could be so many people honestly! Do I have to pick just one? 🥺

5. I’m proud of how well I’ve handled life so far, and I’m also proud of my older brother, he’s been through a lot in his life

6. Hehe, probably with somebody! I’d get so lost by myself

7. Uhhh, coffee? Jk, maybe fruit gummies

8. Haha, sort of, but I don’t get over it quickly

9. I hope I’ll always get to be friends with you and everyone else 🥺

10. Quiet peace, relaxed with no expectations

1. summer, no school

2. empty by olivia o’brien, i just related to it so much

3. see the world! i wanna travel everywhere i can

4. miss @thesexypanda-boo

5. i’m proud that i got through this school year (for the most part) i may not have done the best but it was difficult

6. with somebody definitely!!

7. mac and cheese

8. YUPPPPP i’m in love with like 3 people right now

9. i hope no one changes themselves for anybody else, do you boo

10. chill on saturday, maybe go to dinner? on sunday do something fun like going to a park or hanging out with friends

1.summer ,no school,i am the healthiest during the year and i practice my hobbies more

2. Rn it’s Melody noir by Patrick Watson i feel like this song portrays love with delicacy like an oasis to the soul

3. I want to make my art,paint,write anything i want to pour my heart into something beautiful

4. @laalain i smile at their messages every time

5. I am proud that i have learned to be myself more lately and to not care about others opinions as much

6. I think I want someone significantly important with me

7. Chocolate cookies

8. I don’t think I do fall in love easily,i may get my head up in the clouds most of the time dreaming about finding love but I actually am very analytical towards people

9. I hope I never loose my compassion and excitement about small things that happen in my life

10. An ideal weekend would be a lake trip and strolling through some flower fields

I loved this so much

2. Ships in the Night by Mat Kearney. I just kinda latched onto it in high school and never let go 🤷🏼‍♀️

3. I want to get something published one day. Not sure if it's gonna be a fantasy novel or a web comic, but something.

4. Uh...not a person, but I found the issue of Empire with Tom Hiddleston on the cover after hunting for it for two weeks so that 😅

5. I made it through college. Never thought I'd get there with the way my mental health was in high school, but I'm done with that chapter and ready to figure out what's next for me.

6. With someone else, who I don't know, but not by myself.

7. Tiramisu and some wine 🍷

8. Nope 🤣 Aro/Ace, have a hard time finding anyone I'm even remotely interested in. But on the rare chance that I do, it is very challenging to get out of it (good job ADHD 🤦🏼‍♀️).

9. I hope my bestie will always be my bestie 💜

10. A trip to the mall and a Marvel movie with my friends, followed by some alone time playing my switch and listening to some emo music.