lavender

Dungeon Master Tip: D&D can be difficult to really get into for people who aren’t used to improv, because a lot of the time, they feel vulnerable and nervous about taking it seriously. To balance silly vibes and serious vibes and make sure your players are having fun in a way that moves the story along, stick a googly eye on your forehead. It’s a whimsical way to remind your shithead idiot friends that you’re their omnipotent god now, and that you can, and will, murder all of their characters if they keep guessing “dildo” as the answer to your puzzles, even when the puzzles aren’t text-based or even puzzles at all, like, what the fuck, guys, you just keep pausing every few turns and asking, “Is the answer dildo?” What’s up with that? Tell me how “dildo” is the answer to a boss battle. No, I’d love to know. I’m waiting. I can wait all day. I gots pajamas on under this velvet Party City cloak, I’m comfy as hell.

Dungeon Master Tip #2: Don’t post things like this on a blog that your players follow, unless you want fifteen bags of free stick-on googly eyes.