Ronald McDonald is a class traitor. A sell out. Not a man of the clowns, but a clown of the corporate machine. A capitalist clown with no morals. He has forgotten what to be a clown means. The working class clown doesn’t deserve what he has done to them. And to top it all off, his sprite is acidic and his cheeseburgers are small. A true clown would have big massive cheeseburgers, but not Ronald, the bourgeoisie fool.

You will look at my clowns.

(A name has not yet been chosen)

Last night was The Great Unbinding. I gathered friends together late at night, as we recorded a video of my sister, her friend, and I, untying this clown. The video needs to be edited and shortened drastically before I can post it because it took a total of 50 minutes to untie this clown. The string around this clown was so tight and thick, hard to cut even with kitchen scissors. Three different strings were used to tie this clown. We took turns passing him between the three of us to saw the different strings off. As frustrating as it was, we had a lot of fun doing it! Like a big spooky Unbinding party! Here’s a picture of a Safeway bag filled with the string.

It’s clear now though, based on how hard it was to remove all this string, that whoever tied this clown up did not want it to be untied. I do not know why. My original theory is that the clown was broken underneath, and the string was to keep him from falling apart. My sister’s theory was that there was some sort of cursed object underneath, or that it was a “binding spell” but we were both disappointed to find nothing but a naked clown underneath...

To say the least, he seems like a normal clown underneath all the bindings. A foam torso, posable arms, ceramic hands and feet. That’s all we found. If you look at this in a superstitious point of view, perhaps it looks ordinary underneath all the bindings, but once unbound that’s when bad things slowly happen. But a night has passed and nothing happened so far. I’m going to take a skeptical stance on this until something significant does happen. Also I’d like to make a quick correction: this clown was not found in a Goodwill, but in a store called “Bargain Basement,” a large warehouse thrift store. My sister said there was many dolls, and this one was buried under a big pile of dolls. Also one of the only clowns.

But now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for, a picture of the clown unbound. Here’s him next to his spooky big brother, Boo Boo Junior.

As for the quality of the clown: he’s alright. He’s definitely interesting, but out of the context of his binding, he’s a pretty mediocre clown. His paint is pretty worn, but his colors are pretty cute. I feel bad for him that he was treated as such, so I wish to make him some clothes to put on his back, so that’s he’s proper and not so cold. Unfortunately I don’t know how to sew, so I’ll have to either figure out how to make clown clothes, or contact someone who knows. If anyone can help me with that, let me know! As for now he is a naked, and possibly cursed, mediocre clown.