Coach Sash

Where and how do we take a meaningful stand in the pandemic of hate, violence, fear and social unrest in our country and communities today?

Many of us think that we cannot do enough to stop these injustices, to enact change, to protect our community members and be a force of good. As if our actions could never amount to any type of change. One financial donation isn’t enough to fuel a social movement. One protest poster isn’t enough to reform policing, one social media post sharing resources can’t guarantee others to take action...

The truth is that when listening to this kind of self-limiting critic, we become derailed from acting in coherence with our values and life intentions. We become frustrated,  resigned, then cynical - in that order - a cycle that brings us further away from acting in accordance to what has significant meaning to us.

If you feel ‘stuck’ in this cycle, first acknowledge yourself for recognizing the pattern and critic-chatter that you’ve been listening to, up until now. Since the ontological rule states, you cannot be what you can observe, you are now free to detach from these thoughts and assert your focus on what holds more meaning and interest to you.

Next, ask yourself: “If I could take action, one small, sweet step towards what I think is a better outcome, what could I do?” Maybe you’d write a letter to a state representative, volunteer, donate money or goods, organize an event, or use your social media platforms to share information and resources.

Once you figure out your next step, and better yet, take it, your mind frees itself from the blame you’ve been shouldering for not taking action before.

I encourage taking small, consistent steps because in reality, none of it is small if it’s about expressing what holds meaning for you, and bringing what was inside of you out and into the world for all of us to connect with. Justice work and social reform is an ongoing process, and each contribution brings the movement forward.

I woke up to the fact that I don’t allow myself to write because I don’t think I’ll properly express what I’m trying to say. That somehow, my words and sentences add up to make one jargony, bland long monologue. That idea is completely untrue but my Monkey Mind (the constant negative chatter in our minds also known as the Negativity Bias) is deceptively convincing. I listen, and obediently put my tools away.

Something is truly important to me - using my voice, writing, sharing tools and insights with people, creating a sense of connection and community - and when I go to do it, I freeze. 

What would it be like if I was willing to allow myself to write? 

It would be like cultivating a flow state of writing, imagining, wording. It would be like crafting a story which is what we are all - storytellers.

It would allow me to explore my thoughts in a new way, perhaps a more conscious and meticulous way.

I could feel successful, by doing what I always say I want to do. Getting around to it immediately, and not procrastinating. 

Not too long ago, I arrived at the realization that I tend to make things harder for myself. That means, what I’m listening to for many large or important life choices is M.M. more than my Voice of Wisdom (spirit, soul, higher self, god, God, universe). 

When I shift my thoughts from, “I make things harder for myself!” to, “I’m so glad I can clearly see where my focus has been when making big decisions”, I have gained a deeper personal knowing and can access a sense of gratitude.

I am grateful for the series of experiences I chose that made up a pattern I could clearly identify. 

Now that I know what conclusion I was parked in front of, I could choose to look at what excites me about writing, and cultivating an ongoing writing practice.

It’s changing the lens from negativity to possibility, clarity, grace, and ease. 

BE A PROACTIVE DO-ER. Your boss wants you to do the thinking for them in your “world”. Don’t wait for instructions. Figure out what it is your boss needs or wants, and do it.

BE A CREATIVE THINKER. Unless there’s a specific protocol in place, utilize creative thinking in order to get what you need to do the job and get it done.

DEVELOP A THICK SKIN. Don’t take anything your boss says to you, or about you, personally. Look at it as a job, their “stuff” isn’t your “stuff”.

LEARN YOUR INDUSTRY. This make the lingo easier to pick up once you’re in it and shows your understanding of your boss’ world.

ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES. Ask about expectations and hours during the interview. Know what you’re getting yourself into and determine if you are ready to maintain a lifestyle for this.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS. Always know where the line is drawn so you aren’t sucked into your boss’ craziness. If your job is bordering on abuse, or you are tasked with morally opposing assignments, know when to leave.

COMMUNICATE EFFICIENTLY AND OFTEN. Over-communicating is better than under-communicating.

STAY ORGANIZED. Know where you write things down and how to quickly access all notes.

PRIORITIZE BASED ON YOUR BOSS’ PRIORITIES AND WANTS. Know what makes your boss happiest and do that first.

OWN YOUR MISTAKES. Be humble and take criticism well, this is how to build trust.

ASK FOR HELP. Don’t be afraid to ask your team for help on any personal or business matters. Even though you are “the help”, you still need help to get the job done.

CREATE THE COMMUNITY YOU NEED. You’ll need support, being a supporter. Friends, family, co-workers, other assistants who know what you’re going through…

BE THE CALM ONE. No matter what you experience, you keep your cool. You’re there to take care of him, not the other way around.

SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS WITH REMINDERS, SYSTEMS, PROTOCOLS. Don’t rely on memory alone.

KEEP A POSITIVE HEADSPACE. For no one else but yourself and your own mental health.

KNOW YOUR WORTH. It’s not determined by how your skills measure up to the team/environment.

KNOW YOUR END GOAL. Makes it easier to tune out the noise.

BE GRATEFUL. There’s always something you’re learning or gaining, make sure you can keep that in focus at all times.

BE PROFESSIONAL. No matter the industry or type of relationship you have with your boss.

From the perspective of a Personal Assistant in Hollywood, though this covers many industries. 

GOOD LEADERSHIP IS INSPIRING. You are open, honest, authentic and communicate thoughtfully. You don’t lose your temper and yell profanities. This isn’t a frat or sorority house.

YOU GIVE RESPECT TO GAIN RESPECT. This goes both ways. We need each other to reach our own goals.

MICROMANAGING IS A DAMPER ON PROGRESS. Your way is not the only way to the end result.

IF YOU EXPECT YOUR ASSISTANT TO WORK OVERTIME, EXPECT TO PAY OVERTIME. Both in a private business or within a larger entity, it is common sense to pay for the time put in. Assistants are often discouraged from filing OT hours, so if you ask for work beyond the normal pay hours, make sure your assistant is getting paid for that work.

YOU ARE THE GATEWAY TO DIVERSIFYING YOUR INDUSTRY AND CREATING CHANGE. Who you choose to hire and train, regardless of their background, will potentially become the future of this industry. Keep that in mind when hiring.

YOUR TEAM/DEPARTMENT WILL TREAT YOUR ASSISTANT THE WAY YOU DO. Lead by example.

POSITIVE MOTIVATION GOES A LONG WAY. It doesn’t have to be a lot, it just has to be true. Happy employees work harder.

SOFT SKILLS ARE A STRENGTH. Don’t downplay the value of the branded “soft skills job”, either in your own head or to your assistant directly. You need this role in order to survive.

MAKE TIME TO TRAIN. If something isn’t working for you, teach me so I can be efficient.

“YOU’RE LUCKY YOU HAVE THIS JOB”. This glorifies an unequal business relationship and brings up the messy subject of privilege that isn’t part of the job description. It adds pressure to an already high pressure job, knowing that the turnstile for assistants is never ending (in Hollywood).

‘ASSISTANT’ IS AN ENTRY POINT TO NEW LEVELS. Anticipate a willingness to grow, and think about how your path to the top started. Don’t act shocked or surprised when your assistant is ready to move on.

BE A MODEL OF ETHICS. If you live by them, your assistant will display your best side. That’s just good business. Don’t reflect the ethics of your particular industry, reflect your own personal ethics. This is where change can happen.

CELEBRATE WINS. Acknowledge victories for the team and small growth measurements.

YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE. For all the good and negative things your assistant or employees do.

YOU ARE MY BOSS, NOT MY FRIEND. Both of us have to keep that line from blurring.

ASKING FOR HELP IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS. It’s a sign of curiosity and growth-mindset. If you assistant asks for help on something, use this as a teaching moment not a shame moment.

YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO FEEDBACK. Most people at the top are surrounded by “yes”-people. Seek out those who are willing to be truthful with you, it’s for your own benefit.

BE MINDFUL OF PICKING FAVORITES. Your actions are transparent to the rest of your staff/the team. It causes resentment and inter-organization rifts.

SAVE LIP SERVICE FOR THE CLIENTS. Be straightforward with your assistant and employees. We are behind the scenes with you.

We have to learn to sit with ourselves and cultivate patience. It a skill, not a waiting game as patience doesn’t arrive in a passive manner. We aren’t born with it, and therefore it is a practice that develops over time. In order to reap the benefits of becoming a calmer, happier and centered individual, we have to put in the work.

To-do lists are a good place to start with . When working on patience, it’s important to start small. You can’t scale a mountain on your first day of training. Today, while in COVID quarantine, I finally braided my own hair. This small task has been swimming around in the back of my head since I was six! I separated two sections apart and wove my fishtail braid slowly, ensuring every strand was in place. I started over a few times. I’m dedicating time to one small task and slowly following through to the end. 

Take action, make your To-Do list. Then do it. Put a box next to each item, even choose a different colored pen to check each task off. 

Start small: 1. 3 pages.  2. Brush teeth. 3. Floss.  3. Make breakfast.  4. One hour of [reading my book, practicing guitar, walking outside...]

... and so on. The satisfaction of doing what you said you will do will naturally and seamlessly fuel your progress. What you’re doing is building a practice. getting things done does not only apply to work-mode, but self-care and awareness as well.