love me where it hurts

It wasn’t unusual for you to hang out by yourself in your room. Truth be told, the guys were worried that you didn’t like them at first. You were so nice to them whenever they did manage to have your attention, but usually they couldn’t get you to say much to them outside of practice or performing. You didn’t really seem rude to them, though. Just shy. After all, rude people don’t usually make everyone they live with cute matching friendship bracelets as a welcome gift.

They made their own rule not to push you to interact since it seemed like you were uncomfortable, but Beomgyu felt like that went out the window in this circumstance. After all, you had collapsed in an airport due to a secret illness.. was he wrong for wanting to make sure you were alright?

You didn’t really respond to his words, just letting out a hum of acknowledgement. He moved to sit beside you, knowing he had your attention. “What’s bothering you? You haven’t said much since you came home, and that was hours ago.”

“It’s weird.. now that you guys know. Other than Soobin, you guys were so nice about it. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

He took note of the way your hands shook as they moved to pull the blanket up higher over your legs, and of how your voice wavered a little as you spoke. It took a moment of silence for him to fully understand. “You’re scared.”

“Of course, I’m scared,” you sniffed. “Soobin’s reaction was the entire reason I didn’t want anyone to tell you guys in the first place.”

He sighed. “Soobin is just scared. You have a heart condition and that is a serious thing. We’d been pushing each other beyond our abilities for a while and yeah, we did it to help each other get better, but that could mean something totally different for you.”

You sighed. He didn’t get it. It wasn’t that Soobin’s reaction had upset you because he yelled at you, or because he was angry. You had known the leader of your group long enough to know that anything he had said, no matter how aggressively- was just out of concern, and you didn’t fault him for being emotional and not sure how to use his words. “Do you know how hard I had to work to get here?” You turned to him.

“I practiced for years; do you know how many twenty-four days I did just to figure out how to hit notes? The diets, the school, learning a language, all of that? I was told there was a chance I may never debut just because they weren’t in the market for girl groups just yet. When the opportunity came and I heard they were debuting a new group, I did everything I could every single day. I took risks that gave me injuries and some of the girls even hated me for going out of my way like I did.”

You were clearly getting heated, tone rising, and the pace of your words was starting to move so fast that he was struggling to keep up. Beomgyu grabbed your hand as if to pause you. “Yeah, but Y/N,” he sighed. “Most trainees went through that.”

“No!” you exclaimed. “You didn’t! Because then I debuted, and even after that every day was like a fight I was destined to lose. I did everything I could to be talented, but then I was a small girl living in a dorm with six guys. You guys had all gotten to kind of know each other, I was the last to be added, I knew nothing.”

Beomgyu could tell from the way you kept rambling and working yourself up that what you truly needed from him right now wasn’t advice or explanations. He grabbed your hand once more when started using it to illustrate and you kept going like you didn’t even notice. “And then! Every time we perform, I hear the stylists talk about how choosing a concept is so hard for them because they can’t figure out how to do my outfit, like I’m a nuisance to the group! And don’t get me started on choreography- do you know how many times I had to stay behind while you guys went home just to tell the choreographer to stop throwing out more intricate routines just because he assumes that I can’t do them? I had to convince them I could by practically doing a little audition!

“Not to mention the social media outrage. The news was announced, and the lineup came out and I was getting called every name in the book for just performing with you guys! It seems like my very existence alone causes so many problems for the group,” your breath caught in your chest, but after rambling the things that had been on your mind for so long, you weren’t really surprised.

But he was. Even though they were still fairly new, the six of you had been performing together for about six months now. In that whole time, you had never opened up like this. They had even gotten Kai to say more about his personal feelings than they had managed to get out of you. The most you had ever said about yourself was in interviews.

You looked up at him as you tried to catch your breath and slow your heart rate. Your cheeks were flushed, embarrassed at having spilled your guts like that. “Do you feel better?”

The words threw you off. Why was he asking you that? You had basically yelled at him, and said that his struggled to get to where he was weren’t as valid as yours, so why was he smiling at you? Wasn’t he offended or something? Shouldn’t he be telling you how rude and spoiled you are right now?

But all Beomgyu did was pat your head and repeat the question. “Do you feel better?”

“It’s not that I didn’t tell you guys because I didn’t trust you or because I don’t take anything seriously,’ you tried to sum up, voice much softer now. “I just didn’t want you guys to think of me as a weaker link than I already am.”

The sound of your brathing and the rain hitting the window was all that could be heard for several moments, and your heartbeat started to pick back up until Beomgyu finally spoke again. “None of us think anything like that of you. I mean... we’ve definitely had some conversations where we thought you hated us or were scared of us because of how little you hang out with us in private… but we didn’t know you were the one who was uncomfortable. We never really pushed because we wanted to give you space, we thought you knew you were welcome.”

“I just don’t want to be a nuisance.” He shook his head to deny that before the statement had even completely been uttered. “That’s ridiculous. You’re not a nuisance. You’re singlehandedly the funniest in the group, and none of us can hit high or low notes the way you can. Yeonjun has started picking up on your slang! You’re the smartest, by far. You taught yourself three languages so fast!” It was his turn to be on a roll, but you just let yourself laugh and waved your hands to stop him.

“Okay, okay, I believe you!” You chuckled. “I guess… I just don’t always feel like I’m all that important to the group. I feel guilty sometimes you know?”

“Guilty for what?” Beomgyu scrunched his nose. “It doesn’t matter. Taehyun ordered food for everyone, and I am not going to let you sit in here all by yourself and feel upset when you can come out here with us and have a good night.”

As he dragged you out, you weren’t sure that he had truly understood what you had been telling him, but the next day you found a package in front of your bedroom door. Inside was a bracelet- it had the date you were added to the group engraved on it. Underneath the jewelry was a picture of you belting out a note onstage, it almost looked like a newspaper clipping. Then, finally, taped to the bottom of the box was a note, and scrawled in messy handwriting read: “you matter more than you think.”

You smiled as you looked through it all, pinning the picture and the note up on your vanity mirror before you heard the call. “Y/N! I made breakfast!”

It wasn’t unusual for you to hang out by yourself in your room. Truth be told, the guys were worried that you didn’t like them at first. You were so nice to them whenever they did manage to have your attention, but usually they couldn’t get you to say much to them outside of practice or performing. You didn’t really seem rude to them, though. Just shy. After all, rude people don’t usually make everyone they live with cute matching friendship bracelets as a welcome gift.

They made their own rule not to push you to interact since it seemed like you were uncomfortable, but Beomgyu felt like that went out the window in this circumstance. After all, you had collapsed in an airport due to a secret illness.. was he wrong for wanting to make sure you were alright?

You didn’t really respond to his words, just letting out a hum of acknowledgement. He moved to sit beside you, knowing he had your attention. “What’s bothering you? You haven’t said much since you came home, and that was hours ago.”

“It’s weird.. now that you guys know. Other than Soobin, you guys were so nice about it. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

He took note of the way your hands shook as they moved to pull the blanket up higher over your legs, and of how your voice wavered a little as you spoke. It took a moment of silence for him to fully understand. “You’re scared.”

“Of course, I’m scared,” you sniffed. “Soobin’s reaction was the entire reason I didn’t want anyone to tell you guys in the first place.”

He sighed. “Soobin is just scared. You have a heart condition and that is a serious thing. We’d been pushing each other beyond our abilities for a while and yeah, we did it to help each other get better, but that could mean something totally different for you.”

You sighed. He didn’t get it. It wasn’t that Soobin’s reaction had upset you because he yelled at you, or because he was angry. You had known the leader of your group long enough to know that anything he had said, no matter how aggressively- was just out of concern, and you didn’t fault him for being emotional and not sure how to use his words. “Do you know how hard I had to work to get here?” You turned to him.

“I practiced for years; do you know how many twenty-four days I did just to figure out how to hit notes? The diets, the school, learning a language, all of that? I was told there was a chance I may never debut just because they weren’t in the market for girl groups just yet. When the opportunity came and I heard they were debuting a new group, I did everything I could every single day. I took risks that gave me injuries and some of the girls even hated me for going out of my way like I did.”

You were clearly getting heated, tone rising, and the pace of your words was starting to move so fast that he was struggling to keep up. Beomgyu grabbed your hand as if to pause you. “Yeah, but Y/N,” he sighed. “Most trainees went through that.”

“No!” you exclaimed. “You didn’t! Because then I debuted, and even after that every day was like a fight I was destined to lose. I did everything I could to be talented, but then I was a small girl living in a dorm with six guys. You guys had all gotten to kind of know each other, I was the last to be added, I knew nothing.”

Beomgyu could tell from the way you kept rambling and working yourself up that what you truly needed from him right now wasn’t advice or explanations. He grabbed your hand once more when started using it to illustrate and you kept going like you didn’t even notice. “And then! Every time we perform, I hear the stylists talk about how choosing a concept is so hard for them because they can’t figure out how to do my outfit, like I’m a nuisance to the group! And don’t get me started on choreography- do you know how many times I had to stay behind while you guys went home just to tell the choreographer to stop throwing out more intricate routines just because he assumes that I can’t do them? I had to convince them I could by practically doing a little audition!

“Not to mention the social media outrage. The news was announced, and the lineup came out and I was getting called every name in the book for just performing with you guys! It seems like my very existence alone causes so many problems for the group,” your breath caught in your chest, but after rambling the things that had been on your mind for so long, you weren’t really surprised.

But he was. Even though they were still fairly new, the six of you had been performing together for about six months now. In that whole time, you had never opened up like this. They had even gotten Kai to say more about his personal feelings than they had managed to get out of you. The most you had ever said about yourself was in interviews.

You looked up at him as you tried to catch your breath and slow your heart rate. Your cheeks were flushed, embarrassed at having spilled your guts like that. “Do you feel better?”

The words threw you off. Why was he asking you that? You had basically yelled at him, and said that his struggled to get to where he was weren’t as valid as yours, so why was he smiling at you? Wasn’t he offended or something? Shouldn’t he be telling you how rude and spoiled you are right now?

But all Beomgyu did was pat your head and repeat the question. “Do you feel better?”

“It’s not that I didn’t tell you guys because I didn’t trust you or because I don’t take anything seriously,’ you tried to sum up, voice much softer now. “I just didn’t want you guys to think of me as a weaker link than I already am.”

The sound of your brathing and the rain hitting the window was all that could be heard for several moments, and your heartbeat started to pick back up until Beomgyu finally spoke again. “None of us think anything like that of you. I mean... we’ve definitely had some conversations where we thought you hated us or were scared of us because of how little you hang out with us in private… but we didn’t know you were the one who was uncomfortable. We never really pushed because we wanted to give you space, we thought you knew you were welcome.”

“I just don’t want to be a nuisance.” He shook his head to deny that before the statement had even completely been uttered. “That’s ridiculous. You’re not a nuisance. You’re singlehandedly the funniest in the group, and none of us can hit high or low notes the way you can. Yeonjun has started picking up on your slang! You’re the smartest, by far. You taught yourself three languages so fast!” It was his turn to be on a roll, but you just let yourself laugh and waved your hands to stop him.

“Okay, okay, I believe you!” You chuckled. “I guess… I just don’t always feel like I’m all that important to the group. I feel guilty sometimes you know?”

“Guilty for what?” Beomgyu scrunched his nose. “It doesn’t matter. Taehyun ordered food for everyone, and I am not going to let you sit in here all by yourself and feel upset when you can come out here with us and have a good night.”

As he dragged you out, you weren’t sure that he had truly understood what you had been telling him, but the next day you found a package in front of your bedroom door. Inside was a bracelet- it had the date you were added to the group engraved on it. Underneath the jewelry was a picture of you belting out a note onstage, it almost looked like a newspaper clipping. Then, finally, taped to the bottom of the box was a note, and scrawled in messy handwriting read: “you matter more than you think.”

You smiled as you looked through it all, pinning the picture and the note up on your vanity mirror before you heard the call. “Y/N! I made breakfast!”